Thank you... sorry...don't zap me...

It has been some time since I last blogged and I feel that I am beginning get used to the fact that I am beginning my posts with this sentence. The past few days have been really bad for me and my family. My grandma is not showing any signs of improvement but instead, she is beginning to show signs that she might just 'leave' us at any time. SHe has been staying with us for more than 10 years and somehow or rather, I have gotten used to having her around. I used to wish that she would sometimes spend a few days with my aunts so that I can have complete freedom because she is a light sleeper. Everytime I come home late, she would know, and somehow sometimes, my mum will get to know about it. Not that I get any bashing or scolding anymore but somehow, I feel uncomfortable, I felt like there was a surveillance camera spying on me. Typing this alone gives me heartache. I wonder if it is because of my grandma or if it is because of the half pack of cigarettes that I smoke everyday. I have seen so much tears lately that I cannot take it anymore. It is becoming frustrating. Seeing her so frail, I just wish that there is something I can do to set things right. I just wish that I can make everything better again. I have never seen her like this before. She has always been a great grandma. She has. I am glad that I am not alone in thinking this way. There are some rough patches along our acquaintance, mine and hers but deep down, how can someone stay angry at their grandma, even for a spec of a second. I want to tell her I am sorry but I do not even know how to say it. There was this morning when I was still sleeping and my brother woke me up, told me that my grandma wanted to see me. I went into the room and she was sitting upright. I went and sat beside her, and aimlessly, she put her frail and weak palms on my hand and trailed it up to my face. It was then I know that her sight was gone. She called out my name and tears just ran down my face. I tried not to sob, not to make her worry, not to burden her anymore but I guess that my tears found its way to her hand. She told me not to cry and everything will be alright. I couldn't. She could not even see me whom she has been staying with for more than 10 years, but I was sure that she can 'see' me. She does not need to open her eyes to know how I look or see the emotions on my face. We have been seeing each other so often, we just know how we look by listening to our voice.

I have been busy, and that is a good thing. It leaves me less time to think about it. While typing this post, it makes me realise how much pain it can cause just by thinking about it.
I mentioned in my last post that I will be posting up pictures of the sceneries in Taiwan, I will make it in the next. Before I end, I just want to say sorry to my friends who asked me out to which I continually decline. It's just that I am afraid that I may spoil the whole evening for you guys. Thank you to my friends who called to care. Thank you to those who came visit my grandma, it really brightened up her day. Thank you to those who could not come but still called to have a chat with her. She has always been the friendly grandma who smiles at all my friends, never once was I shy to bring friends home because I know she is one hell of a happening grandma. I once told a friend about my wish if I ever saw a genie, just that one wish will make me the most powerful being, more supreme than god himself. I will give up that wish just to stop her pain and suffer.

p/s: Sorry GOD, I was just kidding. I know that you are powerful and I can never beat you... please don't zap me.