Bunch of Cocks

My blog. This is what it is. I have fucking deleted my first entry and as you might have guessed, it is my most recent post, the one about me re-enacting a scene from The Hostel. I have received calls from several just to tell me how sick I am, I have been asked to take it down as it was disturbing and I have friends telling me, during tea, that I am crazy and they are afraid of me. If this is how it is, this is how it would be. The next update will happen when something nice happens to me or when I have something worth mentioning such as how I have REALLY killed someone and not just write about it. If no posts ever comes up, then you guys know how you guys are treating me. Just a note, I don't think that I have been that judgmental to anyone of you guys. Thank you.

I am who I am

Looking back since I started writing, this is already my 81st post. It is not all that many of a posts, I know but come to think of it again, since the first day I started to share my life and my thoughts online with you guys, so much has happened and it just made me realise how quickly time passes us by. We are all different now. We have grown up and have faced so many challenges and obstacles that we have to endure in life. Ultimately, I would not say that it has made us, let me correct that, I would not say that it has made me a better person but one thing's for sure, life has definitely made me stronger and it is that strength that is feeding my ego and confidence. I have become arrogant and I have become selfish, I admit that and I never deny the fact that there is no one above me as I take my own well-being into consideration first before anything else. Just the other day, I met up with an old friend and lets just call her by the name 'Rachel'. It has been quite a long time since I last saw her and that is why she can be a good judge to tell me how I have changed through time since she was not hanging with me through the transition of my transformation. I asked her as to why she liked me before, the qualities that I had, the characteristics that made her like me in the first place. She told me that when we started last time, I was like a plain piece of paper, still innocent and naive. At this point, many of you guys who are reading this will be laughing and honestly tell me, was I not someone like that? Trust for me was not something extremely valuable before and so I gave it out to everyone, every single one. That piece of trust that consists of only five alphabets have had caused me so much disstress before and it was from there, paranoia, doubt and stereotype enveloped my life, as a form of self defense mechanism if you will. She said that I have changed, no longer the Charles that she knew and if given another chance, she would not wish to be with me again. Comments were based on my temperament, my ego and my distrust in everyone. Everyone changes so there's not much of a surprise there but mine has been drastic. For those who knew me long before I am who I am today, you guys know how I was like. Is it not funny how people around you can mould you to become someone that you yourself are afraid of? I have been made this way by people around me and honestly, I am afraid of myself because what I lack now is self control. I am afraid that I might do something that I might regret later in the future. Vicky commented about me as well, saying that I will blow up just because of minor issues, that I will react in anger even if someone rudely cuts into my lane while driving. Is that not good? Will it be better if I keep it all inside and try my fucking hardest to suppress it and when it fails, I fucking erupt and the aunty that is half blind who just renewed her licence and who just cuts into my lane without her indicator signal will get the beating of her life, her legs broken and her throat punched repeatedly? I didn't think so. So when I have minor anger burst, just let me be and everything will be ok. When I have major anger burst, stay away and just let me be and everyone will be ok. I actually wanted to write about movies and how it will apply in our lives. I wanted to write about how I would torment and kill the other person if there was such a thing as The Hostel. Maybe in my next post. Cheers guys and have a fuckinglicious weekend.

Pig on my butt

Maybe it is just me. Maybe it is just my paranoia acting up again. Or maybe I just need to wind down a little bit and go take a dump in the middle of the dessert and hope that my pile of shit will start creating an oasis. I know my shits won't bring about any good besides the fact that I contribute a little bit more to the toilet paper and water expense. Due to sensitivity and restrictions on my own behalf, this post may just very well turn out to be 'just another post'. Or it may not. Lets see.

