P License Driver = Pathetic, Piss-off, Phucked-Up Driver

Those who know me well enough have seen me lose my temper before and I am not someone who loses my temper easily. I am not the kind of guy who is indefinitely kind to everyone... and by everyone I meant those suck ass drivers who still have a pathetic P stuck on their windscreen. When you have a P stuck to your windscreen, it means that you have another two years before you graduate from the Piece-of-shit driver status to become a REAL driver. So when you still have the P stuck up your ass, please drive like an 80 year old grandma and don't try to do funky stuff and again by 'funky stuff', I meant driving at the speed of more than 80 km/h, ignoring your signal lights and not switching on your headlights by 5pm. What the hell is with those people who just got their driving license? They think that since they get to step on the accelerator instead of tagging with their mum anymore, they automatically get the right to be more jerk-ish than they already were? Kids nowadays thinks that they have so much street cred, into gangsta rap and wearing those pathetic cap without the fucking top part of it makes them a little cooler as compared to their insignificant existence? Why the fuck do you even bother waering that shit in the first place?
Why am I so pissed off you asked? Well, the story took place yesterday on a beautiful evening.

The following is based on a True Story.

After work, I drove straight to Leisure Mall as I just joined Fitness First due to the constant teasing from everyone that I am fat. I know that I am but it did not matter until everyone talks about it. Upon reaching, I searched for a place to park and I tried my luck circling the complex as I do not wish to park inside because it will set me back a fortune (RM1). After two rounds, ( the complex is really really small) I finally found a parking space and I patiently waited, with my left signal lights on, for the car to get the hell out of that space. Once out, I drove a little further up front, signal lights still on, and switched to reverse gear as I really OWN many people in side parking and started to reverse into the slot. Well, what do you know, a smart-ass drove his car straight into the slot and almost slamming into my baby. Being the kind and always forgiving guy that I am, I stopped by the side of the road with my hazard lights on and calmly stepped out of my car. With a smile on my face, I walked towards the white Honda Jazz (which is cheaper and slower than my car, which totally will outrun the JAZZ even if my baby only have 2 wheels). Upon reaching, I saw the driver, face still smeared with pimples and should be in the age range of 17-18 with 3 of his "mean-faced buddies" in the car giggling like little pussies as if they just heard that there will be another version of the 'Barbie Girl' song. I knocked on his side window and he, smiling like a fuck-head, wound down his window and said, "Yes?"

The dialogue that you are about to read will be what was said between me and him. Since I don't know his name, I will kindly refer to him as Mr Jazz. Come to think of it, I will just call him Bitch.

Bitch : Yes?
(Now I know he speaks english... MAGNIFICENT)

Me: What the fuck do you think you were doing you stupid fuck. You almost rammed into my car.
(His mean faced buddies trying fucking hard to keep their cool and not wet their pants)

Bitch: Y..y..y...y.you should not call others stupid fuck.
Me: Then what am I supposed to call you? Smart fuck? What the fuck were you thinking man.
Bitch: No larr, but don't have to be so vulgar one right. Relax lar.
(Upon hearing this, I lost control and almost stuck my fist in his face, repeatedly.)

Me: Can't you fucking see that I was reversing into the fucking parking slot?
Bitch: How I know? I see got space then I marr park larr.
Me: What the fuck man? Got space then park? That was MY fucking space fucker.
Bitch: Then now I park already how?
Me: Get the fuck out larr need me to teach arr?
Bitch: Ok lorr...
Me: I recognize your fucking number plate and if anything happens to my car, I will seriously fuck you up nicely.
Bitch: If not I do wan then how?
Me: TOO BAD LARR FUCKER.

It was then I walked to my car and he drove off and I parked my car into the beautiful and oh-so-convenient parking spot. Makes you wonder how many kids these day are just posers with their gangster look because I, for one, definitely feel afraid when I see a group of small kids with the 'I-wanna-kill-you-and-your-whole-family look.' Those that I met yesterday were just pansies and should be castrated so they become real pussies. I am not trying to stereotype them as I have seen fairly decent P drivers out there. It's just those parking space THIEVES that I will not tolerate.

*The dialogue may not be exactly 100% of the conversation that took place as there should be more vulgarity