Unsent Letter

It has been almost a week since I last posted. The previous week of my existence provided me with many revelations, mostly about my views and attributes towards life as a whole. I have always posted about how unhappy I am with my life and everything that revolves around it and I finally, I hope, understand why. First and foremost, I realize that I am no longer the Charles that I was a few years back. As I have stated in my previous post, I was blessed, or maybe cursed with the attributes that I have now. The worst thing that I realize that a person can feel in life is hatred towards himself. That is ultimately the point of no return. How can one succeed in life or in anything in that matter, if he does not love himself anymore, how can he even wish for people to love him in return if he himself does not. We are all strapped in, strapped in life’s never ending amusement ride. We move fast then slow, then up then down but one thing’s for sure, we never go backwards. That was what some one told me. “I won’t turn back.” I just wish to take this space in my blog to say a few things to the person who said those few words to me. That person actually said much more than that but it all boils down to those four words: “I won’t turn back.”

Dearest you,

I am sorry. I finally understand what I have put you through during those times. I have foregone your trust in me and worst of all, I chose to forego what was most important to me, you. I wake up wanting to call you, hoping that you would be awake to answer my call. I go to bed thinking of you, hoping that somewhere in your heart, you would be thinking of me too. Times have been hard on me but I doubt that it is even near the pain that I have put you through. I pass my day slaving at my work, making as many appointments as I can, going out and meeting people. It vacant my mind for a little while. Everytime I hear your voice, I see you in front of me. Listening to you hastily putting down the phone on me, I feel a deep void within myself. A feeling that I never thought that I would ever feel. A feeling called emptiness. I know that things would never be the same ever again and it would be a far cry from being how I want it to be. I just wish to thank you for being there at my highest and not leaving me when I am at my lowest. I wish I could do the same. I wish that I could do much more. I wish that I still have the chance to. May the best of everything always surrounds you and if at anytime, you need someone to hear you, to be with you, to help, comfort and support you, if you could not find anyone else to fend off your troubles, I will be here and this time, I promise that I will not disappoint you. There are many things that I wish for you to know, but I know that there are things that you no longer wish to hear. Take care, dearest you.

Sincerely,
-Charles-