A Blog With A Title

It's cloudy

2009-11-04T15:23:00.002+08:00

I don't even know if anyone even bothers coming back to check anymore. It's been long but it just seems old that I keep repeating the same thing everytime I write my posts, that I have not updated for a very long time. Whatever the reason, I miss doing this. It's as if I am talking to many friends all at the very same time. I used to preach about so many things but now when I try to share, I cannot find anything to say... probably just because I know that I am talking to no one.

If you are there, I am just here to say 'Hello' and hope that all is fine with you.

To fuck (up) or not to fuck (up)

2009-05-29T12:07:00.000+08:00

One of these days, we know that we will look back on life and wonder if we made the best out of it. More often than not, we have our bites of regrets here and there, clouded with all those "what if" questions. Waste of time; yes. One should move forward; yes. What's done cannot be undone; yes. That is the whole point, time cannot be turned back and you have to live with every consequences of your every action and decision. On a very personal level, I fucked up countless of times but end of the day, with all the bruises and scars, I learn how not to fall again. 2 parts questions:

1) How do I know I fucked up?
2) How do I know I am not fucking up again?

Fairly simple actually, I know I fucked up because someone or something gets hurt or damaged. Also I have friends who are less than shy to tell me, "Charles, you fucked up.... big time." I love blunt honesty, not that I am a sucker for pain, I just love blunt honesty. The "How do I know I am not fucking up again?" question brings a more constructed answer as everything is progressive, from how I was to how I am. I consider myself smart, this might be the ego talking but it's true, I do consider myself smart and was never shy to admit it. Do not bother asking me to justify or give you 10 good reasons why I think so because, I am not even going to explain why I do not bother explaining. Back to it, who I was was someone who is who I am today minus the opportunities that have presented themselves to me lately. Opportunities which are life altering. So the question is, can you grasp that opportunity, that one chance that surfaces before it submerge and disappear? I succeeded in catching it and now, we work on it. I missed chances before, that was when I fucked up... I ain't gonna let it repeat, and now I know, at least this time, I'm not fucking up again.

LIFE

2009-04-27T09:49:00.002+08:00

...is definitely going to take a turn for the better. You know how life is when you know that somehow you have been preparing for that one big break, that one big thing to happen to you where the whole of your life will be altered. My future will depend on this move, how it will be shaped and molded will depend on what happens through the decisions that we make. I am not talking about marriage ladies and gentleman... I am talking about business that might... it just might, enable me to afford many things that I have only dreamt of getting.

I am going to bankrupt BOSTON with some friends!!

2009-03-31T10:08:00.009+08:00

A couple of people here and there did ask me a couple of time now and then as to why my blog has been idle for some time which somehow makes me feel a little unimportant because when I say a couple, I meant one, maybe two at most, or maybe twice by the same person. Well, some of you know why and it's better to keep it that way. So, my dear friends, or the people who still drop by every once in a while, how have you been? It's so nostalgic, those days when my readers weren't just you who were reading but the whole 8 to 10 of you, add one more and we have got ourselves a football team. Times changed, priority changed, circumstances changed and even the way circumcisions are done has also changed and so have I. I realised people around me changing and the good thing about this revelation is that I see everyone changing to better themselves, empowering themselves and realising what a fuck nut they had been and what a fuck nut they had been hanging around with me. For the latter, I hope that they would remain that fuck nut that have helped me through so much and maybe at times, used my shoulder excessively to dry their tears, used me to vent their anger and the latest addition, hitting me when I look at her suggestively while laughing to herself. Girls are hard to fathom.

What happened of late? Just some updates. Kicked back some absinthe at an event and am pretty sure gonna be kicking back somemore tonight at the launch of the event. 68% of liver destroying alcohol level, sugar cube drenched with the sinful poison and then burned and consumed. 3 simple steps to meeting that little green fairy. If by then you do not see her, you repeat that 3 steps until you do... or pass out, which then you should try again when you awaken. Last Friday, after work, I proceeded to BOSTON@Solaris to attack the Tigers. You see, BOSTON has this promotion where the first bottle will set you back RM23 but the subsequent bottles will only costs 50 cents each. I had 10 and Werny Boy had a dozen. In all fairness, he was there earlier than me and so had a head start. Lasting only from 6 - 9 pm, we had about 4 more jugs after the promotion ended with Shel, Stephen (SPF) and Lola.

Just last Saturday, we were in Cafe Cafe to celebrate a friend's brithday and the food there was great with a beautiful ambience. Foie Gras there was one of the best I had in Malaysia. The price did drain my cash but I'm not trying to say that they are expensive, it's just that I ordered the expensive stuff. It was worth it though.

I will be in Krabi for a short holiday soon... sun, sea and beaches... ahhh. I wonder how much I will miss civilization. Hopefully I will be able to organise another rafting session again, this time with the girls. Well my friends, I guess that's about it.

