What about it...?

It's been a long time since I last wrote and this is mainly due to the reason that more and more things seem insignificant to me. Events, parties and all that... nothing seem to excite me the way they did before. I missed sharing. But I could hardly find what I wish to share anymore. Through this blog, I know that I will be fucked if I talked about love and relationships, I will be fucked if I talked about politics and my views on the government, I will be fucked if I whined about friends, I will be fucked if I shared my stories of success (just refer to the post before the previous one) and that does not leave me much to talk about. There is also the case where someone checked on my blog, read it and attacked me with it, but this story is too sensitive to post up. With no internet connection at home now, I now have to bring my laptop home, type and save and then only copy, paste and publish.

Enough about the whinings before I get fucked again.
Oh, before I stop, I just wonder why those who stab me does not just let me know who they are, not like I am going to rape their daughters or kill their family, snatch their girlfriend/boyfriend and poison their pets. I just wish to know who feels what about me. That's it.
Furthermore... I am actually quite likeable.

I remember that I shared my life on a daily basis, from my job interviews, to my celebrations of events, down to the day to day happenings that happened to me. They seemed much more blog-worthy before. Not so much anymore. Many things seem funnier before, things that it took to lighten up my day or just brighten up my mood were things of minimal significance to many. I was happier. Not many things brought me down.... but even if they did, a beer with a mate will drown it out. I seem more reluctant to go out now, rather being on my bed, showered and with a book in hand. Well... maybe I am growing up, maybe I am growing old. Who knows.

2 words.......

FUCK YOU

What women really wants?

LIKE I FUCKING KNOW.

This fucking age old question dates back to the time even before Christ or Buddha or whoever stepped foot on this soil of ours. You think that you can judge them based on the expressions on their faces or by the tone of their voice but let me tell you this, you may have stepped on a fucking land mine and not notice it. It's just impossible. They are so insidious that you will never know when you have fallen into a trap. That trap does not need to be well planned, they are born with this instinct, this gene in their DNA strand which is almost machiavellian, so effortless and subtle, it will be over before you even realise it. You may be so oblivious to it until you notice the awkward silence and the change of demeanor, only then you fully comprehend the situation that you are in. You have been ensnared and every other step you take will only make you fall deeper, very much like drowning in quicksand, only this time, its shit instead of sand.

There is little you can do except for trying to figure out what went wrong and when it all collapsed unto you, burying you alive in the pile of shit that you did not even know existed. That is the magic of women. They can make shit appear out of thin air, cover you with it and make you feel as if you brought it all upon yourself. Depending on personal character, some will fight to regain their innocence, some will concede defeat and some who used to fight will just stop giving two fucks and let the women get things their way. At the end of the day, you either win and she is pissed making you even more pissed, or you lose making her pissed and you even more pissed. Maybe that applies to me. I seldom feel guilt nor remorse nor guilt heavily laced with remorse with a sprinkle of 'I-truly-give-a-fuck'. As a matter of fact, I concede because I am tired of all the bullshit that has been going on and the drama which is even more dramatic than the scene in Armageddon where Liv Tyler was crying when the asteroid exploded with her kick-ass-Bruce-Willis-dad. I have come to be in a state of disregard when matters such as this arises. Why fight when at the end of the day, you end up having shits and nothing ever changes? Might as well save your breath for another cigarette. You are gonna die anyway so I'd rather choose the probable lung cancer over excessive blood vomiting and stroke followed by a seizure due to a chronic heart attack as a result of nonsensical-rubbish-filled debate over pointless matter.

People think that they can decipher what goes on in that complicated grey matter located directly inside the skull of those who carry the XX chromosome of which we passionately refer to as women. Guys who think that they are sensitive towards the needs of women knows what they want and their inner most desire. YOU ARE FUCKING WRONG. How do I know? I just do. I personally think that they have formed this secret society where they are all conniving to take over the fucking world and fuck with the minds of men. To all my brothers, good luck. Resistance is futile, and probably not worth the effort with all the tears and whining that you will get at the end of the day making you feel so damn irritated and hope to put a bullet through your head. You only pray that the shot is fatal because you would not want to be comatose and still be able to hear all the complaints. If that happens, hope that your ear bleeds you to death.

Have a nice day.

Blinded on a sunny afternoon

There are times when you feel that there is nothing running in your mind and for me personally, that is when I feel most useless. Nothing specific that floods your head and the only thought that you have is the thought of why you have nothing to think about. To a certain extent, it exudes a certain degree of calmness but beneath that, fear lurks. Brings about the saying 'the weather is calmest before a storm' or something along that line. Have you ever felt so afraid when all of a sudden your mind seemed to just shut down and you stare blankly at nothing and trying so hard to understand the reason for that moment of emptiness and void? I have had experience it and it was not pleasant. Maybe I am young and therefore afraid of being lonely. The feeling of emptiness intensifies even more when your own mind abandons you. As I age, maybe, I will learn how to appreciate these tranquilities.

