A Blog With A Title

The life of a regular guy, going through irregular changes, looking for simple pleasures in life. Funny how seldom you can put simple and pleasure together. Everyone needs to believe in a GOD and I believe I can fill your believe. To you, I shall be GOD.

Friday, December 29, 2006

I could've killed...

I have never felt so afraid of myself. I am literally afraid of what I can and want to do in the face of adversity. Two nights ago, I wanted to kill. If I was alone in my car, I might already have. Many people told me about my lack of control over my temper and I do start to agree. I find it hard to believe that I am so far from whom I once was, the person with little temper or fury. I really wish to find out what happened to myself. I am losing control and that is never a good thing.

Let me tell you guys a story that happened two nights ago that not only made me afraid and paranoid of motorcyclist but instead, made me even more afraid of myself. Here goes.

After the launch of the ODM watch party in Zouk, I fetched Vicky back to her place and as we were driving, we were talking about ourselves, past and present. Conversation was not over yet when my car stopped in front of her place and so I decided to stop across the street and park in front of a row of shops, a row of very well lit shops. We sat and chat. Her back facing my dashboard and I stayed put facing the steering wheel. Four people on two motorcycles went pass us and I did not think much of it and after a few moments, Vicky turned to me and said something in the context of “Do not lend it to them”. I was a little lost as it was totally out of context and she was looking straight out my side window. I looked and was rather taken aback that there were two malay guys on a bike right beside me and the assigned rider reached over and tried to open my door. Driving a car with automatic transmission, I shifted the gear to D and stepped on the accelerator and sped off and that was before the pillion rider managed to take a swing at my side door. My assumption is that he wanted to smash my window to gain access to my car. At a safe distance of approximately 200 meters away, I looked at my rear view mirror and saw them staying where I left them. Vicky told me that they made a hand sign of a lighter, as if asking me to lend them one, thus her out-of-context comment. It was then I lost it. And by losing it, I meant I wanted them to die. I took a turn and headed in the opposite direction which means that I was going towards them. Pissed off and frustrated is an understatement and it was then that I wanted to end their life. I have never believed that two fuckers on a bike can survive if my Scarlett knocks them down with considerable speed. I wanted to so bad and I lost all sense of judgment and all I wanted to see was two corpses lying on the floor. Better still, the two guys half dead and I can fucking break their fucking knees with fucking bricks. Better still, their other two friends who might have wanted to try and defend them being in the same position. I sped and that was when Vicky got afraid and held on to me pleading me not to do stupid things. Having the responsibility for her safety, I decided to forgo the plan. I was considerably pissed. She was trembling and trying my best to comfort her, I could not get the image of those two fuckers out of my mind. Driving on, stopping at a traffic light with a few other cars, I saw the two bikes with their lights off in front of me and not wanting to make Vicky worry, I silently stepped on it and wanted to see them fall and skid. They noticed and they took a turn thus ending my chase. I really wanted to bump into them again and so I drove around the neighbourhood but to no avail. Finally, I sent Vicky home and then headed home, always wanting to see them again. Scarlett is scarred. It was this incident that made me realize that I really need to re-evaluate myself. I am afraid of myself. I am sure that with this, others will be afraid of me too. I wanted to kill and this might be the first time I have had this feeling. One of the first at least.

I did not kill and I am fucking glad. What would I have lost if I did? Everything.

But secretly, I wish for them to die. I wish for them to be run over by a lorry. I wish for them to lie on the road bleeding, gasping for air and everything around them turns dark, before another lorry runs over their heads. And a dog peeing on what is left of them, just for laughs.

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19 Comments:

Anonymous faridz said...

they are a useless bunch arent they. should have done us all a favor and go ahead with your plan...2 less mat rempits in the world and thats a very good thing.

10:50 AM  
Anonymous hendrik said...

why didn't u kill them ? sigh !!!

1:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

they are pieces of shits... Malays with nothing else better to do than to try n rob ppl... no wonder the country cant be a developed one... ruled by people of that breed... thats the word for them... BREED...

2:54 PM  
Anonymous reagan said...

hahaha... cool cool... smack their lil ass... stupid mat rempits...

2:55 PM  
Anonymous me said...

Hey..Take care of urself. Hope everything will start new when 2007 comes. Happy New Year!

3:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

now we know why M'sia is way behind SG. "Mat rempit vs Kiasu" ... M'sia is a better country in all aspect(resources,land,workforce,etc) .... but still losing behind.... and that's because of the "hak orang malay" fuck man !!! they dare not open up the economy too cause afraid their people will be eating sands instead ....KNN CCB MAGAHAI !!!

no offence to those smart malays who befriend chinese.... u rox !

9:24 AM  
Blogger Charles said...

racism should not even be an issue here but it is obvious that it is in existence. Since the ruling of our current prime minister, I am sad to say that racism is an issue they are trying to hide rather than solve and more and more ministers are actually coming out and talking about this rather indiscreetly, saying about their rights and all, like how they wanna reshuffle the control in Penang, or even saying how bumis should be helped further as they are not well off compared to chinese but we all know that it is all bollocks, there are plenty of rich malays and there are figure to show that... but the chinese dude who came up with the figure got screwed in the ass by the government and he has to quit his job as the professor of a local uni. In a couple of days, we will be celebrating our 50th Merdeka. What a fucking joke.

9:33 AM  
Anonymous hendrik said...

Welcome to Malaysia mate !!!

VMY2007 .... bring some small notes to bribe the fucking police !!!

8:13 PM  
Anonymous faridz said...

wow..racism issues..calling malays shits and labelling them breeds? that doesnt even like make the slightest sense cause if youre trying to make it mean like a bad word, it seriously doesnt. And why the anonymity? Put your real name up there jackass cause if you do have the guts to say such a thing then back it up and log on and put your real name. Like me. Hi, i'm faridz and i hate indians. there, see.

10:07 PM  
Blogger life of a lonely girl. said...

Woah can't believe you meet those good for nothing mat rempit!! its what we called society rubbish!! "Yan Zha"
Some malays are open too! (like that anonymous said, malay that friend with chinese usually is open)
Anyway cool down man!

12:57 AM  
Anonymous Ananda Krishnan said...

Why do u hate Indians ? I'm the richest man reciding in M'sia ! Are u ? If u're an educated and well mannered Malay guy (faridz)then good for u. RESPECT !

Just look at the top10 rich list in M'sia and u'll know who's running the economy ! They are the minority race !

I hope Malays will be up there too one day and help push the economy higher to be able to compete with other developed nations. The government need to do something bout those who have the kampung/stone age style of thinking ... don't be left behind while the others march on !

Wake up !!!

11:57 AM  
Blogger Charles said...

OK... the race issue shall stop here as it was never my wish to raise this debate between races. Each race has their own role to play in this country and in this economy so let's not go bashing on each other with this issue. Show some love people. Ananda Krishnan... I am fucking feeding you with my Maxis postpaid so better shut the fuck up you rich bastard. I am so gonna kidnap you.
Let 2007 be a better year for all and hopefully, the Mr.-PM-Son-In-Law Khairy will come to his bloody senses and not bloody endorse the fucking stupid idea of helping Mat Rempit "let off steam" by closing certain roads for the to race... why not open a certain street for drug addicts to inject themselves and close some lorongs for rapists to prey on little girls... what is this country coming to? Bloody hilarious and fucking nonsensical.

9:56 AM  
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