A Blog With A Title

The life of a regular guy, going through irregular changes, looking for simple pleasures in life. Funny how seldom you can put simple and pleasure together. Everyone needs to believe in a GOD and I believe I can fill your believe. To you, I shall be GOD.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

TOM CRUISE & MAT REMPIT IN DA HOOD! Co-Starring Thaksin, Pope,Blair and Chen Shui Bian

There are many things in the news lately... what is happening to the world and what is happening in our own backyard? In Thailand, there is the coup where Thaksin (Frank) Sinatra was forced to step down when he was in London. Just goes to show that you don't fucking mess with the king just because he does not have the power to pass the laws or make ammendments to the government policies, he, in the end, still commands the army. And you know you don't go fucking around with the military. They are the people who drives those big ass tanks around at the ravaging speed of 4 billion km/h, crushing everything in their way, except for me of course because all I have to do is extend my palm, catch the tank in my fist and crush it like crushing aluminium tin cans. How can I do that, well, thanks to Fitness First. Nah... I can do that because I am cool. Because I am very very cool. Try to imagine that you go on a holiday or some business functions and suddenly your phone rings... *Tweet Tweet*

Thaksin: Hello, this is Thaksin, the Prime Minister of Thailand speaking.
Anonymous : Yo... what up? Just wanna holler ya to tell ya that yer house is surrounded by tanks yo! Peace out!
Thaksin: ...

In Taiwan, people stage protests in the hundreds of thousands, demanding their president Mr. Chen Shui Bian to step down. There were some counter attack where Mr. Chen's supporters rally to help defend the post of their president but I think many more wants him down. Come to think of it, a few weeks from now, I will be in Taiwan. I wonder if A-Mei or Jay Chow will come welcome me to their native land. I don't particularly take a side but my mum always taught me one thing since young. When you see a scene where there will be a possibility that the whole scenario turns into something like Young & Dangerous, stick to the group with more people because with unity, you have strength... and a higher chance of survival of course. So, I am sorry Mr. Chen Shui Bian.


The pope, the big shot from the Vatican City, said something to piss the muslims off and sometimes when you hold such a high post, being the leader of a religion, the things you say must really go through many proccess of filtration and consideration but I guess he slipped. Anyway, I hope that scenes from the movie 'Kingdom of Heaven' won't happen. Because there will be Orlando Bloom. Orlando Bloom is gay. He is not cool in Pirates of the Carribean, not cool in Kingdom ofHeaven, not cool in LOTR cos he looks like a girl with limitless supply of arrows who picks on the Midget to bully cos apparently he could kill more monsters just because he has longer hands and legs. Orlando Bloom sucks so much, period. Nah... Orlando Bloom is alright, he just needs to be a little more like me.

Then of course there is the high and mighty Blair from the land which provides you with the people like David Beckham, David Bowie, OASIS and Queen Elizabeth to brighten up our everyday life. This land is called England. They just wants Blair out. Nothing that needs justification there.
Charles : Hello Mr. Tony Blair, who will take your place as the Prime Minister?
Tony Blair: What do you mean 'who will take my place'? Oh shit, you mean I have to step down? I think I will marry Prince William so I can continue ruling.

Tom Cruise had a baby.
Tom Cruise was fired by Paramount Pictures.
Tom Cruise said that the truth was he wanted out from Viacom's Paramount Pictures.
Tom Cruise was fired therefore making Mission Impossible 4 a better movie. (Yes, I know it for a fact even before it is filmed)

Venezuelan President Hugo (BOSS) Chavez said that the President of the United States of America, Tom Cruise a.k.a George W Bush, ordered his assasination due to the reason that BOSS Chavez called him the devil and also stating that Bush a.k.a Tom Cruise, is worse than Hitler. For me personally, that is a very unfair statement. Bush a.k.a Cruise is only worse than Hitler only because he has access to more weapons of mass destruction that he failed to find in Iraq after bombing it into a million pieces. Besides that, Hitler is still more powerful because he is a brave man. Who else would style their moustache that way?

A study was conducted about smoking habits and it was say that people who prefers Menthol cigarettes will find it a lot tougher to quit. That is the main reason why I do not smoke menthol cigarettes, besides the fact that it makes me look like a pussy and also the rumours that it will make you impotent.

Malaysian government said that they are planning to increase the salary of the police force. The reason behind this is to:-
1) Motivate them to have more passion in their work and feel that their efforts are recognized.

