TLC - Tiny Little Country

I was in Singapore since friday and got back home Monday night. Exhausted is an understatement to describe how I felt after all the driving that I had to endure plus the rain which only made matters worse. It was a good trip all in all. We stayed at a friend's place at Holland Park and a special thanks goes to Charlene for being such a wonderful and accomodating host. Vicky stayed with Charlene in her room and that leaves Wern Shen, Melvin and me to bunk in another. The trip was fun not because Singapore had that much to offer but because all of us are diagnosed with brain damage since the age of 8 and thus making everyone on the trip suffer from mild retardation except for me. I suffer from acute retardation.

The drive down south started around 7.30 pm on a Friday evening and all was smooth flowing. We reached earlier than expected. Charlene was supposed to meet us somewhere as we do not know the way to her place but dumb luck was on our side when all roadsigns led us to her place thus making her effort of getting a cab to meet us at the designated waiting place all in vain. There are not many places in SIngapore that we have not visited before and so we went there to shop and to club and to eat. Ahh yes, it may come as a surprise but going to Singapore to eat? Yes my dear brothers and sisters, boys and girls, friends and anonymouses, there are delightful delicacies that Singapore has to offer.

Crystal Jade was our first stop to fill our stomach after we unloaded our baggages in Charlene's place. We did not order much as we were all too tired and thus depleting our appetite but the little that we had tasted great. One thing that I dislike about Singapore now is that they have very limited smoking places. Yes, you can still smoke in public places but you are not able to smoke at the walkway of restaurants and you can't even light up in pubs or clubs. That aside, one of the more memorable meals was at Carl's Jr in Vivo City. The burgers were almost equivalent to two McChickens put together.... if not more. The first tome I tried it, I could only manage to scoff down half and I was half dead. Not that I was a fag or something but I have a freaking good explanation as to why I could not even finish a burger. Before the meal, we bought loads of food.... ok, I bought loads of food, mainly breads and snacks and marshmallows. We wanted to finish it all off before leaving for dinner. Melvin and Charlene left for Jacky Cheung's concert and so Wern Shen, Gwen, Vicky and I left for Vivo City. During our short game, we played cards where by we will all have two cards each and the person with the lowest number will have to eat a quarter piece of bread... that is until Melvin decided to up the ante and then all hell broke loose. There was a point in time when I had 6 marshmallows in my mouth and the 8 marshmallows right after that. I hate marshmallows. I hate strawberry marhsmallows. I hate stuffing 8 of that shit into my mouth and chewing it all into a pile of mashed up sticky goo and then having to swallow it and have the taste haunt for for the next 8 years. Stepping into Carl's Jr. , we immediately searched for a place to sit and then ordered. I forgot what mine was but it was huge. OK, it was not that huge kinda huge but I could only stuff half of it into my stomach which was already filled with marshmallows and bread. After the first two bites, I thought that it would be a piece of cake and so I was wrong. I was dead wrong. The next day I went and try again. I wanted to conquer that fucking burger. Even if I die choking on it, I had to die knowing that I was not a fag and that I could eat a whole damn fucking burger. The second day, I managed to finish it. (............................................................). I felt like a fucking hero. The blank spot there is something that I am leaving out because it is of no importance. Anyway, I finished it. I am proud.

We then went through Geylang just to have a see look. Saw a hot one and loads of rubbish. Saw a tran dancing by the road side and she-he is lucky that I did not carry a double barrell shotgun in my car because if I did... bottomline is, she-he is alive to torment the minds of more passer-by. After that, we went to Clarke Quay and it was beautiful. I will post up pictures once I have them. Wait for it. We even recorded a ring tone when we were at home. It is good I can promise you that.

Many new things happened to us and one of them was the name given to each of us. First off, we will talk about Wern Shen.
He does not have an english name and so we decided to name him after the names that we saw on roadsigns. Some of them were Keppell, Alexandra, Jurong, Normanton and a few others. We have voted for the name Normanton and thus from today on, he will be known as Normanton.
Melvin, being an ART DIRECTOR now require a more sophisticated name, something in line with the prestige carried by the name Normanton. We came across a roadsign and we decided to call him Jervois, pronounces (jer. vo. a).
Vicky is called Phoenix. She was named after a building or a name on a billboard or something, I can't really remember.
I had two options, both suggested by the four-eyed boy. FYI the 3 guys in the car are all four eyed. Melvin suggested Dragon just to try his luck to get fucked by me. Then he suggested Prince and I guess I am sticking with that and I know that Normanton will oppose with all his might.

