Happy Birthday Malaysia

50 years has passed since our first Prime Minister lifted his hand and shouted Merdeka. It was then said that we will no longer be segregated according to race, religion or skin colour and that we shall all, from then on, live as the sons and daughters of Malaysia. One nation, one race.

Malaysia has grown so much since the days of padi fields and rubber plantations, trishaws and run down buildings. I am proud that Malaysia has achieved what it has achieved today and to see our skyscrapers, our magnificent airport, it makes me feel like I am blessed to be in this country. Sadly, beauty is only skin deep. In the better sense of words, the buildings and infrastructures that glorifies our country are just the mere carpet that is covering all the rubbish underneath. We have so many social ills that plagues our country and the people. We have a government that makes people afraid of them. We live in a country where freedom of speech is not condoned by people "up there". Do not misunderstand me, we can say things about our leaders and our country and we can talk about the ministries and people in the cabinet. We can hurl comments towards the people from the federal government and raise our opinions about them. Why is it then, you ask me, that you say that we have no freedom of speech? I am referring to a wider scope which includes freedom of press, publications and so on and so forth. All things can be said as long as they are not detrimental to the government or the image that they are trying to portray. They accept the showers of praises and apple polishing but they will not accept criticism. I will not talk more in regards to this as it may land me in hot water and all. I just hope that what was originally planned might materialise in the near future. That about equality, that about unity, that notion about one race, one nation. We do not need anymore of those people who wave their 'keris' about to be placed above us. The government was chose to govern, to lead, not to fucking command us and fucking instill fear in us. How can the government threaten its people? Happy 50th Merdeka.... really?

I may be displeased with the current administration but there is always a silver lining. All in all, there is this one guy that I wish to thank that made us better than what the current administration could ever have made us become.

Thank you and Happy Merdeka.

A message to 3 of my closest.......

Why do it deliberately, when you know that it will kill me?

Is it because you know you can?

Or is it just because I can do nothing about it?

Something funny about someone...

Initially, I thought of posting up my birthday event that was, as usual, jointly held with Mr. Darrell Chui a.k.a Mr Pilot a.k.a Chui Pi Pi a.k.a Chui Be Loon but the pictures for the grand event is not in yet so what can I do? I guess that it will just have to wait little longer even though, yes, it happened a week ago.

A series of events that happened lately got me labeled as a bad fruit and of course, befitting as it may be, it all depends on who placed the accusations on me. It has come to a point where I no longer lose my head over matters like these but instead, find myself being able to laugh at the hilarity and the stupidity that some people are capable of exhibiting. It may be true that I am not a perfect person, and damn, I am even lucky to be anywhere astray of imperfections but I do have my hint and pinch of goodness... oh well. One thing's for sure, I do have my friends. I will not base this blog post on someone specific ( the person who chose to hide behind the anonymity of "someone") but instead, address this issue in general.

I always view these kind of people as the jealous type who have tasted the sour grapes, attacking those like me in order to feel better about their pathetic life and feeling of being non-existent. Why do that and appear like a total loser? I have come to a conclusion that it is this kind of people that wanted themselves to be seen or be in the limelight or even be wanted but they failed, they failed to get recognition and they failed to get the girl that they want, rendering them bitter and afraid. They may speak as if they have loads of experience in regards to this matter and they may claim that they speak from experience but if you are so great, why not show it in actions? If there is a point to prove, why not prove your point instead of your contant blaberring that carries no significance? If there is a lesson behind these lectures, why not come to me and let me know what it is? I really wish to know and all these being said, it is not even a challenge or a reason for me to rip your face off, I just want to know and be a better person. Or maybe I just want to rip your face off. Does not matter now.

Funny isn't it how people self promote themselves to the height of supreme beings where they feel that they know everything and have a crystal clear view of all your flaws when they themselves does not know the boundaries of their words. I wish to introduce more friends to those lost souls who has too much time in their hands whereby they will wither into the lives of others and try to be a parasite and suck some attention off them. These kind of people view themselves as being the all-knowing-seen-it-all but as the Transformer theme goes, there's more than meets the eye. Many people here think that they know me and I do not deny that some people do and those are the people who really know me, trust me, there are only a handful.

Just to rub it in, you will never get what I am able to get or achieve what I am able to achieve because I dare say what I want to say and not hide under the covers like a coward. And just to rub it in even deeper, I was just wondering which sour grape you have tasted. Let me know and I will introduce you to that person. Just so you know, none of the people that I love will love a coward who does not even dare to show his face when being aggravated. Oh well, yet again.

I have done great injustice to my girlfriend that I have never ever featured her in my blog and so I guess that I owe it to her. Every others before this was introduced in my blog and I realised that she was not. Sorry that it took so long Miss Vicky Chow.

High Infidelity

To what extent is infidelity accepted or should the question resonates to the sound of how much could be done before a person is viewed as being void of fidelity? I do not know how to view this matter from the ladies' point of view as I do not dare judge when I cannot put myself in their shoes and comprehend their motives or reasons for being disloyal but for a guy's point of view, I guess I can contribute my two cents. That being said, it does not mean that I have been (always) unfaithful but as the question goes;

'What are the criteria or actions taken which will then constitute to transgression in a relationship? What is viewed as exceeding the limits and crossing the boundaries when it comes to relationships?'

