Grey skies on a sunny afternoon...

...things just do not make sense like that. Tomorrow is election day and I guess we all know what the outcome is going to be like. I suck and am a traitor to my own belief. I registered too late to vote when I could have exercised my right as a citizen and cast my vote to make a change as my singular vote will be worth approximately 4,398 votes. There is no rocket science theories or reasons to it, it's just because my brain activities and intelligence is comparable to so many people combined. Those motherfucking scoundrels will still get a 2/3 majority because that's the way it is. You do not ask why because the answers you get will make you want to hold a hammer in your right hand and a nail in your left, proceeding to nail your scrotum to the nearest wall or the eye of any Barisan candidate.

There is no explanation. Do you go asking a mafia why he took your muffin? You don't. You shut the fuck up and bake yourself another muffin with tears in your eyes and cyanide in the mixture, hoping that mother fucker will steal your poison-doused-chocolate-chip goodness. I share my sentiments of what I feel towards "my country" with my friends. Selected friends as I know that some are not interested in politics, and some who are not interested in politics but can do nothing to stop me from throwing my 2-cents worth of rubbish at them. I do not wish to talk about politics anymore as I am tired and knowing full well that I will sound like an emo bitch on crack and will piss everyone off.

So how have you been lately? It's really been a long time since I wrote here and I do miss sharing with people whom I presume do not give a fuck about my existence except for those who wants me dead. As far as I know, there are only 2 of you including the tea lady in my office. Life has been pretty hectic but interesting at the same time for me, dealing with fashion shows, models and all that stuff that many people think of it as glamorous but nothing to my friends as they are well accustomed to being around famous people. If you are wondering why I am putting up these stupid pictures, there are two solid reason. Reason 1, they are funny. Reason 2, it calms the killer tea lady down.

I just found out that my interview which was featured in New Icon magazine will not have a chance to win the trip to Paris. I was told that only featured celebrities and socialites (which I am none of the above categories) in the Martell Rise Above challenge will be shortlisted. Those who are interviewed for bringing changes to the business world will not get the chance. Maybe we are just not cool enough. What can you do? I have never posted the pictures of my interview before so here goes.

















































Yea I know. Comment not on the picture. I know that 98.72% of you do not know how to read chinese so what the article says is basically a description of my work and a little about my background and the things that I have done before, changes that I brought. I do not read chinese myself, something that I am truly ashamed of because it is such a magnificent language. Never in any other language can you string so many foul words together and make it sound melodious. Haha I almost said that the alcohol that I drink most was Black Label and that would definitely be awkward. They are Martell and I wanted to say Black Label... get it? Hahahahaha I am such a fucking self proclaimed sad pathetic comedian wannabe.
About voting tomorrow..... please do what is right. I need a drink, maybe Martell on the rocks, just like our democracy and freedom, on the rocks hahaha. See? I can be so funny sometimes.

Something funny about someone...

Initially, I thought of posting up my birthday event that was, as usual, jointly held with Mr. Darrell Chui a.k.a Mr Pilot a.k.a Chui Pi Pi a.k.a Chui Be Loon but the pictures for the grand event is not in yet so what can I do? I guess that it will just have to wait little longer even though, yes, it happened a week ago.

A series of events that happened lately got me labeled as a bad fruit and of course, befitting as it may be, it all depends on who placed the accusations on me. It has come to a point where I no longer lose my head over matters like these but instead, find myself being able to laugh at the hilarity and the stupidity that some people are capable of exhibiting. It may be true that I am not a perfect person, and damn, I am even lucky to be anywhere astray of imperfections but I do have my hint and pinch of goodness... oh well. One thing's for sure, I do have my friends. I will not base this blog post on someone specific ( the person who chose to hide behind the anonymity of "someone") but instead, address this issue in general.