Oh well, that's that. Wait for the pictures.... coming to you soon.

FRIENDS - GUCCI - ANYA HINDMARCH + I Am Not A Plastic Bag

The purpose of a joke, be it based on a particular situation or maybe even poking fun on an individual, is to make everyone laugh, but should it be at the expense of someone else's feelings? Others may not understand the pain and anguish that some people are going through and thus will have no idea what kind of implications their words will have on others. I have mentioned in one of my posts before, words are indeed very powerful. One word of encouragement can give someone the strength to battle through their worst of days and one word of discouragement can make the very same person lose all hope. When you are faced with the worst dilemma that you have ever faced, you would hope that your friends will be standing beside you with their arms outstretched but maybe, just maybe, sometimes they forgot that you are very much the same as them, made from skin and bones and have the same ability called feelings. I understand that sometimes people accidentally go overboard when they joke, especially when you put more than one mighty joker who disregards feelings together. They forget that what they say will hurt and they forget that what they say did not take into considerations what their friends will feel. I know. I was like that but to a certain extent. I know when to stop. I know what not to say. I know that I will not poke my finger into the wound that was gashed so deep that it does not heal and make it worse. I will not want to see my friend who was always happy and laughing just sitting by himself, even if he was on the same table, looking at his knee as if hoping for a miracle of some sort to happen.

I do not speak the best words of encouragement nor do I have the ability to comfort people and succeed but what I do know is that I will not make matters worse. Not intentionally at least. Life is like a roller coaster as they say... soo ner or later, this ride will once more go uphill but until then, I guess I will just have to brace myself and hope that no more shits get thrown my way. It not always rainbows and butterflies, pots of gold and cherry pies but who knows what the future holds. I have always been an optimist. Only this time, I faltered. Standing up never seemed so hard but hey, I am, afterall, Charles.

Made a few purchases lately and maybe a few more soon. Hoping to change my mobile as my phone is, besides being extremely obsolete and shite, it switches off by itself from time to time, ask me to 'insert sim card' when the fucking sim card is already in there and the camera is not working. For a cam-fucking-whore, a camera phone with a dysfunctional camera is like having life support system without electricity.

Got a new wallet from GUCCI. Waiting for the right time to use it.


Bought the 'I Am Not A Plastic Bag' Bag from Anya Hindmarch. As you should know, it was chaos. It was fucking crazy. I have told the stories a thousand times and I will tell it a million more. Woke up at 4.30 am and after breakkie, started queueing up at 6.30 am. The line was already rather long when we reached with approximately 100 people in front of us and those people came to queue up by 6 am. As time passes, more and more people joined the queue and by 10am, the queue was estimated to have more than 800 people, queueing up from south court of the mall right until the north end and up to the next level from the north end to the centre court. It was that crazy. Celebrities came and went and those VIPs got to have their Anya Hindmarch first but it was ok. When we were getting nearer to the entrance of the shop, the security guard came around us and started counting. I knew something was wrong. I knew that they had less than their supposed 500 bags. About after 60 to 70 more people behind me, the guards just cut the queue, put up a sign which said 'Sold Out'. There was an outroar and outroar is definitely an understatement. It was already 11.30 and those, including my friends, who came at 7 am, could not get their hands on one and the management, being fully aware of their inventories I am sure, did not tell those people who were queueing up and just decided to let them wait for at least 4 and a half hours like idiots. I should have known, photographers were taking pictures of the crowd when they were in line and that was what Anya wanted. They wanted the press to show how many people turned up for their bags, at the expense of the customer's time and energy. The crowd began to get rowdy and they were shouting and cursing and pushing the barricades and for us who were there in line, we felt afraid. When it was finally out turn to get into the store, some people from the crowd managed to push their way in and that was the first time I trembled while shopping. The guard were rude. Guards from a company called PRISM. They rammed the barricades towards the crowd and shouted at them. It was Anya's fault to begine with and everyone else was a victim and yet the guards treat them with disespect? Who the fuck do they even think they are acting so high and mighty? They are just security guards for fucks sake. Sales people from Anya were giving out hardcover notepads to the people just to make them feel better but this is obviously to no avail. What the hell is a notebook as compared to being crammed with so many people for the past 5 hours? The guards were giving out the book and got irritated and just flung it towards the crowd. Those were hardcover books. They have hard, sharp edges and could injure someone. I was seriously displeased with PRISM and the guards' conduct only drove the crowd angrier. Those in line, who was curious and just looking got shouted at by the guards. We got in and bought the bags, got out, hung on tight to it, walked to DOME, sat down and finally got to breathe. I asked for big plastic bags just so we can keep the bags in it and not let it show.