Today, I fell

I have always been someone who is sure of what I want and how I would get it. Lately at least. My confidence in myself and my capabilities is utmost but today, I failed. I have always hated the feeling of losing and this time around, I screwed up so bad that I felt that my ego imploded on me. I felt afraid, the feeling that have been long absent from my life. It feels as if many people would rejoice while reading this post, do not ask me why, it's just a feeling that I have. Many people would love to see me fall from the throne high up that I built for myself, thinking of myself as someone irreplaceable. I have never thought of myself as invincible, just someone who will not taste defeat. That would be my ego speaking and probably, I should be the one laughing at myself. I have fallen many times in the past and I thought that I would have been more cautious. How wrong I was. I hate this feeling we call fear. I hate having to admit that I have done something wrong but I guess that there is no one to blame. Have you ever had the feeling that you are so sure that you are doing things right but just falls down flat on your face? Well, not so high and mighty now are we?

I miscalculated and it costs me. Well, maybe this will keep me in check. This will tell me that I am just like everyone out there. Imperfect. All of a sudden, everything around me became quiet and the only thing that I could see was my mistake and the only thing I could hear was myself cursing at my ignorance and stupidity. Well, I have held great hands of cards that life have dealt me, I guess I should not complain when dealt one poor round. The only thing is, my bet this time was big.

It's funny isn't it, that even until now I would not share the details of the mistake that I have committed, with the fear of being ridiculed and laughed at. I wish to be angry but my anger could only be channeled towards myself. Damn. If only. Damn.

The Angel of Death

I can still vividly remember the voice that woke me up in the wee hours of Sunday morning. Mother was knocking on my door, telling me that it was raining and that I should keep all the electrical appliances off the ground. My only reply was that I have shut all the windows and dozed off again. Within my consciousness and sleep, I felt a presence in my room. It felt colder than usual and I knew that there was something amiss. I did not dare to open my eyes wide to see who, or what was lurking in my room but I had to know. I had to know what was causing me to lose sleep and tremble. I have had a really tiring night as a few friends and I partied from about 8 until 3am that morning. Sleep to me was crucial but my eyes would not shut. Something inside me told me that my life was about to change. I could only manage a peek through the crevice of my blanket and there it stood. It was the darkest being that I have ever laid eyes on. It was Death itself. I was afraid. The appearance of Death could only mean that a life would be taken. I was trembling and fear embraced me so tightly that I could hardly breathe. Then all went dark.

I woke up the next morning feeling fine and thought of the night before as nothing but a mere dream. I woke up with a puddle of water right in the middle of my room. I thought of it as strange. I brushed it off and went for my shower and breakfast. 2 hours passed since I woke up and I walked over to my phone to check for any calls that I have had missed. I fell on my knees. What I saw the night before was real. A life was taken. Nokia was dead. My N76 was dead. She was drenched in a pool of rain and no phone, no matter how strong, would survive that long submerged in water. I panicked and was heart broken. She was not even a year old. She was so young. Her demise brought me much grief and I guess this is where we say farewell.

Goodbye Dear N76

I knew that I had to get back on my feet and move on. She served me well while she did but I could not live without a phone. I walked around aimlessly for the whole day wondering how my life would be without this piece of technology and I realised that it was impossible for me to have to go through another day without this piece of equipment. Then, I did what any sane man would do. I got a new phone. It was not as sleek and sexy as my N76 but it was not supposed to be. I got a man this time. Dark, mysterious and touch screen technology equipped, he prides himself as being one of the best with a 5.0 megapixel camera and an ISO800 image stabilizer, holding a 2 gigabyte micro SD card from my N76, her spirit is instilled in him. His name is Viewty.

Welcome to the family Viewty

This is where a whole new chapter begins.



p/s: Since the visit of Death, IT not only took away my Nokia but also a lot of numbers. So please mail me your numbers k?

I am not a pervert....

.... really I'm not. I came back from a lunch appointment not too long ago and it was one of the hardest lunch appointment that I have had to sit through. Do not get me wrong, the girl whom I met was great company and talking to her is comfortable (in a very non sexual context). The whole ambience was casual,we talked about random stuff, relationships, how the gay community is segregated to a few different levels, things in general. There was only one problem. Well, I wouldn't call it a problem but more of a distraction. You see, she looks good, toned physique, dresses well, long flowy hair and all that. But as a guy, we tend to "unintentionally glance" at 'them' when we turn to look at their face to talk. Having low cut top does not help.

There was a point in time when I asked her,
" How do you know when a guy is gay, when you just look at him?"
" If they look at me, I will see if they are staring down my top."
She has reassured me that I am a 100% uber masculine hot blooded straight man.
" See, you do not turn to look at me when I told you that, so you are definitely not gay."

Goddammit. It was so embarassing but luckily for myself, being cool and all that, I just turned and talked to her, maintaining eye contact. I am a pro if I say so myself. It came to a point where I placed my elbow on the table, hand clapsed in front of my face, away from my nose, thus blocking my vision of her neck downwards. I can earn so much from teaching people this and please count your blessings that you have been passed on such great knowledge. I am a genius and sometimes I hate to admit it. This teaches us a valuable lesson and it is something that I am glad that I found out. When you wish to stare, wear very very dark sunnies, the type where no one can see where your eyes are looking through your lens.

This is a community service reminder.

Sicker than peanut butter and shit sandwich...