I always view these kind of people as the jealous type who have tasted the sour grapes, attacking those like me in order to feel better about their pathetic life and feeling of being non-existent. Why do that and appear like a total loser? I have come to a conclusion that it is this kind of people that wanted themselves to be seen or be in the limelight or even be wanted but they failed, they failed to get recognition and they failed to get the girl that they want, rendering them bitter and afraid. They may speak as if they have loads of experience in regards to this matter and they may claim that they speak from experience but if you are so great, why not show it in actions? If there is a point to prove, why not prove your point instead of your contant blaberring that carries no significance? If there is a lesson behind these lectures, why not come to me and let me know what it is? I really wish to know and all these being said, it is not even a challenge or a reason for me to rip your face off, I just want to know and be a better person. Or maybe I just want to rip your face off. Does not matter now.

Funny isn't it how people self promote themselves to the height of supreme beings where they feel that they know everything and have a crystal clear view of all your flaws when they themselves does not know the boundaries of their words. I wish to introduce more friends to those lost souls who has too much time in their hands whereby they will wither into the lives of others and try to be a parasite and suck some attention off them. These kind of people view themselves as being the all-knowing-seen-it-all but as the Transformer theme goes, there's more than meets the eye. Many people here think that they know me and I do not deny that some people do and those are the people who really know me, trust me, there are only a handful.

Just to rub it in, you will never get what I am able to get or achieve what I am able to achieve because I dare say what I want to say and not hide under the covers like a coward. And just to rub it in even deeper, I was just wondering which sour grape you have tasted. Let me know and I will introduce you to that person. Just so you know, none of the people that I love will love a coward who does not even dare to show his face when being aggravated. Oh well, yet again.

I have done great injustice to my girlfriend that I have never ever featured her in my blog and so I guess that I owe it to her. Every others before this was introduced in my blog and I realised that she was not. Sorry that it took so long Miss Vicky Chow.

High Infidelity

To what extent is infidelity accepted or should the question resonates to the sound of how much could be done before a person is viewed as being void of fidelity? I do not know how to view this matter from the ladies' point of view as I do not dare judge when I cannot put myself in their shoes and comprehend their motives or reasons for being disloyal but for a guy's point of view, I guess I can contribute my two cents. That being said, it does not mean that I have been (always) unfaithful but as the question goes;

'What are the criteria or actions taken which will then constitute to transgression in a relationship? What is viewed as exceeding the limits and crossing the boundaries when it comes to relationships?'

This post is actually 'inspired' by the happenings around me lately whereby I am put in a situation where the plaintiff is a great person who is suffering in silence, crying herself silly almost every now and then. The defendant just happened to be my friend, my brother. When I come to think about it, defendant and I are so much alike, just that the way we handle the situation differ from each other. I am usually seen as the bad guy because to start a new relationship, I take drastic moves, I break people's heart, I break promises and as a result, I break them. This has happened once too many times and thus, hoping to make up for all that I have done, hoping that there is still a place for me in heaven, I repent. At least I hope I did. My defendant friend's way of handling it is totally ignoring the fact that anything happened. He will be seen as being misunderstood, not knowing what to do and confused. I have been in and out of relationships for so many times that I am blinded. Blind to see those that really cares and blind to see that some want me for certain reasons. Some people chose me for reasons that I could never comprehend. I am devoid of good looks and great body, money aplenty I have not. What is it that girls see in me I do not know. I am not complaining. I just don't understand. My friend is different, he has the charms to the looks to the layers of dough in his GUCCI wallet. But I guess that's the way life is, it's fair to a certain extent and unfair to a certain extent which all in all makes it fair again, if that even makes sense.

Digressed a little bit there, my apologies. What constitutes to someone being disloyal, unfaithful, guilty of infidelity? How far does one person have to go before being branded on their forehead with the word 'PLAYER', having to carry that word, that adjective, that misconception for life? When I say misconception, I meant it for myself. It does not mean that there are no jerks around and every case of being unfaithful can be justified. I have been sort of a philanderer before and the outcome was really bad.