2) It will also prove as a deterrent for them to stop corruption, not accepting bribes.
For me, it is simple. I believe that the police force would be able to do much more if they do not hide themselves at road curbs or wait under flyovers, hoping to catch people talking on the phone while driving, making an illegal turn, not wearing their seatbelts, masturbating, reading newspaper, masturbating while reading newspaper, masturbating, reading newspaper and drinking coffee at the same time,... the list goes on. Why not patrol areas prone to snatch theft or find out places that crimes are more likely to take place? How many cases have we read in the papers already? Even handicapped people were not spared. I think the police should really buck up and do what is important, like, their job. Kidnapping cases, murder, bank robberies, people stealing ATM machines.... every crime is on the rise. All these life threatening crimes are going on but sadly, we don't really have the priviledge of reading how those bastards criminal were caught and have their dick pounded on with the officials' 800 dollars baton and then have their 200 dollars button stuffed up their ass.
Baton = RM 800
Button = Rm 200
Mat Rempits being our future leader = priceless

Which now leads me to the 'oh-so-bergaya' Mat Rempit. The government once said that we should not stereotype them because of a few bad apples. I totally agree. There are only a few bad apples but the rest are trash. Government even said that they could be our future leaders. Well, not that my views really count but here goes. They, Mat Rempits, are LAW BREAKERS! They speed, they are dangerous and a hazard on the traffic. I don't give a fuck if they crash and die but please don't endanger peoples' life. When I get my own Tank, I swear to you... I SWEAR THAT I WILL ABIDE THE RULES! Government now say that they will impose higher fines on Mat Rempits. Ok, but why are there still so many of them around. Ohh ya, now I remember, the cops are hiding under the flyover at the round-about trying to catch people wanking while reading the newspaper and drinking Moccha Frappucino.

The government also said that they will penalise those who write inappropriate things in their blog. Merdeka my ass.

I don't even wanna comment on equality of opportunities that the Government keeps ranting about. What a big load of horse .....

Thursday, September 21, 2006

P License Driver = Pathetic, Piss-off, Phucked-Up Driver

Those who know me well enough have seen me lose my temper before and I am not someone who loses my temper easily. I am not the kind of guy who is indefinitely kind to everyone... and by everyone I meant those suck ass drivers who still have a pathetic P stuck on their windscreen. When you have a P stuck to your windscreen, it means that you have another two years before you graduate from the Piece-of-shit driver status to become a REAL driver. So when you still have the P stuck up your ass, please drive like an 80 year old grandma and don't try to do funky stuff and again by 'funky stuff', I meant driving at the speed of more than 80 km/h, ignoring your signal lights and not switching on your headlights by 5pm. What the hell is with those people who just got their driving license? They think that since they get to step on the accelerator instead of tagging with their mum anymore, they automatically get the right to be more jerk-ish than they already were? Kids nowadays thinks that they have so much street cred, into gangsta rap and wearing those pathetic cap without the fucking top part of it makes them a little cooler as compared to their insignificant existence? Why the fuck do you even bother waering that shit in the first place?
Why am I so pissed off you asked? Well, the story took place yesterday on a beautiful evening.

The following is based on a True Story.

After work, I drove straight to Leisure Mall as I just joined Fitness First due to the constant teasing from everyone that I am fat. I know that I am but it did not matter until everyone talks about it. Upon reaching, I searched for a place to park and I tried my luck circling the complex as I do not wish to park inside because it will set me back a fortune (RM1). After two rounds, ( the complex is really really small) I finally found a parking space and I patiently waited, with my left signal lights on, for the car to get the hell out of that space. Once out, I drove a little further up front, signal lights still on, and switched to reverse gear as I really OWN many people in side parking and started to reverse into the slot. Well, what do you know, a smart-ass drove his car straight into the slot and almost slamming into my baby. Being the kind and always forgiving guy that I am, I stopped by the side of the road with my hazard lights on and calmly stepped out of my car. With a smile on my face, I walked towards the white Honda Jazz (which is cheaper and slower than my car, which totally will outrun the JAZZ even if my baby only have 2 wheels). Upon reaching, I saw the driver, face still smeared with pimples and should be in the age range of 17-18 with 3 of his "mean-faced buddies" in the car giggling like little pussies as if they just heard that there will be another version of the 'Barbie Girl' song. I knocked on his side window and he, smiling like a fuck-head, wound down his window and said, "Yes?"

The dialogue that you are about to read will be what was said between me and him. Since I don't know his name, I will kindly refer to him as Mr Jazz. Come to think of it, I will just call him Bitch.

Bitch : Yes?
(Now I know he speaks english... MAGNIFICENT)

Me: What the fuck do you think you were doing you stupid fuck. You almost rammed into my car.
(His mean faced buddies trying fucking hard to keep their cool and not wet their pants)

Bitch: Y..y..y...y.you should not call others stupid fuck.
Me: Then what am I supposed to call you? Smart fuck? What the fuck were you thinking man.
Bitch: No larr, but don't have to be so vulgar one right. Relax lar.
(Upon hearing this, I lost control and almost stuck my fist in his face, repeatedly.)

Me: Can't you fucking see that I was reversing into the fucking parking slot?
Bitch: How I know? I see got space then I marr park larr.
Me: What the fuck man? Got space then park? That was MY fucking space fucker.
Bitch: Then now I park already how?
Me: Get the fuck out larr need me to teach arr?
Bitch: Ok lorr...
Me: I recognize your fucking number plate and if anything happens to my car, I will seriously fuck you up nicely.
Bitch: If not I do wan then how?

