I want WORLD PEACE

I know I have not been updating my blog and I have a fucking valid reason for it. Well, make it a few reasons.
First off, I am waiting for the event photos that I did with Newman magazine to come in where I shared a few moments of stage time with the very-exposed friend of ours, Wern Shen. During that event... bahh I will talk about it in the next post when the photos are in.
Secondly, I have been a little lazy. Well, ok, a lot lazy but what can you do?
Thirdly, nothing really happy happened to me lately and even if I do post, it will be all sappy and will draw attacks and firing from my dear Mr. or Miss Anonymous. Hahaha that mother fucker is just fucking darn entertaining.

There is nothing much that I am looking forward to except for the release of Transformers, Simpsons the movie, Harry Porter and dinner with those wankers from high school this Saturday. I have dyed my hair red if that's anything worth mentioning about. I did that out of spite. No, I did that out of impulse and it's kinda good. I like it and I will not fucking tolerate any negative comments given by any-fucking-one about it because I will be damn fucking pissed off and dye their hair plus eye-brows red just so I can vent my anger that has been building up in me on them. This of course does not apply to the Anonymous because I do not know who he or she is since he or she prefers to hide behind the curtain of being an asshole... I mean shadow.

Anyways, I would like to thank everyone who told me that they would come and actually made it there for the event. It means a lot to me although many came late and missed my time on stage where I threw undies out to people with their arms wide open. I felt like Robin Hood, giving neccessities to the needy. As I said, more on the event later.

My whole office is under renovation and the air-conditioning is out so please forgive me for my outburst of vulgarities. To you guys who will be there this Saturday, I will see you then. Now for the finale, my final outburst for this post..... AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *cough* HHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... oh well.... until the next time dear brethrens and sisters, boys and girls and that one anonymous who could very well be something in between, take care of yourselves and of course, be happy and let us all pray for world peace... and the assasination of some worthless leaders. WORLD PEACE MOTHERFUCKERS. Ciao.

Illuminated path

Hello there,

It was never easy to have you in my heart as first,

It was harder to have myself in your heart as last.

I wanted to understand the mechanics of this thing called love. The more I try to find the answers, the more I tried to comprehend, the more lost I became. I have lost all my routes of escape. I fail to understand to reason behind the sharp pain that I feel every morning even after you have moved on to a path leading to somewhere better. I am tired of hiding behind the wine bottle and cowering behind unconciousness. I pulled all my strength together and tried to stand, I always end up falling on my knees at the end of the day. I finally feel how you felt. I finally had a taste of my own medicine, brewed by my very own hands. Things are looking better for you and I am happy. You may have finally found that special someone who will give you all the love and care that you truly deserve. Here, I wish all the very best and that you should get nothing less than what you deserve, which is nothing short of the best. I hope that your new lease of life will bring you all things good. I hope that your new pillar of support will have your back through thick and thin. I hope that you will always be you. That you who will always be irreplaceable.

The centurian post

Finally we are at the threshold of our hundredth post. With post number 100, I thought that I would either feel ecstatic or mirthless but much to my dismay, I feel nothing. Maybe there is so much more going on in my mind. Maybe my concentration is veered to something with much more importance. Life thus far have been really rewarding for me in garnishing my days with new experiences. My life, the way I have lead it up until now, have always been based on impulse. What I wish to do, I just do and the consequences of my actions have brought me much joy but accompanying that, I have had my fair share of unhappiness. For the past few days or so, I have been living my life in austerity, not wanting to meet up with people and chose to just stay at home and be alone. How often do you see me being at home on a Sunday? This post could either mark the end of a chapter or the beginning of the new but nonetheless, I have come to terms that no matter what this post may mean, it has given enough reflection of my life from the time I began blogging. There were stories of lost and defeat, there were stories of success and victory. I have traveled to many places in the course of the years and I have held different jobs and you guys have been accompanying me along my journey. Some of you left encouraging comments and some left slandering remarks but all is fine and all is forgiven. I have lived my life long enough to know that I am not as perfect as I thought I was. I have learnt to accept the fact that not everything goes my way and not everyone look at things from my perspective. I have learned to pick myself up from where I fall and I have learned that I have every right to celebrate my glory when my chance arrives. I have learned to believe and I am learning to trust. With everything going around with everyone, it is no longer easy for us to get a clear perspective of what we really want. Even when we are so sure of what we wish to have, what we choose to do with our lives, things may have changed due to the consequences of our own actions. We just need to learn how to live with everything thrown at us, be it good or bad.