It really depends on how much the girl could take. I am close to many girl friends. Nothing scandalous, just close. Vicky is someone who is very understanding in this issue and thus I have the freedom to mix with pretty much anyone that I want to mix with. In a very nonsensical way, I now have a big wife ( who happens to be a guy), a small wife ( who is now in Hong Kong), a senior concubine (Vicky), a lover, and a girlfriend. It is all good because everyone there is my close friend. The hardest thing about being in love is staying in love once you are with that special someone. It is not easy and many times I have failed, only to realise that it filled me with regrets and then comes the part where I try to make up. It will be a vicious circle until that one fine day, you no longer are able to patch the hole that you made, you no longer have the means to make up for your wrong doings and then you fall. When you fall, standing up will be the hardest thing that you have had to do.

I fall out of love for the most trivial things. That is because I did not have the patience to tolerate and I take all things too personally. All that leads to arguments and arguments lead to cracks in the relationship. I give up too easily. I give up way too easily. That is something that I have vowed to overcome. I cannot differentiate the difference of falling out of love and plain old being angry. When for that moment I did not feel like I care for that person, I feel that I no longer have love for them. Time and time again I was proven wrong which prompted me to finally learn. When things like that happen, that is where infidelity comes in. I am not trying to create an excuse for myself but it's true. I fall in love with another because I thought that I have fallen out of love with the previous. People outside the circle will look at me as if I am someone who plays people out and I have no right to question their view because that is the image that I have projected to them. Not everyone knows and not everyone understands. At least I changed. At least I am trying. I guess I have not provided an answer for the question of this post.

What are the qualities and actions taken which will constitute to someone being guilty of infidelity?

I will never know. Who will?

I want WORLD PEACE

I know I have not been updating my blog and I have a fucking valid reason for it. Well, make it a few reasons.
First off, I am waiting for the event photos that I did with Newman magazine to come in where I shared a few moments of stage time with the very-exposed friend of ours, Wern Shen. During that event... bahh I will talk about it in the next post when the photos are in.
Secondly, I have been a little lazy. Well, ok, a lot lazy but what can you do?
Thirdly, nothing really happy happened to me lately and even if I do post, it will be all sappy and will draw attacks and firing from my dear Mr. or Miss Anonymous. Hahaha that mother fucker is just fucking darn entertaining.

There is nothing much that I am looking forward to except for the release of Transformers, Simpsons the movie, Harry Porter and dinner with those wankers from high school this Saturday. I have dyed my hair red if that's anything worth mentioning about. I did that out of spite. No, I did that out of impulse and it's kinda good. I like it and I will not fucking tolerate any negative comments given by any-fucking-one about it because I will be damn fucking pissed off and dye their hair plus eye-brows red just so I can vent my anger that has been building up in me on them. This of course does not apply to the Anonymous because I do not know who he or she is since he or she prefers to hide behind the curtain of being an asshole... I mean shadow.

Anyways, I would like to thank everyone who told me that they would come and actually made it there for the event. It means a lot to me although many came late and missed my time on stage where I threw undies out to people with their arms wide open. I felt like Robin Hood, giving neccessities to the needy. As I said, more on the event later.

My whole office is under renovation and the air-conditioning is out so please forgive me for my outburst of vulgarities. To you guys who will be there this Saturday, I will see you then. Now for the finale, my final outburst for this post..... AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *cough* HHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... oh well.... until the next time dear brethrens and sisters, boys and girls and that one anonymous who could very well be something in between, take care of yourselves and of course, be happy and let us all pray for world peace... and the assasination of some worthless leaders. WORLD PEACE MOTHERFUCKERS. Ciao.

99 candles on my blogday cake

In conjunction with the celebration of my 99th post before I hit the three figure bubble, I would like to talk about somethig very general. Life. I know that it may sound boring and bland and so this is a good time to leave this page if you have no time for nonsensical debauchery. Life for me thus far, I must say, have been good and I am grateful for that. It feels like New Year's eve, somewhat as if I have things to say or do before the clock strikes 12 and marks a whole new beginning. In this episode of my life, that could not be further from the truth. There are decisions and choices that I would have to make and changes that I will have to adhere to, be it from myself of from those around me.

