Sicker than peanut butter and shit sandwich...

The year 2008 has not been kind to me thus far. In terms of health at least. I could not drink nor party during New Year's eve due to sickness which includes bouts of diarrhoea, involuntary vomitting and all around muscle aches. Barely one month after that spell of sickness, it has returned. It feels very much like symptoms that you would expect from food poisoning and that could very well be the case. Those of you who knows me well enough knows that I would not give the doctor a visit unless my life feels like it is coming to a fucking end. It does actually feel like that now. I am so fucking weak and find it hard even to stand and walk to the pantry for a cup of tea. I hate this feeling. I hate feeling weak and controlled. This sickness limits my movement and what I can do... fucking hate it.

I am going to have a lunch appointment with the people from OK! Magazine later on and I guess that it will not be a good day for them since I am not feeling too well. Oh ya, just so you know, I have a knack for perfecting the art of price negotiation and have been getting great prices for advertisement pages for all magazines. That is not the story. The story is that I have been having stomach ache for the past two days and it feels like the next time I shit, my intestines will come flushing out.

I was talking on the phone with a friend last night as she called to find out how I was doing after getting to know that I was sicker than having a peanut butter and shit sandwich. Teresa called me and wasted many minutes of her life talking to me when there are more worthwhile things that she could do... such as saving the penguins trapped in Kuwait. The funny thing is that we roleplay (not in the sexual way) and getting into different characters. I would play the part of the King from some Chinese Dynasty which will of course be fucking prosperous and magnificent where the people love the King more than themselves as they have the best ruler in the whole universe and everything beyond this universe and everything beyond that. In short, I am the best. Vicky will be Ngoi Fei who is always insecure and paranoid that bad things will happen to her and lacks the confidence that she needs to be queen. Teresa will play the role of Leng Fei, the one who's always feisty and will fight back. The great thing about this is that everyone will really get into the character and start to speak in the ancient chinese language.

Charles: I don't feel good. I think you will have to come and help me check my pulse.
Teresa : You should cover yourself with blanket and sweat it out.
Charles: I covered my head but then a bit hard to breathe.
Teresa : Then I guess I will have to suffer a little to make you better.
Charles: Why?
Teresa : Cos I will have to sit beside you through the night.
Charles: Why?
Teresa : Cos I am Hot Stuff
Charles: ........ hahaha........


Enough of those. Things like this really makes my day a little brighter and realise that everyone is not just how they appear to be. Some people will make mistakes and ask the stupidest of questions which will leave you baffled for a little bit. But it's all in good humour.
Well, I am just going to end this post as abrupt as possible because I need to go to the toilet again. I have no idea what else there is to come out.

The ladies who adds colours to my life.
(Picture stolen from Teresa's blog)

Riding the Pink Horse

I have always, since a long time ago, wanted to experience what it was like being amidst thousands of people screaming at that one person or that one group who's performing on stage. I wanted to feel the energy. I wanted to feel the passion. I wanted to feel the maniacal wrath of crazy-and-probably-drug-infused-fans reaching out their hands towards the stage hoping to have endless orgasms after being able to touch the edge of the singer's pants. I have officially purchased my first concert ticket after 24 years and it made the RM398 seem so worthwhile. I have heard about this concert being fucking fantastic in Singapore and I do not expect anything less for the show in Malaysia.

Jay Chou is coming. Those who have had the privilege to listen to me sing and be tortured beyond comprehension will know that I am a great fan of Jay Chou. I was not brought up to have mandarin as my mother tongue nor do I speak it well but his songs are the ones which I will take the effort to learn. I still remember the first song that I took so much time to memorise from his album where the song is titled Hei Se You Mo which translates to Black Humour.
He is not one of those good looking artists who propels to stardom based on the support of those mother-fucking-crazy-bitch-ass-ah-lians who come in droves to have a glimpse of the oh-so-mother-fucking-good-looking-until-can-become-the-god-of-handsomeness singer who are very so often fair and tall and well built with very white teeth. He is known for his singing. Not all may agree as not all thinks highly of him. Thus far, he has appeared in three films, Initial D ( in which he looked stoned throughout), Curse of the Golden Flower ( in which he looks stoned throughout) and Secret which is a great show if you ask me although there are times that he excessively shows of his piano skills. He may not be great to many but he is definitely different. Rap, hip-hop, ballads and rubbish, he sings it all. To be very honest, I am for once, excited about the fact that I am gonna go to a concert. I even chose to give MUSE a miss even when I had the tickets in my hands.

It's gonna be on the 23rd of February and I am so fucking sure that it will be a blast. So, anyone else that I am going to see there? I know that Pilot Chui Pi Pi will be interested but as to whether he will be able to make it, I have no idea. Well then, the next post will be about something more interesting I promise but its just that I wish to share. I have his new album called "On the Run" courtesy of Miss Vicky. Thank you very much. I have no fucking idea how many of you who actually take the time to read my blog but for those of you who does, and who understands chinese, even the most basic of words, should get this album. It's bloody good... for me at least.