My life's journey thus far got me many new friends. People have come and go in my life, some stopping for a quick acquaintance and some registered as life long friends. I know that I have my faults and I have offended many and it is now that I wish to extend my apologies to everyone that I have ever hurt in one way or another. I have not been the best of friend nor have I best of boyfriend nor have I been the best of anything just yet but I am trying. Everyone deserves a chance right. Someone special once sent a picture to me with a message which up until today, I keep it close in my heart. It reads "Think of all the things you'd miss if you didn't believe in trying again."

My life is at a crossroad on so many levels right now. There are so many choices that I will have to make. The right decisions will give me everything that I wish to have but the wrong move would cost me everything. That is what life is all about isn't it. Life is about decisions and not only that, it is about making the right ones. I have also come to realise that the right decision may not be the best decision for us but there are things that we must do, things which we must be able to let go for the better of everyone.

Final words from me in commemorating my blog's 100th post, thank you guys for being here and showing me your friendship, love and support all these while. I truly appreciate it. Each and everyone of you played a part in moulding me into who I am today. Be it the bitter me that you guys have seen, to the sorrowful me that you guys had to endure and finally this me. This me whom you guys knew long before my life was tainted with all things bad and certain good. This me who has lived through enough to see things through and make the best out of every situation. This me who is alive again. Thank you.

Reliving the 99th

This is the second time I am posting up my 99th post. There was a mistake as there was a post which I saved but did not publish. After deleting off that post, the previous post became the 98th thus making this the true 99th. My blog has a chance to relive its 99th post but not everyone gets another chance. Sometimes, things flash by your eyes and when you learn to learn from it and when you learn to regret, it is all way too late. Many of us dwell too much in the past and along the way, making matters worse. Many that I know, ok, maybe 3 couples that I know are in relationship turmoil. Maybe turmoil will be too harsh of a word but to a certain extent, they are having dissatisfaction. They wish that there was something that they could change. They wish that the other half would do something to improve themselves. They do not realise the worth of what they have. They have each other. They have that chance. Chances, I realised, do not come knocking at your doorstep and when it does, yank it in and lock it up.

When you are left in the plains alone and helpless, there's always options.

Many people would go for this option and I have to admit that I was one of them. They... or should I say we, choose to blame everything and everyone around us for that one thing that failed. We blame the situations, we blame the consequences and we blame the people who says the slightest things that makes you feel that they are not on your side. But who could blame us? We are in a state of helplessness. That was what I thought. I thought that I had every right to bitch and whine and sulk just because I became a loser. I began to distant myself from my friends. I began to become paranoid that everyone is against me, that everyone is out to get me. You then realise that people can only symphatize with you for so long before they feel that you are a burden. I have became a burden and my friends around me felt that I am becoming more and more hostile. True friends stayed close but their heart kept a distance. The instigator of your feeling feels that you are being controlling and feels that there is nothing that she needs to report to you. She can even choose to not answer your call or reply your messages if she sees fit. There was nothing I could do. I was at an all time low. I was constantly depressed. I lost sleep and I lost appetite. I was beginning to lose my friends. Once, when I was driving home, I put on the most depressing music that I could find, cried and screamed until my voice became course, took a deep breath, wiped the tears, called a friend and had a talk with her and then went to sleep.

The next morning when I woke up, I felt so much stronger. I realised that I was not being me. I realised that I have became somewhat annoying. I realised so many things. I realised that I have to live my life and I realised that there is too much for me to do. I am glad. I am glad that I got back on my feet. When I look at it again, my friends were always there, people were trying to wake me up from my state of hopelessness, everyone wanted the best for me. Even the instigator wanted me to lead a better life. This awakening has been great tool of transformation for me. I feel rejuvenated and I feel like I can take on the world again. I have regained all my confidence in myself and in life. The good thing is that I have been able to control my ballooning ego and not look down on others as well as looking too highly upon myself. This rude awakening is remoulding me into someone that I never was. I am happy with who I am becoming. I am glad.

To all my dear friends who stood by me, I am sorry for causing hurt to you guys. I wish to thank all of you for not giving up on me.