So what do we get from a great mall like KLCC? Irresponsible tenants who do not take into account the time and effort of customers and guards who are better off washing the toilet or who should just all lie down and have a steam-roller run over them.... over and over again. Well, this is after all the mentality of a third world nation. What can we all do?

Let's Hug It Out, Bitch

I have finally shut her up. I have finally ended it. Her constant appearance in my life has granted me sleepless nights and making me feel agitated throughout but it all ended yesterday night. Only one slap. That one slap laced my palm with blood and it became quiet. She was motionless and somehow, I felt no guilt. I slept with ease. I slept knowing that my sleep will be peaceful for the rest of the night. I have killed. When will they learn that it unwise to cross me? After countless attempts to be a good guy, I was forced to do the unthinkable. I know that she is not alone and I will kill as many as it takes to make sure that I will no longer be disturbed. I have had enough. I am keeping a can of Shelltox in my room.

So now moving on with the next story. During my last post, I have said that I will talk more about the event and so I will. The event is organised by NEWMAN magazine to commemorate their 4th year anniversary or their 50th issue. The Undershop is one of the sponsor for their goodie bags and also their lucky draw. It all started in the midst of a saturday afternoon with temperature reaching above 30 degrees. It was hot. It was mind blowingly hot. It was almost a 12 hour party as it ended almost at midnight. I was there in the afternoon and I was there again by 8pm after heading to Darrell's place for a movie of The Hostel II and of course, coffee and air-conditioning as he is regarded as one of the most hospitable guy I have ever known... if you are in his house that is. Outside of his crib, he is just a regular asshole. My apologies, I meant no malice but it's true. We headed to the VIP area and got ourselves good seats thanks to Wern Shen who pulled some strings and smuggled us in before they even open their barricades to the public who is holding their VIP passes. It also helps that he is the emcee for the night and also a senior writer for the mag.


He was the emcee alongside Naomi, who is a DJ at RedFM. Wern Shen did a great job that night, managing to work up the crowd thus making my time on stage easier as the level of interaction between the attendees and the host was high. My slot was right after Camel Active's fashion show and a fashion show is only a fashion show. I opted for something more interactive. I opted for something different. I chose to be a FUCKING GENIUS. I had Q&A. I had crowd participation. I threw 150 pieces of underwear rolled up into a ball and shrink wrapped to the crowd. The reception? IT WAS FUCKING GREAT. I gave out 10 pieces of muscle tees from Skinxwear before throwing mortars of underwears at the crowd. I finally understood why Werny was enjoying himself so much. The feeling of being in the limelight for that brief moment was so great that I wanted it to last. I loved the attention. I loved the way everyone was shouting for me to throw things their way. They wanted my attention. They wanted me to notice their existence. I love that feeling.


All in all, the event was a great success. Not only was the crowd great, the venue was superb and the people who managed the whole event was awesome. Once again, I would like to thank everyone who came, be it before or after my stage time because by you being there, I know that I am in your heart somewhere. Thank you. Those who did not make it, I know that we are all busy but keep your calendar free for my next event.

Special thanks goes out to Wern Shen for his great help. His mentioning of The Undershop on radio is very very much appreciated and somehow made the throwing of the underwear the talk of the DJs for the session thus giving me so much mileage. Thanks to Melvin Chan, Art Director of NEWMAN for being always willing to help me out, be it print ads or be it everything else. Thank you for still helping me out after your barrage of whining and possible cursing behind my back and in my face. Last but not least Michelle, the person who services my account. She is exactly how every person who does account servicing should be. Courteous, helpful, always smiling and willing to take all the bullshits that I give her. Thank you guys.

Ok, now that I have got the 'tengkiu-ing' part out of the way, I have more important things to talk about. It's about life. Life seen through the eyes of mine. I say, let's forget the bad times and lets all embrace a new motto.



Until the next time, take care everyone.