The year 2008 has not been kind to me thus far. In terms of health at least. I could not drink nor party during New Year's eve due to sickness which includes bouts of diarrhoea, involuntary vomitting and all around muscle aches. Barely one month after that spell of sickness, it has returned. It feels very much like symptoms that you would expect from food poisoning and that could very well be the case. Those of you who knows me well enough knows that I would not give the doctor a visit unless my life feels like it is coming to a fucking end. It does actually feel like that now. I am so fucking weak and find it hard even to stand and walk to the pantry for a cup of tea. I hate this feeling. I hate feeling weak and controlled. This sickness limits my movement and what I can do... fucking hate it.

I am going to have a lunch appointment with the people from OK! Magazine later on and I guess that it will not be a good day for them since I am not feeling too well. Oh ya, just so you know, I have a knack for perfecting the art of price negotiation and have been getting great prices for advertisement pages for all magazines. That is not the story. The story is that I have been having stomach ache for the past two days and it feels like the next time I shit, my intestines will come flushing out.

I was talking on the phone with a friend last night as she called to find out how I was doing after getting to know that I was sicker than having a peanut butter and shit sandwich. Teresa called me and wasted many minutes of her life talking to me when there are more worthwhile things that she could do... such as saving the penguins trapped in Kuwait. The funny thing is that we roleplay (not in the sexual way) and getting into different characters. I would play the part of the King from some Chinese Dynasty which will of course be fucking prosperous and magnificent where the people love the King more than themselves as they have the best ruler in the whole universe and everything beyond this universe and everything beyond that. In short, I am the best. Vicky will be Ngoi Fei who is always insecure and paranoid that bad things will happen to her and lacks the confidence that she needs to be queen. Teresa will play the role of Leng Fei, the one who's always feisty and will fight back. The great thing about this is that everyone will really get into the character and start to speak in the ancient chinese language.

Charles: I don't feel good. I think you will have to come and help me check my pulse.
Teresa : You should cover yourself with blanket and sweat it out.
Charles: I covered my head but then a bit hard to breathe.
Teresa : Then I guess I will have to suffer a little to make you better.
Charles: Why?
Teresa : Cos I will have to sit beside you through the night.
Charles: Why?
Teresa : Cos I am Hot Stuff
Charles: ........ hahaha........


Enough of those. Things like this really makes my day a little brighter and realise that everyone is not just how they appear to be. Some people will make mistakes and ask the stupidest of questions which will leave you baffled for a little bit. But it's all in good humour.
Well, I am just going to end this post as abrupt as possible because I need to go to the toilet again. I have no idea what else there is to come out.

The ladies who adds colours to my life.
(Picture stolen from Teresa's blog)

High Infidelity

To what extent is infidelity accepted or should the question resonates to the sound of how much could be done before a person is viewed as being void of fidelity? I do not know how to view this matter from the ladies' point of view as I do not dare judge when I cannot put myself in their shoes and comprehend their motives or reasons for being disloyal but for a guy's point of view, I guess I can contribute my two cents. That being said, it does not mean that I have been (always) unfaithful but as the question goes;

'What are the criteria or actions taken which will then constitute to transgression in a relationship? What is viewed as exceeding the limits and crossing the boundaries when it comes to relationships?'

This post is actually 'inspired' by the happenings around me lately whereby I am put in a situation where the plaintiff is a great person who is suffering in silence, crying herself silly almost every now and then. The defendant just happened to be my friend, my brother. When I come to think about it, defendant and I are so much alike, just that the way we handle the situation differ from each other. I am usually seen as the bad guy because to start a new relationship, I take drastic moves, I break people's heart, I break promises and as a result, I break them. This has happened once too many times and thus, hoping to make up for all that I have done, hoping that there is still a place for me in heaven, I repent. At least I hope I did. My defendant friend's way of handling it is totally ignoring the fact that anything happened. He will be seen as being misunderstood, not knowing what to do and confused. I have been in and out of relationships for so many times that I am blinded. Blind to see those that really cares and blind to see that some want me for certain reasons. Some people chose me for reasons that I could never comprehend. I am devoid of good looks and great body, money aplenty I have not. What is it that girls see in me I do not know. I am not complaining. I just don't understand. My friend is different, he has the charms to the looks to the layers of dough in his GUCCI wallet. But I guess that's the way life is, it's fair to a certain extent and unfair to a certain extent which all in all makes it fair again, if that even makes sense.

Digressed a little bit there, my apologies. What constitutes to someone being disloyal, unfaithful, guilty of infidelity? How far does one person have to go before being branded on their forehead with the word 'PLAYER', having to carry that word, that adjective, that misconception for life? When I say misconception, I meant it for myself. It does not mean that there are no jerks around and every case of being unfaithful can be justified. I have been sort of a philanderer before and the outcome was really bad.

It really depends on how much the girl could take. I am close to many girl friends. Nothing scandalous, just close. Vicky is someone who is very understanding in this issue and thus I have the freedom to mix with pretty much anyone that I want to mix with. In a very nonsensical way, I now have a big wife ( who happens to be a guy), a small wife ( who is now in Hong Kong), a senior concubine (Vicky), a lover, and a girlfriend. It is all good because everyone there is my close friend. The hardest thing about being in love is staying in love once you are with that special someone. It is not easy and many times I have failed, only to realise that it filled me with regrets and then comes the part where I try to make up. It will be a vicious circle until that one fine day, you no longer are able to patch the hole that you made, you no longer have the means to make up for your wrong doings and then you fall. When you fall, standing up will be the hardest thing that you have had to do.