RIDING THE PINK HORSE

Ex-treme games...

When I was driving to work this morning, tuning in to Hitz.fm, they were talking about extreme games. The first thing that came to my mind was the crazy things that I have done before. Well, not that many to mention but I have bungee jumped and did white water rafting when I was still living in Australia. Life was good for the young, stupid and reckless me and now that I have grown up, I am just stupid and reckless, and maybe still young-er within my friends. Much to my dismay, they were not talking about anything in relation to the sports that will make many ladies squeel and men shit in their pants but their extreme game was about ex-partners. It caught my attention and I listened for a bit but it was all rather bland until they interviewed random people, asking them if it would be OK for them if their partners went out with their ex. The ladies were not so welcoming when it comes to that idea and the guys seem to be more open with it. How true is this? Are the ladies usually more concerned when it comes to their man having a date with theirs ex?

This would be my opinion and is strictly from my point of view which will not reflect what other men feel. I am just that needle in that fucking haystack. Anyone close to me would know about my history and I dare say, not proudly I might add, being very colourful. In my case, it would be very natural for girls to feel somewhat insecure should I be meeting up with anyone from the opposite sex unless given the fact that those girls looked more like guys and then, maybe then, they will feel that tiny sense of security lurking somewhere behind their mind. I have not been the best of person or the best of a boyfriend to be exact but I guess that on the upside, I am trying to make myself better and I am trying to change, make myself less of an asshole. When will that be thoroughly achieved I would not know for sure. It is still work in progress.

On my part, it takes a lot to make me jealous and it is a well proven fact. I have never had any problems with my girlfriend hanging out with their ex-es or even being out with a whole group of male friends. There are only certain rules that you will have to set I guess. Not to be over-protective or possessive in any way but maybe steps to ensure their safety. I will be afraid of their safety and that would be my primary concern. My rules are always very simple, a call before going out, a call when they reach their destination, a call when they are leaving and a call when they reach home. Of course that would also means that they would have to have access to their phone at all times. I do not believe in restricting someone's freedom as that is not what I wish upon myself. The freedom I give will reflect the amount of freedom that I wish to receive. Up until now, I have had not much problems except for that one time where some nasty shit happened and I had to gently remind someone that it was wrong to mess with someone's girlfriend. That happened years ago.

What would you do? How would you feel if your partner goes out with their ex? What would you do if they get messages late at night from their ex? Hmmm.... writing this post makes me feel that up to a certain extent, I am such a good boyfriend for having so much trust.

How do we path our way?

Have you ever thought about where you would be when you are thirty? How much you would have achieved when you are 35 and how your life would be when you blow the 40th candle on your birthday cake? I would not know how my life would be but I do think about it. I dream about how I wish my life to be when I am there. I dream of what I wish out of my life and the timeline that I set for myself to achieve it. Many people would not view me as someone serious and that I take life one day at a time. Maybe they are right. I do enjoy partying too much to be taken as someone relatively serious. The drinking escapades that I have and the amount of times that I have to be dragged home are not convincing gestures that I have my life planned out. Well, I have had my fair share of criticism but one thing's for sure, I know how I want my life to turn out and I am willing to charge towards that.

I know that everyone once imagined how they wish for their life to be when they are older and already with their family but not many people keep that thought in mind long enough to take the first step to materialise it. I had a very insightful discussion with a friend last night about this topic over my milo ice and his ais kosong. I told him that someone's biggest regret is that when a person does not do something to the best of his ability and not gain what he is supposed to, not get the chance deserved, not improving and not growing. I do understand that sometimes, we are dealt with bad cards and the cards can suck so bad that it makes you feel that you are falling down what seems to be a bottomless pit and it is then you get lost. You lose focus and you lose what it takes to fight on. Many times I have felt that way. May it be betrayal or may it be love, I have fallen so many times and every single time made me hate the world but it is through that that we grow. Through that we learn to stand again and make sure that we do not get hurt by the same circumstance. Some say that I am violent and cruel and that I am not as calm, collected and composed as I was before. Maybe that was the past. That I chose to protect myself by being a bigger asshole than those instigator but again we learn. I have hurt too many in the process and I am now who I am today. I still play hard and I stay out till the wee hours of the mornings but I have my priorities right. I know what I want and I will fight for it. I no longer lash out at the world or drown my pain by ignoring their existence. I no longer sweep my problems under the carpet. Recognitions that I get do not just come to me. I get it by working for it.
It's not easy and I do admit that luck plays a part but that is life. You get dealt bad hands and have shits thrown at you, maybe one after the other, maybe continuously even. But when you persevere, you will get what you deserve. I am not here to preach or think that I am all wise and smart enough to pass down wisdom to anyone. It just pains me to not see that strong person that I used to see anymore. I know that you may be lost a little right now but I hope you will fight through it. If you do, I know you will once more be who you truly can be.

Dear friend, I hope that you get to read this and I wish you the best of luck and you know that I am always here.