Defeat

It seems that judgment day has set its foot on me. Strong as I thought I was, it could not have been further from the truth. The sudden change brought me to a place, a state of mind where everything turned dark, as if someone blew out the candle in a large empty warehouse. There is nothing that you can see, nothing you can hear but your own heartbeat. Even your heartbeat seems to have slowed down to a rate where you feel that you are no longer alive. Everything just turns so silent, dark, still; nothing surrounds you, just emptiness. Void. I realize that at this point of time, the struggle is over. There is just no reason for me to continue fighting, it is a losing battle. No, it is not. It is a battle that I have lost. I feel weak. Maybe I am disoriented. Maybe it is the diet. I don’t really know.

It is as if I could hear someone celebrate the victory of his conquest right outside my door. Fireworks here and there. Cheers. Songs and dance. But I am not apart of it. I do not know how I truly feel now. Combination of fatigue, constant hunger and these pain, it is getting me disillusioned. I need to regain composure, revive my confidence and rediscover myself. I wish myself good luck.