I fall out of love for the most trivial things. That is because I did not have the patience to tolerate and I take all things too personally. All that leads to arguments and arguments lead to cracks in the relationship. I give up too easily. I give up way too easily. That is something that I have vowed to overcome. I cannot differentiate the difference of falling out of love and plain old being angry. When for that moment I did not feel like I care for that person, I feel that I no longer have love for them. Time and time again I was proven wrong which prompted me to finally learn. When things like that happen, that is where infidelity comes in. I am not trying to create an excuse for myself but it's true. I fall in love with another because I thought that I have fallen out of love with the previous. People outside the circle will look at me as if I am someone who plays people out and I have no right to question their view because that is the image that I have projected to them. Not everyone knows and not everyone understands. At least I changed. At least I am trying. I guess I have not provided an answer for the question of this post.

What are the qualities and actions taken which will constitute to someone being guilty of infidelity?

I will never know. Who will?

I want WORLD PEACE

I know I have not been updating my blog and I have a fucking valid reason for it. Well, make it a few reasons.
First off, I am waiting for the event photos that I did with Newman magazine to come in where I shared a few moments of stage time with the very-exposed friend of ours, Wern Shen. During that event... bahh I will talk about it in the next post when the photos are in.
Secondly, I have been a little lazy. Well, ok, a lot lazy but what can you do?
Thirdly, nothing really happy happened to me lately and even if I do post, it will be all sappy and will draw attacks and firing from my dear Mr. or Miss Anonymous. Hahaha that mother fucker is just fucking darn entertaining.

There is nothing much that I am looking forward to except for the release of Transformers, Simpsons the movie, Harry Porter and dinner with those wankers from high school this Saturday. I have dyed my hair red if that's anything worth mentioning about. I did that out of spite. No, I did that out of impulse and it's kinda good. I like it and I will not fucking tolerate any negative comments given by any-fucking-one about it because I will be damn fucking pissed off and dye their hair plus eye-brows red just so I can vent my anger that has been building up in me on them. This of course does not apply to the Anonymous because I do not know who he or she is since he or she prefers to hide behind the curtain of being an asshole... I mean shadow.

Anyways, I would like to thank everyone who told me that they would come and actually made it there for the event. It means a lot to me although many came late and missed my time on stage where I threw undies out to people with their arms wide open. I felt like Robin Hood, giving neccessities to the needy. As I said, more on the event later.

My whole office is under renovation and the air-conditioning is out so please forgive me for my outburst of vulgarities. To you guys who will be there this Saturday, I will see you then. Now for the finale, my final outburst for this post..... AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *cough* HHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... oh well.... until the next time dear brethrens and sisters, boys and girls and that one anonymous who could very well be something in between, take care of yourselves and of course, be happy and let us all pray for world peace... and the assasination of some worthless leaders. WORLD PEACE MOTHERFUCKERS. Ciao.

I am who I am

Looking back since I started writing, this is already my 81st post. It is not all that many of a posts, I know but come to think of it again, since the first day I started to share my life and my thoughts online with you guys, so much has happened and it just made me realise how quickly time passes us by. We are all different now. We have grown up and have faced so many challenges and obstacles that we have to endure in life. Ultimately, I would not say that it has made us, let me correct that, I would not say that it has made me a better person but one thing's for sure, life has definitely made me stronger and it is that strength that is feeding my ego and confidence. I have become arrogant and I have become selfish, I admit that and I never deny the fact that there is no one above me as I take my own well-being into consideration first before anything else. Just the other day, I met up with an old friend and lets just call her by the name 'Rachel'. It has been quite a long time since I last saw her and that is why she can be a good judge to tell me how I have changed through time since she was not hanging with me through the transition of my transformation. I asked her as to why she liked me before, the qualities that I had, the characteristics that made her like me in the first place. She told me that when we started last time, I was like a plain piece of paper, still innocent and naive. At this point, many of you guys who are reading this will be laughing and honestly tell me, was I not someone like that? Trust for me was not something extremely valuable before and so I gave it out to everyone, every single one. That piece of trust that consists of only five alphabets have had caused me so much disstress before and it was from there, paranoia, doubt and stereotype enveloped my life, as a form of self defense mechanism if you will. She said that I have changed, no longer the Charles that she knew and if given another chance, she would not wish to be with me again. Comments were based on my temperament, my ego and my distrust in everyone. Everyone changes so there's not much of a surprise there but mine has been drastic. For those who knew me long before I am who I am today, you guys know how I was like. Is it not funny how people around you can mould you to become someone that you yourself are afraid of? I have been made this way by people around me and honestly, I am afraid of myself because what I lack now is self control. I am afraid that I might do something that I might regret later in the future. Vicky commented about me as well, saying that I will blow up just because of minor issues, that I will react in anger even if someone rudely cuts into my lane while driving. Is that not good? Will it be better if I keep it all inside and try my fucking hardest to suppress it and when it fails, I fucking erupt and the aunty that is half blind who just renewed her licence and who just cuts into my lane without her indicator signal will get the beating of her life, her legs broken and her throat punched repeatedly? I didn't think so. So when I have minor anger burst, just let me be and everything will be ok. When I have major anger burst, stay away and just let me be and everyone will be ok. I actually wanted to write about movies and how it will apply in our lives. I wanted to write about how I would torment and kill the other person if there was such a thing as The Hostel. Maybe in my next post. Cheers guys and have a fuckinglicious weekend.