The past few days has been somewhat of an emotional roller-coaster for me and I am beginning to hear stuff like "Oh my fu*king god, Charles is gonna start whining and bitching and get all wussied up talking about emotional stuff which is gonna turn this whole post into an emo post". Not so. This post will contain serious matters in which I wish to share and discuss with the people I know and those who do read my blog and hopefully each and everyone can contribute their ideas to actually help me solve a problem that I have been facing for the past few days and maybe, just maybe, you guys can help me rid my problems off me. How the hell should I bloody style my hair so that Cindy won't laugh at it as if she has seen a baby elephant coming out from a giraffe's ass? My god. Anyways, I have not had the priviledge to actually post for the past few days and this is due to the reason that the internet connection in my office is trying to act like King Xerxes ( which is like a pussy) and deprive me of the oh so very important internet connection that I need. The crew somehow manage to stick together went through the worst of times and this does indeed brings joy, very much of it, to me. Just a few days back, I thought that this would be the end of everything. To you guys, we have started out together and stuck to each other since, we have grown a little in number, everyone close and dear to us were added into the group and now I believe that we have that bond to tie us together. Lets stay this way shall we? We may be small in number but adequate in love and care. There may be a little unfairness in the distribution amount of love in the group and that is acceptable. For example, Cindy does not love me all that much compared to..... because I have a funny hairstyle. But all in all, I know that she still loves me and if you see a next post from me, it is confirmed that I am somewhere in her heart because she has not come to with with a sledge hammer and a chainsaw. The original click five has begun to morph into something which resembles LMF (LazyMotherFuckers) in terms of number and the language used.

I have something funny and disgusting to share and do not worry, the two stories are not related. First off, the disgusting story.

I was having my breakfast and there was a baby roach in my fucking noodle. Ok, now moving on to the funny story.
Just two days ago, I went to my gym and firstly, I will admit that I do not pack my own gym bag and it is all done by my maid whom Darrell totally digs and hopes to have sweet, passionate sex with. Anyways, I got changed and went for my workout and there is so much that you can learn from the idiot box. I was on the treadmill with my headphone on and my eyes fixed on TV number 5 which was showing The Simpsons. Ned Flanders' sons, Gay Flanders and Fag Flanders asked theid dad a question and I FUCKING BEG YOU GUYS NOT TO BLAST ME BECAUSE I AM JUST SHARING SOMETHING THAT I LEARNED. I AM NOT TRYING TO STIR UP RELIGIOUS OR RACIAL ISSUES. The conversation goes something like this:
(They were trying to act out a scene from the bible)

Gay : Dad, if Kane and Abel are the only children of Adam and Eve, how did they have more babies?
Fag : Did they have babies with their mother?
Gay : Or with each other?
Ned : Speak of no more sins Gay and kill your brother.

And so there we are. Oh fuck... OK that was not the story, I got sidetracked, back to the story. After my gym session, I went to take my shower and it always feels good to have a hot shower after gym as it relaxes you. Then came my horror. When I opened my bag, I saw a pair of fresh, bright red underwear and as a cherry on top of the scoop of chocolate sundae of embarassment, there was a print of a pig at the right butt cheek. I had no choice, I walked out of the shower donning the bright-red-underwear-with-a-print-of-a-pig-on-the-right-butt-cheek and walked towards my locker, heads down. And if you guys are wondering, both heads are down. It was embarassing. I know that people were looking and it was the most awkward situation that I have been in since I went to gym.

That's it for today boys and girls. Cheers.

In the spur of the moment

Many things are done in the spur of the moment and we tend to regret it for a very long time. It does not involve kerosene and a match on a roof or a kitchen knife across someone's throat or a nail and a hammer and someone else's eyeball but something less serious but nonetheless hurtful. I am talking about infidelity. In the spur of the moment, the action taken may seem so trivial but the consequences are indescribable and downright hurtful that is enough to make you regret for a long long time. I do emphatize with both the victims, yes, both of them are victims to consequence. Infidelity, stereotypically speaking, often occur with the man being found guilty, awaiting death sentence with his head on the guillotine. I, on the other hand have experienced the reverse situation whereby the lady is the guilty one and I will not state who out of respect for her reputation or what's left of it. The people that I know are not all that bad and yes, maybe some of us have been labelled 'playboys', ok, everyone in the group that I hang out with ARE labelled playboys but how far is it true? We may be a little bit of a philanderer but besides being a little bit more crafty with our words, we rarely do wrong to the people that we are with.
People may say things like "You deserve it." or "He who plays with fire gets burned". It may be true but there are times when guys become a little vulnerable and falls victim to emotions. Rationale no longer holds control and when emotions takes over, it is usually when the wrongdoings of 'spur of the moment' happens. It may stem from true feelings or purely infactuation but what has been done has been done and when it cannot be saved, we will have to face the music, be it the guillotine, be it the gas chamber, be it the steamroller, let it come and when it is over, there will be a new beginning.