Back when I was in high school, up until secondary 4, I have always been the bullied one and I was always patient. I never threw a tantrum at anyone besides that one time when I swung an atlas across someone's face. When we were young, things were so much simpler. We were like a piece of wet clay waiting to be moulded. I remember that there was this once when in secondary 2, Faridz, Martin and I saved a dollar a day in a plastic container, hoping to save enough to go for a holiday at the end of the year. We were young and had funny dreams. Some idiot then broke into my locker and took everything and he even sabotaged my Kemahiran Hidup project. I was pissed but I was still calm.

Secondary 5 forced me to live a different life. I did not even recognise who I was at that time. Besides being ridiculously thin at 59kg, my temper was really whacked. I got into so many troubles and I have chased people around the school field with a shoe in my hand just because they complained when I took away THEIR football.
Things got ugly but that was how I met a new bunch of friends. A bunch of friends who will eventually teach me to do many things for the first time. (Sex not included)

College life was a bucket of fun for me and I resumed my character as I was up until secondary 4. I was a nice kid. I was nice to everyone and many people liked me. Life in college was really great for me as I have somehow gotten myself known by many people and I never had a single boring day where I do not know what I should do to fill my time. I was around many friends. Then the unthinkable happened. Rumours went around saying that I stole my buddy's girlfriend. It's a long story but I did nothing behind his back. All I did was something that he could not do. I cared. Everyone then looked at me with scorn and I was really amazed that people can just take things at surface value and judge me. I saw my friends leaving me and only a few was left. One of them was Wern Shen. I was having breakfast with him and another friend one day and they just broke it to me. It was only then I understood why I felt sidelined. Even my high school friend (he's a pilot now), turned his back on me and said that there were people on his table who would want to whack me during prom night. The transition then began. I became the seconday 5 Charles again. This Charles is scary and would spare no one.

I changed again when I went to Australia and I changed for the worse when I am came back to Malaysia when something happened. I do not wish to even mention about it anymore. I have changed for the worse.

The point of all these is just to say that we have the right to choose the path that we wish to follow. We can choose the hands which moulds us. I am glad that everyone that I have came across, at some point in time, crossed my life because it is because of them, I know who I am and who I can be. I know who I want to be. And i know that I can be that better person. I know that I can be that happier person. Some people choose to hide in denial and some people choose to put on a mask and be someone whom they are not. I am unlike them. My friends who know me will know my transition pattern. They would have experienced the greatest tolerance from me and they would have experienced the worst from me.
I want the transition to stop. I want to stay in the good man zone. Fret not, there will be no masks. Just Charles. Just the Charles that everyone knew from the very beginning.

I was having breakfast alone this morning and I overheard a conversation which got me laughing. Everyone, inevitably will make comparisons. Everyone is guilty of that. It is human nature. When we were younger, we will compare everything from grades to height. When we are grown up, we will compare everything from wealth to girth, boyfriends to diametres. I just wish for you guys to know that everyone is different and that is the greatest thing about individuality. We improve each other.
The conversation that I overheard was between 3 Aunties. I will just call them 1,2 and 3. The conversation has been translated from Cantonese to English by yours truly.

1 : Aiyo, your grandson so fat d hor. Never go out Exercise meh?

2 : Yalorr, my grandson arr, everyday play basketball wan arr. He so thin and fit.

1 : My grandson also same lorr. SO many girls call him at night lar. His mother also scold d.

2 : My grandson also larr. Handphone ring non-stop. Talk talk talk dunno got study or not.

1 : (talking to 3) Your grandson so fat not good larr. No people like wan. Next time no girl want.

3 : Aiyo, what to do? My son very successful and get so much money, send my grandson to "Mei Kok" (USA) to study. There arr, I heard very cold. How to go out exercise. He comes back once a year only marr. My son also tell me he and his girlfriend also 2 years together already. I don't really like when I see the picture larr. You know "Kwai Po" (Foreign Ladies) and I next time very hard to talk one marr. She face white white, hair gold gold. Don't know how to say my grandson d larr.