Pig on my butt

Maybe it is just me. Maybe it is just my paranoia acting up again. Or maybe I just need to wind down a little bit and go take a dump in the middle of the dessert and hope that my pile of shit will start creating an oasis. I know my shits won't bring about any good besides the fact that I contribute a little bit more to the toilet paper and water expense. Due to sensitivity and restrictions on my own behalf, this post may just very well turn out to be 'just another post'. Or it may not. Lets see.

The past few days has been somewhat of an emotional roller-coaster for me and I am beginning to hear stuff like "Oh my fu*king god, Charles is gonna start whining and bitching and get all wussied up talking about emotional stuff which is gonna turn this whole post into an emo post". Not so. This post will contain serious matters in which I wish to share and discuss with the people I know and those who do read my blog and hopefully each and everyone can contribute their ideas to actually help me solve a problem that I have been facing for the past few days and maybe, just maybe, you guys can help me rid my problems off me. How the hell should I bloody style my hair so that Cindy won't laugh at it as if she has seen a baby elephant coming out from a giraffe's ass? My god. Anyways, I have not had the priviledge to actually post for the past few days and this is due to the reason that the internet connection in my office is trying to act like King Xerxes ( which is like a pussy) and deprive me of the oh so very important internet connection that I need. The crew somehow manage to stick together went through the worst of times and this does indeed brings joy, very much of it, to me. Just a few days back, I thought that this would be the end of everything. To you guys, we have started out together and stuck to each other since, we have grown a little in number, everyone close and dear to us were added into the group and now I believe that we have that bond to tie us together. Lets stay this way shall we? We may be small in number but adequate in love and care. There may be a little unfairness in the distribution amount of love in the group and that is acceptable. For example, Cindy does not love me all that much compared to..... because I have a funny hairstyle. But all in all, I know that she still loves me and if you see a next post from me, it is confirmed that I am somewhere in her heart because she has not come to with with a sledge hammer and a chainsaw. The original click five has begun to morph into something which resembles LMF (LazyMotherFuckers) in terms of number and the language used.

I have something funny and disgusting to share and do not worry, the two stories are not related. First off, the disgusting story.

I was having my breakfast and there was a baby roach in my fucking noodle. Ok, now moving on to the funny story.
Just two days ago, I went to my gym and firstly, I will admit that I do not pack my own gym bag and it is all done by my maid whom Darrell totally digs and hopes to have sweet, passionate sex with. Anyways, I got changed and went for my workout and there is so much that you can learn from the idiot box. I was on the treadmill with my headphone on and my eyes fixed on TV number 5 which was showing The Simpsons. Ned Flanders' sons, Gay Flanders and Fag Flanders asked theid dad a question and I FUCKING BEG YOU GUYS NOT TO BLAST ME BECAUSE I AM JUST SHARING SOMETHING THAT I LEARNED. I AM NOT TRYING TO STIR UP RELIGIOUS OR RACIAL ISSUES. The conversation goes something like this:
(They were trying to act out a scene from the bible)

Gay : Dad, if Kane and Abel are the only children of Adam and Eve, how did they have more babies?
Fag : Did they have babies with their mother?
Gay : Or with each other?
Ned : Speak of no more sins Gay and kill your brother.

And so there we are. Oh fuck... OK that was not the story, I got sidetracked, back to the story. After my gym session, I went to take my shower and it always feels good to have a hot shower after gym as it relaxes you. Then came my horror. When I opened my bag, I saw a pair of fresh, bright red underwear and as a cherry on top of the scoop of chocolate sundae of embarassment, there was a print of a pig at the right butt cheek. I had no choice, I walked out of the shower donning the bright-red-underwear-with-a-print-of-a-pig-on-the-right-butt-cheek and walked towards my locker, heads down. And if you guys are wondering, both heads are down. It was embarassing. I know that people were looking and it was the most awkward situation that I have been in since I went to gym.

That's it for today boys and girls. Cheers.

CNY- short post of no significance

Chinese New Year is almost over and there comes a time when we say goodbye to celebrations, holidays, excessive drinking and gambling like a high roller. I always look forward to Chinese New Year but it is mainly because of the holidays and the red packets and the way i look at it is all wrong. I am no longer feeling the mood of festivities but instead only the little perks that comes with it. Chinese New Year no longer bear the meaning that it used to, that is to me at least, all I know is that it is the beginning of the new lunar year. I drank, and I drank a lot. I gambled and there were so many ups and downs but all in all I lost. I lost fucking 5 bucks. I am not in the mood. Not this year. I am not even sure about the determining factors to me feeling this way. Maybe it is because I am already grown up and all these do not play a significant role in my life anymore.
I remember that when we were much younger, we all sat in daddy's car on the first day of Cinese New Year and drove to my uncle's place and we would stay there from morning til night where our dad and uncles will be playing mahjong and mum and aunts will be chatting and the younger ones will be drinking (soft drinks and packet drinks) and mix around, a once in a year activity. But now that everyone has grown up, we still go to my uncle's place but in a few different cars as we will head of after a spending a few hours there. The meaning of Chinese New Year and the purpose of it has diminished as we age and there is only so much of it left which is not superficial. Meeting up once a year and having to go like " Wah... long time no see, how are you?" while smiling like a fucking buffoon when you know that deep inside that neither side gives a shit. You have your life and I have mine, or I would like to believe that I do.
Nothing really significant happened except for that one time that the explosives that we set off went sideways and if we were any luckier, it would have given a chance to one of the tenants in Sierramas to renovate their house. I don't even know if this Chinese New Year has been a happy one. I cannot be sure. There are so many things that I am no longer sure of anymore. I am not even sure of myself. Again, I am lost. I have developed an addiction to have my fist on people's face.

