Valentine's Day and the Car Door

It's that time of the year again when that small little fry with his little wings and his tiny bow and arrow start to shoot people with his love filled heart shaped arrow-heads. That small fry is the Cupid that we see so much in comics and cartoons and from watching the Hercules series last time, I learnt that he is the son of the goddess of love Aphrodite, pronounced as Afro-Die-D. That arrow that he fires usually come with a great price tag and has the ability to burn many many things. Burn past hatreds, bad memories and a fucking gigantic hole in your Gucci wallet. The reason why we celebrate Valentine's day is just to justify to the other party that during Valentine's this year, he or she has been chosen to be the special one and in turn hope that he or she will be the one you celebrate with every year. In my thorough research, Valentine's day is actually created by someone called Santa Claus and he used to be a florist and he thought to himself one fine day, "How the hell am I going to try and rip off those suckers to buy my flowers at at least ten times the price? Ah ha, I know, I will create a day to celebrate love. Those who does not celebrate it will be seen as un-romantic fuckers and will get bitch slaps and maybe get dumped." Now that we know whose fault it is, I suggest that we abolish this stupid day where everyone is out to rip you off. To celebrate love, everyday is a good day, why just February 14th? Does celebrating this 'love' day even prove that you love that person? February 14th makes is compulsory, makes it mandatory, makes it an obligation even for you to even try harder than you always do to prove your love to that special someone. Does it all not seem so fake and fucking superficial? What is the point of creating a day for you to prove that you love that person more when you can do it any other day or when the occassion is right, when the time is right, when the moment is right, when the setting is right, when the mood is right, when the music is right, when the lighting is right, when the car seat is adjusted just right, when the climax of the movie is right, when the schlong in your pants is parked right? What if you are in the middle of your Valentine's dinner and you suffer from stomach discomfort and needed to shit badly? Would that not spoil the evening?

I ran a promotion for our own retail chain called The Undershop to celebrate Valentine's day and it was aptly called The Undershop Valentine's Day Promo. I don't want to over-complicate matters because I know that there are many not-so-bright people out there and hence the simple and straightforward tagline. It is a promotion that I feel is very special and attractive but the whole things is ruined by those overpaid-lazy ass- motherfucking- asshole promoters who did not do as they were told. What I tell them to do, they must do. Why? Because this is my promotion and I am a higher ranking dude. FUCKING ASSHOLES. I do not abuse my power and my authority but when they do not do as they were told and fuck up my whole promotion, I am bound to be pissed off and when I get pissed off, it is never a pretty sight. I have fucked them up nicely a few times and yet they are not doing anything. My next step, fire all those motherfuckers and yes, I dare say so because I have the influence to make them all get fired. Bastards and whores. Ok anyway, the promotion was that when you buy RM50 and above in a single receipt, you get to have your picture taken with your partner and posted in front of the shop and at the end of the promotion, 3 couples will be chosen as the winners (by me), and will have prizes amounting up to RM2,800.
They will first have to collect their Smart for Two where they will get to drive it for a week, then go for a free haircut by Michael and Guys in Times Square, then go get their free clothes amounting up to a thousand bucks per couple from Philosophy for Men and Salabianca. Then dinner will be at Mojo in Asian Heritage Row. The whole idea is to create a hassle free Valentine's day for three lucky couples and they are lucky alright.
I remember that I wanted to say something in the beginning and I just lost it. Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day to everyone out there and go ahead and splurge your salary away.

Oh ya, now I fucking remember. As usual, my temper has been a source of many of my problems and I punched a fucking taxi not too long ago. It was a funny incident. I was driving and those cars coming out from the left and wanting to cross over to the other side of the traffic was blocking the drivers (me) who wanted to go straight and they are so inconsiderate that they have the knack to block a smooth flowing traffic just because they are idiots with an IQ of a fucking cat with it's head smashed by a sledge hammer by some demented kid who looks like that fuck face from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. After the two idiots passed, I was already damn pissed off, this fucking taxi just sped ahead and blocked the traffic again and I almost crashed into him. I did things the civilised way and honked and he showed me the "what fuck?" handsign, the one with the back of his palm facing me. If he was not civilised, then I shall not be one. I got down the car, walked towards him and motioned for him to come out. He looked scared, that I am sure and he just ignored me. I love attention and since he is not giving me any, I punched his car door and he finally got to drive away. Lucky bastard. I went back to my car and my knuckles fucking hurt. It was in pain for 2 days. God damn fucking car doors. God damn fucking taxi drivers. FUCK LARR.

Happy Valentine's Day everybody. Have a fucking good one.