1&2 : ............ ok.

That was seriously the highlight of my day and it did make my whole day a lot happier. That two aunties just got owned big time. Oh well. Post number 100 coming up. Don't hold your breath for it. Because you will die. And when you die, you will not be alive. And when you are not alive you will be dead. And when you are dead, you are no longer alive. Take care all.

The complexity of a human mind

It's cloudy today isn't it?
Looks like it's just going to pour.
Wonder how the traffic will be like later on.
Well, hope that you guys have a safe journey home.
The winds are strong as well so please hold on to your umbrella.

There will always be a point in time when you are stuck in a situation where you do not know what to do and you do not truly understand the complexity of everything. You know that the only complexity that exists in the whole scenario is the human factor and I thought that that would be the least of the problems. Who would have thought that humans cannot control the disaster that we ourselves created. Be it war. Be it feelings. As humans, we always think that things will eventually turn out for the better if not for the best but there are things which will not work themselves out if we do not choose to act upon it. Dilemmas. Things are not always easy just as the oceans are not always calm. What is it that we can do to remedy problems which are already so deeply soaked into the souls of the very one that we are trying to protect? I wish i knew the answer to that. I do not think that anyone has the capabilities to comprehend exactly what goes on in the head... and sometimes heart of another. All we can do is guess. My guesses are always wrong. God is an intelligent being. He created something that even the most advance of technology cannot read and comprehend. He created individual minds. He created individuality. He created each of us to be different.

Differences. How do we actually differ from each other besides the obvious physical outlook that each of us have? Character. That is the only thing. And that is the only thing that we cannot fully comprehend. How I wish that I can utilise more than that measly 5% of my brain. Maybe then I can know what goes on in people's mind. Maybe then I can know what I can do. Maybe then I can finally be sure of myself.

There is always more to life than being who we are. We should always try and learn to be more than who we can be. That way, life will truly be worth living. Life will truly be lived.

Professor Charles

There comes a day when we all realise that we have a beast living inside us. It is just a matter of time before it surface and momentarily take over our conscious mind and make us act like how we would never normally do. Even my dream was laced with violence. In my dream, I had a fight, and that fight was with a friend, I do not clearly remember the cause but there was a fight. I woke up feeling like shit, thinking that it was impossible for me to pick a fight with a close friend of mine. I dare not promise that but as I said, I think it is impossible. I have been proven wrong and it was there I shall learn to control.
Every single one of us enjoy some form of violence. It's true. Violence make people excited, it makes people happy and it energizes. Some people enjoy watching wrestling where people inflict pain on each other and although it was all planned and maybe even choreographed, but the image that is being portrayed and sent out consists of nothing but violence. We all remember scenes and clips from America's Funniest Home-videos where there are kids swinging a baseball bat straight into the balls of their father and we found that amusing. In other words, we find pain amusing. It is nothing to be ashamed of actually. That is how we really are. We are violent creatures and that is why we are on top of the food chain.
In reality, our mind is segregated into three different categories which is the Id, Ego and Super-Ego. Id is the primal state of mind where there is no control over anything. Basic instinct, immediate response and reaction for a given situation, those all fall under Id. No restraints, no conscience involved. When you feel like you need to shit, Id tells you to shit. Then there is ego. Ego is the reality that is imposed on the Id. It takes into consideration many things such as other people's wants, needs and feelings. When you feel like you need to shit, your ego tells you that you need to take off your pants and not shit in it. Super-ego is the phase where ethics and morals and conscience and all those things come in. When you feel like you need to shit, your super-ego tells you to go to a toilet and shit and not make too loud a noise because that would be disturbing and cause distress to others.
The reason I explained all that is because, besides the fact that I can, I wish to point out that there are ways that we can block out ego and super-ego when the emotions becomes too overwhelming. When you get too angry and disstressed, your ego and super-ego will be turned off and you are left with your Id. What would your Id tell you to do when you are very angry?
I don't know what's my point of writing this entry but just felt like it.
Cheers.