Today, I fell

I have always been someone who is sure of what I want and how I would get it. Lately at least. My confidence in myself and my capabilities is utmost but today, I failed. I have always hated the feeling of losing and this time around, I screwed up so bad that I felt that my ego imploded on me. I felt afraid, the feeling that have been long absent from my life. It feels as if many people would rejoice while reading this post, do not ask me why, it's just a feeling that I have. Many people would love to see me fall from the throne high up that I built for myself, thinking of myself as someone irreplaceable. I have never thought of myself as invincible, just someone who will not taste defeat. That would be my ego speaking and probably, I should be the one laughing at myself. I have fallen many times in the past and I thought that I would have been more cautious. How wrong I was. I hate this feeling we call fear. I hate having to admit that I have done something wrong but I guess that there is no one to blame. Have you ever had the feeling that you are so sure that you are doing things right but just falls down flat on your face? Well, not so high and mighty now are we?

I miscalculated and it costs me. Well, maybe this will keep me in check. This will tell me that I am just like everyone out there. Imperfect. All of a sudden, everything around me became quiet and the only thing that I could see was my mistake and the only thing I could hear was myself cursing at my ignorance and stupidity. Well, I have held great hands of cards that life have dealt me, I guess I should not complain when dealt one poor round. The only thing is, my bet this time was big.

It's funny isn't it, that even until now I would not share the details of the mistake that I have committed, with the fear of being ridiculed and laughed at. I wish to be angry but my anger could only be channeled towards myself. Damn. If only. Damn.