This post is actually 'inspired' by the happenings around me lately whereby I am put in a situation where the plaintiff is a great person who is suffering in silence, crying herself silly almost every now and then. The defendant just happened to be my friend, my brother. When I come to think about it, defendant and I are so much alike, just that the way we handle the situation differ from each other. I am usually seen as the bad guy because to start a new relationship, I take drastic moves, I break people's heart, I break promises and as a result, I break them. This has happened once too many times and thus, hoping to make up for all that I have done, hoping that there is still a place for me in heaven, I repent. At least I hope I did. My defendant friend's way of handling it is totally ignoring the fact that anything happened. He will be seen as being misunderstood, not knowing what to do and confused. I have been in and out of relationships for so many times that I am blinded. Blind to see those that really cares and blind to see that some want me for certain reasons. Some people chose me for reasons that I could never comprehend. I am devoid of good looks and great body, money aplenty I have not. What is it that girls see in me I do not know. I am not complaining. I just don't understand. My friend is different, he has the charms to the looks to the layers of dough in his GUCCI wallet. But I guess that's the way life is, it's fair to a certain extent and unfair to a certain extent which all in all makes it fair again, if that even makes sense.

Digressed a little bit there, my apologies. What constitutes to someone being disloyal, unfaithful, guilty of infidelity? How far does one person have to go before being branded on their forehead with the word 'PLAYER', having to carry that word, that adjective, that misconception for life? When I say misconception, I meant it for myself. It does not mean that there are no jerks around and every case of being unfaithful can be justified. I have been sort of a philanderer before and the outcome was really bad.

It really depends on how much the girl could take. I am close to many girl friends. Nothing scandalous, just close. Vicky is someone who is very understanding in this issue and thus I have the freedom to mix with pretty much anyone that I want to mix with. In a very nonsensical way, I now have a big wife ( who happens to be a guy), a small wife ( who is now in Hong Kong), a senior concubine (Vicky), a lover, and a girlfriend. It is all good because everyone there is my close friend. The hardest thing about being in love is staying in love once you are with that special someone. It is not easy and many times I have failed, only to realise that it filled me with regrets and then comes the part where I try to make up. It will be a vicious circle until that one fine day, you no longer are able to patch the hole that you made, you no longer have the means to make up for your wrong doings and then you fall. When you fall, standing up will be the hardest thing that you have had to do.

I fall out of love for the most trivial things. That is because I did not have the patience to tolerate and I take all things too personally. All that leads to arguments and arguments lead to cracks in the relationship. I give up too easily. I give up way too easily. That is something that I have vowed to overcome. I cannot differentiate the difference of falling out of love and plain old being angry. When for that moment I did not feel like I care for that person, I feel that I no longer have love for them. Time and time again I was proven wrong which prompted me to finally learn. When things like that happen, that is where infidelity comes in. I am not trying to create an excuse for myself but it's true. I fall in love with another because I thought that I have fallen out of love with the previous. People outside the circle will look at me as if I am someone who plays people out and I have no right to question their view because that is the image that I have projected to them. Not everyone knows and not everyone understands. At least I changed. At least I am trying. I guess I have not provided an answer for the question of this post.

What are the qualities and actions taken which will constitute to someone being guilty of infidelity?

I will never know. Who will?

I HAVE A PROBLEM...

... with alcohol that is. I am not considered to be an alcoholic or anything near it but I drink far more than I thought that I would. 12 more days to my birthday, it will be a smart idea to abstain myself from those golden liquid sins in order to have a functioning liver or any of my internal organs post 24th birthday. My birthday always consists of celebrations with at least 2 different group of friends and on at least one occassion, I will be forced to drown myself in liquor until I act like a cross breed of a drunken monkey and a energiser bunny on heat. I tend to get more 'stimulated' when I have had a couple of drinks and the reason for this strange phenomenon is still under series of tests which until now has shown no results.

Last Thursday, I was at Laundry having a talk with a friend about an event cum party that he is going to organise and feeling like having wine, I ordered a bottle and before I knew it, the whole bottle was gone. A bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, 1 and a half hours max, alone, gone. And by saying gone, I meant the wine and not myself although I was pretty close to being just that. Driving home proved to be a little more challenging than usual not because I was drunk or anything but because your eyes tend to fail you once you poison your body with these 'way-past-expiry-date-grape-juice'. I reached home safely but felt like shit the next morning.

On Friday morning, I swore to myself that I will not drink for at least the whole weekend. Time at work passed slowly and it was hell. The feeling of uneasiness in my stomach and chest only made matters worse. I looked forward to the movie at night and that thought kept me going through the day and nightfall, movie time and after movie, KARAOKE. I am not one of those bloody maniacs who is crazy about singing and all that but it was my friends who pestered me to go so I reluctantly agreed. Upon reaching, Wern Shen was already half drunk. He was at Finnegans earlier on enjoying free beers while I watched paid movie. BASTARD. Anyways, I have no idea what maniac sex deprived ghost possessed him, he suggested that we open two bottles as it was cheap. So we did. The last thing that I remembered was singing a stupid song but apparently, there were many more songs that I sang after that and to go with it, of course, many more glasses of whiskey that I downed, which of course, I do not remember. They said that I even talked to Sexy Sexy Lyn, but I have no recollection whatsoever.

Tell me that I do not have a problem with alcohol. Please do.

p/s: A phone call to Wern Shen the next morning fed me the fact that he was having beer. Just a passing by information. Oh well.

Birthday is coming... I am training my immunity towards alcohol and also the Langkawi trip in October where drinks will be aplenty. I just hope that I am alive with a functioning liver and eyes that can still see by that time. Adios.