*Post is not about the author or anyone in particular. Any similarities to anyone, dead or alive, are pure coincidences.

Professor Charles

There comes a day when we all realise that we have a beast living inside us. It is just a matter of time before it surface and momentarily take over our conscious mind and make us act like how we would never normally do. Even my dream was laced with violence. In my dream, I had a fight, and that fight was with a friend, I do not clearly remember the cause but there was a fight. I woke up feeling like shit, thinking that it was impossible for me to pick a fight with a close friend of mine. I dare not promise that but as I said, I think it is impossible. I have been proven wrong and it was there I shall learn to control.
Every single one of us enjoy some form of violence. It's true. Violence make people excited, it makes people happy and it energizes. Some people enjoy watching wrestling where people inflict pain on each other and although it was all planned and maybe even choreographed, but the image that is being portrayed and sent out consists of nothing but violence. We all remember scenes and clips from America's Funniest Home-videos where there are kids swinging a baseball bat straight into the balls of their father and we found that amusing. In other words, we find pain amusing. It is nothing to be ashamed of actually. That is how we really are. We are violent creatures and that is why we are on top of the food chain.
In reality, our mind is segregated into three different categories which is the Id, Ego and Super-Ego. Id is the primal state of mind where there is no control over anything. Basic instinct, immediate response and reaction for a given situation, those all fall under Id. No restraints, no conscience involved. When you feel like you need to shit, Id tells you to shit. Then there is ego. Ego is the reality that is imposed on the Id. It takes into consideration many things such as other people's wants, needs and feelings. When you feel like you need to shit, your ego tells you that you need to take off your pants and not shit in it. Super-ego is the phase where ethics and morals and conscience and all those things come in. When you feel like you need to shit, your super-ego tells you to go to a toilet and shit and not make too loud a noise because that would be disturbing and cause distress to others.
The reason I explained all that is because, besides the fact that I can, I wish to point out that there are ways that we can block out ego and super-ego when the emotions becomes too overwhelming. When you get too angry and disstressed, your ego and super-ego will be turned off and you are left with your Id. What would your Id tell you to do when you are very angry?
I don't know what's my point of writing this entry but just felt like it.
Cheers.

CNY- short post of no significance

Chinese New Year is almost over and there comes a time when we say goodbye to celebrations, holidays, excessive drinking and gambling like a high roller. I always look forward to Chinese New Year but it is mainly because of the holidays and the red packets and the way i look at it is all wrong. I am no longer feeling the mood of festivities but instead only the little perks that comes with it. Chinese New Year no longer bear the meaning that it used to, that is to me at least, all I know is that it is the beginning of the new lunar year. I drank, and I drank a lot. I gambled and there were so many ups and downs but all in all I lost. I lost fucking 5 bucks. I am not in the mood. Not this year. I am not even sure about the determining factors to me feeling this way. Maybe it is because I am already grown up and all these do not play a significant role in my life anymore.
I remember that when we were much younger, we all sat in daddy's car on the first day of Cinese New Year and drove to my uncle's place and we would stay there from morning til night where our dad and uncles will be playing mahjong and mum and aunts will be chatting and the younger ones will be drinking (soft drinks and packet drinks) and mix around, a once in a year activity. But now that everyone has grown up, we still go to my uncle's place but in a few different cars as we will head of after a spending a few hours there. The meaning of Chinese New Year and the purpose of it has diminished as we age and there is only so much of it left which is not superficial. Meeting up once a year and having to go like " Wah... long time no see, how are you?" while smiling like a fucking buffoon when you know that deep inside that neither side gives a shit. You have your life and I have mine, or I would like to believe that I do.
Nothing really significant happened except for that one time that the explosives that we set off went sideways and if we were any luckier, it would have given a chance to one of the tenants in Sierramas to renovate their house. I don't even know if this Chinese New Year has been a happy one. I cannot be sure. There are so many things that I am no longer sure of anymore. I am not even sure of myself. Again, I am lost. I have developed an addiction to have my fist on people's face.