A Blog With A Title

The life of a regular guy, going through irregular changes, looking for simple pleasures in life. Funny how seldom you can put simple and pleasure together. Everyone needs to believe in a GOD and I believe I can fill your believe. To you, I shall be GOD.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Fair? Unfair?

As the sequence goes and the statistics shows, I am not much of a happy person for past few days. Maybe for the past few weeks. Maybe for the past couple of months. It really brings me down to realize that I could always start my post by stating ‘Today sucked!’. Life, for me, has changed dramatically and my perception towards people in general has taken a downslide. I am slowly evolving to be a sadist. I once even blamed myself in the most ridiculous way for allowing all these shit to happen to me. I wondered, “Is this all happening because I ignored all those chain mails that threatened to curse me if I fail to forward them to others?” I am on the verge of losing my mind. Not that serious but my heart needs replacing. To many jabs and wounds in it.
Sometimes some people would say things to make you think that what they did was right. Not wrong at least. Not one person but a few. I started to question myself as to if I was really wrong. Was I being too selfish? Was I being unfair to some? After some consideration, FUCK NO. Why is it that I was the one selfish? That I was the one being unfair? Somethings we can’t control, no doubt about that but there are consequences in everything that we do. True? Doing something that you know would hurt someone dear to you but you still chose to, choosing to ignore his/her feelings in the process. I call that selfish. I call that unfair. Fair? I am never good at arguing because I was not blessed with the ability to bombard people with speed and precision. Not being able to speak my mind does not mean that I have nothing to defend myself with. I just do not want to make the mess messier. The shit shit-tier. I once heard a wise man said, “Life is like a box of chocolates, because you will never know what you find inside,” or something along that line. I did not expect to find shit, that’s for sure.
Something really unexpected happened yesterday night. I had a dream and I woke up, I had tears in my eyes. I tried to recall what I dreamt of and it was so vivid that until now, it’s crystal clear. Maybe I think too much of it and it has found a way into my dreams. It’s not letting me go. Or is it me that is holding on to tightly? It haunts me. It’s chasing me like a mad dog with me running with a big piece of bacon dangling from my back pocket. Daunting. Like what my friend said, “I wish I could press the giant UNDO button in the sky.” It hurts just to think of that.
On a happier note, I bought a new car. That’s about as happy as this post can get. Down side to this, I may not get the color that I requested for before the price hike and that would mean that I would have to go for the second choice. Hah! What a fucking cruel world.

1 Comments:

Blogger faridz7 said...

hmm, sounds like someone may be having a bout of depression. may i recommend a visit to the doctors before it gets worst? The earlier you realize it the better..see what the meds have done for me, 85% cured ive to say thank you very much. really!

1:53 AM  

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