I wish there's more I could do...

Dearest Buddy,

No matter how much I boast about how wide and far stretched my vocabulary can be, I am stuck trying to find the words to console you. I will not tell you that everything's alright and that I understand how you feel because I do not for an ounce am able to comprehend a fraction of the pain that you are feeling right now. I just want you to know that I am always here no matter how much of a prick I have been to you in the past.

We have known each other for at least 9 years and have been close through the times. We have had rough times but everytime it happens, it made me feel that I know who my real friend is, at least it made me want to know you better, better than I already have. Forgive me for not having enough trust in you and forgive me for being a jerk off for being pissed off over the most minor of things that happened. I am sorry for all the pain and anguish that you had to endure from this lousy shit you called your brother. The news hit me really abruptly and it crushed my heart. After all the things that have been drawn on the walls of our past, I finally feel that we are able to share so much good times and laughter together but I did not expect it to follow through like this. You have been a victim to circumstances and do not for once blame yourself because you have been great in whichever role you play. Be it as a son and definitely as a friend. You have been the one friend that I have cried over for the fear of losing you as my buddy and the things that I am able to accept just because we have always shared a sincere friendship between us. Forgive me if I had lied to you. I do not remember an instance when I have been untruthful to you but even if I did lie, it would be in the course of how your hair looked and how I think that you can sing better than me.

You have really been a great brother and someone that I place so close in my heart. Remember the times when we stay up drinking talking about the crazy shits that we have had to go through with girls? Remember our stint playing games until wee hours in the morning? Remember me being conned into fetching you to my place to do something for you? My parents loves you as my friend and they have always cared for you. Everytime they greet you with such open hearts and warmth, I knew how close you were to me because parents always knows best. You have always been there to hear me whine, always been there to support me and always been there to slap me at the back of my head, telling me to be a man. I am sorry if I have ever disappointed you. You have always been a role model to me in some ways and I have always look up to you. How you are always calm under shitty circumstances and how you will always make time for friends. How you planned your life and climb the ladder of success given less opportunity and birth benefits than I have had. You were never pretentious to me for my benefits and not the kind who says the words that I wish to hear but the words that will lift me up and lead me to do what is right. I am sorry if I failed you in that. I am not as strong as you are. You have always been able to click with everyone that I have introduced to you and I never doubted your ability to make an event more lively that it could be.

To this point, I feel a sense of loneliness knowing that inevitable things may happen to you, forcing you away from your comfort zone. Please, my dear friend, in your resume, insert the words " fucking fantastic friend" as one of your strength because my dear brother, that is who you really are, to me at least. I will miss you. I will definitely miss you. Your departure means one person less that I could trust and I have build part of my life around your companionship. I have not many people that I can trust.

Promise that you will take care and when you return, we will fucking turn the world upside down once again. I wish you the best in whatever that will come. Keep the attitude that you have towards life right now and you will reach whichever absurd destination you wish to reach in life.

Take care my dearest buddy.

-Charles-