Valentine's Day and the Car Door

It's that time of the year again when that small little fry with his little wings and his tiny bow and arrow start to shoot people with his love filled heart shaped arrow-heads. That small fry is the Cupid that we see so much in comics and cartoons and from watching the Hercules series last time, I learnt that he is the son of the goddess of love Aphrodite, pronounced as Afro-Die-D. That arrow that he fires usually come with a great price tag and has the ability to burn many many things. Burn past hatreds, bad memories and a fucking gigantic hole in your Gucci wallet. The reason why we celebrate Valentine's day is just to justify to the other party that during Valentine's this year, he or she has been chosen to be the special one and in turn hope that he or she will be the one you celebrate with every year. In my thorough research, Valentine's day is actually created by someone called Santa Claus and he used to be a florist and he thought to himself one fine day, "How the hell am I going to try and rip off those suckers to buy my flowers at at least ten times the price? Ah ha, I know, I will create a day to celebrate love. Those who does not celebrate it will be seen as un-romantic fuckers and will get bitch slaps and maybe get dumped." Now that we know whose fault it is, I suggest that we abolish this stupid day where everyone is out to rip you off. To celebrate love, everyday is a good day, why just February 14th? Does celebrating this 'love' day even prove that you love that person? February 14th makes is compulsory, makes it mandatory, makes it an obligation even for you to even try harder than you always do to prove your love to that special someone. Does it all not seem so fake and fucking superficial? What is the point of creating a day for you to prove that you love that person more when you can do it any other day or when the occassion is right, when the time is right, when the moment is right, when the setting is right, when the mood is right, when the music is right, when the lighting is right, when the car seat is adjusted just right, when the climax of the movie is right, when the schlong in your pants is parked right? What if you are in the middle of your Valentine's dinner and you suffer from stomach discomfort and needed to shit badly? Would that not spoil the evening?

I ran a promotion for our own retail chain called The Undershop to celebrate Valentine's day and it was aptly called The Undershop Valentine's Day Promo. I don't want to over-complicate matters because I know that there are many not-so-bright people out there and hence the simple and straightforward tagline. It is a promotion that I feel is very special and attractive but the whole things is ruined by those overpaid-lazy ass- motherfucking- asshole promoters who did not do as they were told. What I tell them to do, they must do. Why? Because this is my promotion and I am a higher ranking dude. FUCKING ASSHOLES. I do not abuse my power and my authority but when they do not do as they were told and fuck up my whole promotion, I am bound to be pissed off and when I get pissed off, it is never a pretty sight. I have fucked them up nicely a few times and yet they are not doing anything. My next step, fire all those motherfuckers and yes, I dare say so because I have the influence to make them all get fired. Bastards and whores. Ok anyway, the promotion was that when you buy RM50 and above in a single receipt, you get to have your picture taken with your partner and posted in front of the shop and at the end of the promotion, 3 couples will be chosen as the winners (by me), and will have prizes amounting up to RM2,800.
They will first have to collect their Smart for Two where they will get to drive it for a week, then go for a free haircut by Michael and Guys in Times Square, then go get their free clothes amounting up to a thousand bucks per couple from Philosophy for Men and Salabianca. Then dinner will be at Mojo in Asian Heritage Row. The whole idea is to create a hassle free Valentine's day for three lucky couples and they are lucky alright.
I remember that I wanted to say something in the beginning and I just lost it. Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day to everyone out there and go ahead and splurge your salary away.

Oh ya, now I fucking remember. As usual, my temper has been a source of many of my problems and I punched a fucking taxi not too long ago. It was a funny incident. I was driving and those cars coming out from the left and wanting to cross over to the other side of the traffic was blocking the drivers (me) who wanted to go straight and they are so inconsiderate that they have the knack to block a smooth flowing traffic just because they are idiots with an IQ of a fucking cat with it's head smashed by a sledge hammer by some demented kid who looks like that fuck face from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. After the two idiots passed, I was already damn pissed off, this fucking taxi just sped ahead and blocked the traffic again and I almost crashed into him. I did things the civilised way and honked and he showed me the "what fuck?" handsign, the one with the back of his palm facing me. If he was not civilised, then I shall not be one. I got down the car, walked towards him and motioned for him to come out. He looked scared, that I am sure and he just ignored me. I love attention and since he is not giving me any, I punched his car door and he finally got to drive away. Lucky bastard. I went back to my car and my knuckles fucking hurt. It was in pain for 2 days. God damn fucking car doors. God damn fucking taxi drivers. FUCK LARR.

Happy Valentine's Day everybody. Have a fucking good one.

I could've killed...

