Red eye

There was nothing that I could see besides the red light from my Samsung charger and the sound of silence was too much for me to bear since I lay on my bed wide awake. I should be tired. My shoulders hurt. My eyes are dry. I need to sleep, I have to wake up early for work. There are just too many things running through my mind, forcing my eyes open, pushing my brain to work over time. What has come over me? Actually, I know all the answers to my questions but since they are not favorable, I choose to seek new ones. Sadly, there are none. Not just yet. I no longer hold the power to do the things that I wish to as I see fit. Not everything that is. Not for the thing that I view as very important to me at least. I just heard a beep. It was my handphone, indicating that the battery is full. I never noticed that before. Maybe there are just too many things that I did not notice and still am not noticing. There are a few people who could see through me like a window. No matter how hard I try to disguise the unhappiness in my voice, in my appearance, they would know. To them, I am transparent. To some, I am fake. To most, I am just a fucking sadist. I thought that I have always known what I have always been doing. Ego. It’s good only if used in moderation. For me, it was blown all out of proportion.
I feel so cooped up. It’s hard to breathe and my heart does hurt literally. Maybe it’s the cigarettes, who knows. What a fucking wimp, I know. There are times when I just wish that I have an ON/OFF button on me. Well, too late for all my bitching and whining now. Life goes on as they say. I’ve gotta move forward. I just wish that she will be there to accompany me on that journey.