It was then I walked to my car and he drove off and I parked my car into the beautiful and oh-so-convenient parking spot. Makes you wonder how many kids these day are just posers with their gangster look because I, for one, definitely feel afraid when I see a group of small kids with the 'I-wanna-kill-you-and-your-whole-family look.' Those that I met yesterday were just pansies and should be castrated so they become real pussies. I am not trying to stereotype them as I have seen fairly decent P drivers out there. It's just those parking space THIEVES that I will not tolerate.

*The dialogue may not be exactly 100% of the conversation that took place as there should be more vulgarity

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

My new love...

Throughout the times that everyone has come to know me, they may take me for someone who is not as loyal as everyone would hope for me to be. I am lucky however that people around me are able to forgive my mistakes. There is an announcement that I wish to make, there is someone new in my life. Her name is Scarlett.

Do you believe in love at first sight? I did not before this and of course all these changed when I met Scarlett. It is funny how things can just strike you so deep that it leaves an impression in your heart like the only star on a dark cloudless night. We have not been together for long but among the others, she is the one who is able to make my heart race everytime I see her and I am proud to bring her out, to be seen with her. Not many of my friends have had the chance to get to know her and I hope that they will be able to accept her for who she really is. Look beyond her beauty and you will soon discover that she has a great great character. I wanted her to be with me since long before but there were many obstacles that blocked our path of being together but now finally, she is mine and I know that this relationship of ours will last for a long long time. It was love at first sight and our relationship began on the 16th of this month. Many may think that my previous relationship lasted a short time, only a little more than a year but sometimes, we need to improve ourselves, we need to know who we really want. Through the love for others, we learn what love is. Through discovery of others, we discover who we really are. She is fair and sassy, she is very adaptable as well. She can accompany me when I go out on a crazy night and at the same time, she is the type who has a look so elegant that I can bring her out to functions. May I present my new love... Scarlett...


My relationship with my previous love started on the 17th of August 2005 and that was a day before my 22nd birthday. Many of my friends said that she is someone pretentious, imitating the style of others. She may be small but she has accompanied me through many down times in my life. She provided me with the space to be alone, she provided me serenity and she provided me peace. I may not have taken the best care of her but never once she let me down. She was always there when I needed to rant, when I needed someone just to be by my side, when I needed someone to listen. Many things happened throughout the whole period of time when I was with her, hearts were broken, friendships were severed but it was with her as well that the sun started shining again, the flood of worries subsided and the wind of change brought only good things to come. Our relationship may be brief but the times that we have spent together will always be remembered... She is my Hyundai Accent RXs. Thank you for the great times that we've shared.

My first relationship started when I was 17 and being young and always on the go, I met my first love. She was with me until I was almost 19. I left her behind when I went over to Australia and when I bid goodbye, my heart ached. She was my first love and therefore, as for everyone would feel the same, I could not imagine how my life would be without her existence. I was not the best person for her as there were times where I left her in great agony, where she was badly disfigured. My heart shattered and the only thing I could to do make things better was to learn how to treat her better and for that I thank her as she made me someone better. My teenage life was spent with this great lady, sure her looks were common and average but it was also through her that I really started to experience life as an adult. She was then taken care and deeply loved by my brother and I am happy because he is able to treat her well, much better than I could ever do. She was my Proton Wira. Thank you for allowing me to reaaly experience living.

Friday, September 08, 2006

- is known as a hyphen

Well, I am now actually in the office and very resourcefully spending my time understanding consumer behaviour by chatting on MSN. I came across something which is rather funny and would love to share it with everyone. Behold:-

(sn) Evil Wern () says:
are stripes still in
(sn) Evil Wern () says:
i bought 3 striped shirts
(sn) Evil Wern () says:
and a striped panty
(sn) Evil Wern () says:
i mean pants
(sn) Evil Wern () says:
Mr. Charles...- I am so thirsty... I need freshly squeezed melonade... I mean Lemonade!!! says:
Mr. Charles...- I am so thirsty... I need freshly squeezed melonade... I mean Lemonade!!! says:
vertical stripes are always in
(sn) Evil Wern () says:
oh no
(sn) Evil Wern () says:
verticle are l or -
Mr. Charles...- I am so thirsty... I need freshly squeezed melonade... I mean Lemonade!!! says:
l lar.... _ is horizontal

(sn) Evil Wern () says:
(sn) Evil Wern () says:
- leh
(sn) Evil Wern () says:
l is vertical, _ is horizontal, - is?
Mr. Charles...- I am so thirsty... I need freshly squeezed melonade... I mean Lemonade!!! says:
- is a hyphen
(sn) Evil Wern () says:
(sn) Evil Wern () says:
quite sharp ya
Mr. Charles...- I am so thirsty... I need freshly squeezed melonade... I mean Lemonade!!! says:
of course

This is only one part of the conversation and the rest would have to be heavily edited or censored due to some reasons which will affect the well-being of his balls. His tespickles will be ripped out and he shall no longer be able to celebrate father's day should someone have read what I would have posted. Anyway... will give a better update later on. Till then, take care.