I have never felt so afraid of myself. I am literally afraid of what I can and want to do in the face of adversity. Two nights ago, I wanted to kill. If I was alone in my car, I might already have. Many people told me about my lack of control over my temper and I do start to agree. I find it hard to believe that I am so far from whom I once was, the person with little temper or fury. I really wish to find out what happened to myself. I am losing control and that is never a good thing.

Let me tell you guys a story that happened two nights ago that not only made me afraid and paranoid of motorcyclist but instead, made me even more afraid of myself. Here goes.

After the launch of the ODM watch party in Zouk, I fetched Vicky back to her place and as we were driving, we were talking about ourselves, past and present. Conversation was not over yet when my car stopped in front of her place and so I decided to stop across the street and park in front of a row of shops, a row of very well lit shops. We sat and chat. Her back facing my dashboard and I stayed put facing the steering wheel. Four people on two motorcycles went pass us and I did not think much of it and after a few moments, Vicky turned to me and said something in the context of “Do not lend it to them”. I was a little lost as it was totally out of context and she was looking straight out my side window. I looked and was rather taken aback that there were two malay guys on a bike right beside me and the assigned rider reached over and tried to open my door. Driving a car with automatic transmission, I shifted the gear to D and stepped on the accelerator and sped off and that was before the pillion rider managed to take a swing at my side door. My assumption is that he wanted to smash my window to gain access to my car. At a safe distance of approximately 200 meters away, I looked at my rear view mirror and saw them staying where I left them. Vicky told me that they made a hand sign of a lighter, as if asking me to lend them one, thus her out-of-context comment. It was then I lost it. And by losing it, I meant I wanted them to die. I took a turn and headed in the opposite direction which means that I was going towards them. Pissed off and frustrated is an understatement and it was then that I wanted to end their life. I have never believed that two fuckers on a bike can survive if my Scarlett knocks them down with considerable speed. I wanted to so bad and I lost all sense of judgment and all I wanted to see was two corpses lying on the floor. Better still, the two guys half dead and I can fucking break their fucking knees with fucking bricks. Better still, their other two friends who might have wanted to try and defend them being in the same position. I sped and that was when Vicky got afraid and held on to me pleading me not to do stupid things. Having the responsibility for her safety, I decided to forgo the plan. I was considerably pissed. She was trembling and trying my best to comfort her, I could not get the image of those two fuckers out of my mind. Driving on, stopping at a traffic light with a few other cars, I saw the two bikes with their lights off in front of me and not wanting to make Vicky worry, I silently stepped on it and wanted to see them fall and skid. They noticed and they took a turn thus ending my chase. I really wanted to bump into them again and so I drove around the neighbourhood but to no avail. Finally, I sent Vicky home and then headed home, always wanting to see them again. Scarlett is scarred. It was this incident that made me realize that I really need to re-evaluate myself. I am afraid of myself. I am sure that with this, others will be afraid of me too. I wanted to kill and this might be the first time I have had this feeling. One of the first at least.

I did not kill and I am fucking glad. What would I have lost if I did? Everything.

But secretly, I wish for them to die. I wish for them to be run over by a lorry. I wish for them to lie on the road bleeding, gasping for air and everything around them turns dark, before another lorry runs over their heads. And a dog peeing on what is left of them, just for laughs.

This will be a fucking random post...

And I fucking mean it. I just need to get it off my chest. I just need to. Sigh... I have no idea what I wanna whine and bitch about so I will just tell you short experiences as I go. I just need to feel as if there is someone that I can talk to, that there is someone that I can have something to express my feelings.

- Dear Ice-cream man, SHOVE THAT POPSICLE UP YOUR ASS YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. It has been a long time since I had ice-cream and thus this line is not directed at any specific ice-cream man.

- After breakfast today while walking to my car, I saw a 20cents coin lying on the floor. There is a chinese saying which goes something like (loosely translated) "Getting a fortune from the ground, You will get nothing even if you ask heaven and earth". It means that you are lucky to have gathered fortune from the ground and thus have good luck. I left it lying beside my car's front tyre. For all you know, that 20cents might have fallen out from my car. Fuck... I will be having bad luck... hehehe SUCK MY BALLS YOU FUCKERS WHO... INFLUENCE PEOPLE'S LUCK.

- I just got an invitation to Atrium on the 20th of this month from Vmag. Located in Asian Heritage Row, it means that I will definitely be fucked if I drink as the exits are always plagued with roadblocks. FUCK YOU BASTARDS IN HELMETS WHO SET UP ROADBLOCKS. But thanks for accepting bribes.

- My colleague sitting to my right handed me a copy of chinese magazine called SISTERS... I wish it was Penthouse or Playboy or Hustler instead. My colleague sitting behind me is fucking someone up through the phone... way to go girl. FUCK YOU THAT PERSON HIDING INSIDE THE PHONE AND TALKING, MAKING ME THINK THAT EVERY PHONE CALL IS ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH CABLES UNDERGROUND OR TRANSMITTED VIA SATELLITE.

- I went to KLCC yesterday night to collect 2 altered EVISU jeans and the fucker just asked if I was Charles and when I said yes, he just handed them to me without having me produce any receipts or identification. Idiot. FUCK YOU FOR BEING A STUPID MORON DUMBASS BITCH BUT COURTEOUS AND WELL MANNERED GUY.

- As I was driving to work, I realised that the traffic was unbelievably smooth, unbelievable as in the existence of a smart George W. Bush, the existence of a pink anaconda with purple polka dots prints with 13 heads and 23 tails, the exintence of smart investment plan by the Maraysian government, the existence of someone who loves me for who I am, the existence of girls without temper and admit to doing wrongs when they did, the existence of good government servants kind of unbelievable. Then I realised that Selangor is having a holiday. FUCK MARAYSIA FOR NOT GIVING K.L A HOLIDAY ALSO DAMN IT FUCKERS WHO ARE UNBELIEVABLY UNFAIR.

- As I approach the last traffic light before turning to my office, the car in front of me stopped in the middle of the road and dropped off her friend. That was not the end of it because they stayed at where they were, with the passenger out the door and the driver looking like a whore, chatting while I was, although the only car, behind her waiting. I waited for a while (15 seconds) before I got impatient and sounded my horn, soft enough to reflect myself being cultured but loud enough to send the message that she was a dumbassbitchcrackwhorecocksuckerasslickerteabagged
gangrapedpubliclygropedheadsmashedonthebasin who should get the fuck out of my way. Her friend cast an unfriendly look at me which I could only politely accept and stare back at her with my not so happy look and if she could lip read, she would have got a message in the form of me saying "chee bye". Then as if scolding me, she walked off and her friend drove off but not before showing me the fucking finger through the window of her pathetic white kancil. I took it all in good stride when I miss my turn and drove up to her and as she drove straight while I took a left, I conveniently found a can of Yeo's green tea in my car and it just magically broke her left tail light. I drove off to another day of work. Funny thing is, she was wearing a tudung and I thought she was supposed to be holy. HAHA WHAT A PRICE TO PAY FOR SHOWING THE FINGER TO A GENTLEMAN DUMB BITCH.

- I do think that I have a problem controlling my temper. So guys, those who were offended my one of my previous post, I apologise. I realise that my temper is bad so if possible, please give me moments to rest and do not aggravate me until I can let you call me fat without me having the thought of fucking smashing your head against the fucking road and drag you face down until the unevenness of the tar road scraped off all the skin from your face. Thank you for understanding.

- I think that today is just going to get better. I hate lady drivers who shows me their middle finger thinking they are some big shot. They are only opening up an opportunity for me to make them cry. Unless they are like Cindy, then I will be too afraid to mess with her but if not, please don't, I repeat, don't fuck with me.

- I shat yesterday and my shit was green. Not in a shade of green but literally green like brocolli. Damn.

Charles has been promoted

Nope, Charles have not been promoted to be the CEO of any particular company although he can be considered the Director, Manager, Assistant Manager, Senior Executive, Executive, Clerk and despatch for the Marketing and Advertising Promotions Department as he is the only one there. Things have been bad for him lately and something his friends said gave him great concern of who he is or in fact, who he is turning into.

Charles' temper has never been an issue for him, that is until lately when many things happened due to this natural phenomenon that we all take for granted and rarely notice the changes that occur called 'Temper'. Charles have always been someone who is mild-tempered and even though it can be good up to a certain extent, the fury builds and when it is unleashed, it will be a collective of all the anger, unhappinness, hatred, etc all lashed out at a single person and that person will not be a happy person. As Charles ages, so did his lack of control over his temper and he is beginning to lose it. Friends who are close to him told me that he has been very easily aggravated and extremely sensitive lately. Charles really wanted to know if it was him who changed or is it because everyone around him have been so accustomed to him being nice and all and thus take advantage or take his patience for granted. Not many people have seen Charles lose his temper and I guess fewer have seen him lost it completely.

He does not know what is coming over him, maybe he is just tired of being pushed around and after such a long time, things will take its toll and he will eventually be too tired to tolerate everything thrown at him. Charles do not believe that his temper is really all that bad. He does not even believe that many can take all those shits thrown to them like how he could. COULD. Sarcasm has taken its toll on Charles, so did paranoia and so did trust in general.

People are just not used to the Charles who is not keeping everything in. They expect Charles to swallow everything thrown at him with a smile and just laugh it off in the end. So many things happened that jokes were made at the expense of his ego and self-belief. YOU PEOPLE BELITTLE HIM and still say that his temper is bad? Haha maybe you guys are right cos right at this moment, Charles feels like throwing his fucking laptop on the floor and fucking jump on it but that would contribute to the fact that he has a bad temper would it not?

Charles is now therefore officially labelled as someone who has a bad temper and would bitch about everything that moves, breathes and is colour-blind. You know what, I am beginning to agree to what everyone is saying... Charles is a bad tempered bitch. Oh well, too bad for him. Let's all ditch that ill-tempered asshole and go for a beer.

Signing of with a smile, love and apologies to everyone that have felt the drift of his temper brushing past their delicate face.

p/s: Charles would like to thank everyone who pointed out his weakness and promises to wear a mask and become who he is not, but rather, someone people expects him to be.

p/s 2: Charles is doing this as a joke. HAHA x 1,000,000,000,000

p/s 3: Now out in the market with a beautiful console and wicked games. I am just speculating.

Hangover means being drunk the day before

I am suffering from hangover.
It is bad.
I swear I smell alcohol in my shit just now.
I reached home at 5.10 last night.
I woke up at 7.15 this morning for work.
In short, I am fucked.
Oh ya, I think I am supposed to go to Velvet tonight.
Conclusion, I am really fucked big time.