Au Revoir.

p/s: During one event, there were actually 2 people who thought that I was gay... WHAT??

I have no idea how that came about and that was the first time they saw me. Oh well, just so you know, I am still with the same person, hard as it is to believe.

What about it...?

2009-02-19T10:13:00.003+08:00

It's been a long time since I last wrote and this is mainly due to the reason that more and more things seem insignificant to me. Events, parties and all that... nothing seem to excite me the way they did before. I missed sharing. But I could hardly find what I wish to share anymore. Through this blog, I know that I will be fucked if I talked about love and relationships, I will be fucked if I talked about politics and my views on the government, I will be fucked if I whined about friends, I will be fucked if I shared my stories of success (just refer to the post before the previous one) and that does not leave me much to talk about. There is also the case where someone checked on my blog, read it and attacked me with it, but this story is too sensitive to post up. With no internet connection at home now, I now have to bring my laptop home, type and save and then only copy, paste and publish.

Enough about the whinings before I get fucked again.
Oh, before I stop, I just wonder why those who stab me does not just let me know who they are, not like I am going to rape their daughters or kill their family, snatch their girlfriend/boyfriend and poison their pets. I just wish to know who feels what about me. That's it.
Furthermore... I am actually quite likeable.

I remember that I shared my life on a daily basis, from my job interviews, to my celebrations of events, down to the day to day happenings that happened to me. They seemed much more blog-worthy before. Not so much anymore. Many things seem funnier before, things that it took to lighten up my day or just brighten up my mood were things of minimal significance to many. I was happier. Not many things brought me down.... but even if they did, a beer with a mate will drown it out. I seem more reluctant to go out now, rather being on my bed, showered and with a book in hand. Well... maybe I am growing up, maybe I am growing old. Who knows.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

2009-01-22T09:44:00.004+08:00

Well, before the holiday season hits us and get us all drunk and poor (through gambling of course), I would like to wish all of you a Happy Chinese New Year. There are many wishes that I have up my sleeves but since I am wearing short sleeved shirt today, I only have a few of which I can pull out.

Wishing everyone the greatest of fortune and may prosperity shine on you in every way possible earning you great money, great friendships, great career, great sex and all things great.

mucho mucho love,
-Charles Chen-

2 words.......

2009-01-06T11:26:00.001+08:00

FUCK YOU

same new me

2008-12-02T13:42:00.004+08:00

The feeling of being recognized always brings forth a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. You feel that you have somehow proven your self worth but it does not justify your importance of your working virtue as the saying goes, 'no one knows what goes on behind closed doors'. It does make me proud however, that someone realize the work that I am doing and the change that I am trying to achieve. It is never easy and I doubt that it will ever be easy to fully comprehend what goes on in another person's mind and thus not understanding how people view you. I have been someone who cared tremendously about how people think of me, as many would know, I do not exactly have angelic impression on others.

There are times that I look back at all the things that went on in my life. Previous relationships, broken friendships, rebelling against my parents; safe to say, I am not exactly a role model. I do try to change and thus far, I guess that I have made the best of me out of me. People change and we often hear others say " We should change for ourselves and not because people expect us to change". It's true. We change some point in our lives because we know that the actions that we have taken somehow influenced someone else's life. That someone might have cried because of you, that someone might have had her heart broken, that someone might have lost faith in certain things, lost faith in friendships. We change because of the effects that we have on other people, effects that brings pain. I have changed much just because of that, because I have dented the otherwise good life of other people.

Back to the point, sorry that I went way over the topic. I am not someone who is vain, not to an extreme at least, but I love recognition. Recognition of my work, recognition from my peers. Men's Folio did an interview about me, writing about my contributions to my company. I am extremely flattered and just thought of sharing.

Pointless rant on a Thursday morning

2008-10-30T09:28:00.009+08:00

I no longer wake up as Charles, energized and looking forward to the day that lies ahead of me. I now dread reality and having consciousness take over my mind, knowing that there is a fair chance that my day will not be as I expect it to be. There is a certain degree of intrusion to my life that I can take but when there is someone who put their nose right up your ass, demanding to know details of what goes on, that crosses the line. I have never been one to allow myself or anyone else to confine me, make me feel trapped or tied down to a responsibility that I deem inappropriate or maybe just plain stupid. Freedom spells a big part of my life and taking that away or the mere mention of limiting it is enough to make me hate one person... well, apart from my parents, they are the only one who can control me, not because of fear but because of respect.

I grew up in a house where there's always either a grandma or grandpa living with or living near us thus my parents will be taking care of them. It will definitely influence me and my siblings in terms of filial piety and well, all of us turned out OK. We respect our parents and love them a tremendous lot. I guess its good karma on their behalf.
OK back to the topic.

There are people that you respect and there are people that you fear. Very much like how Genghis Khan is respected by his people and Caesar feared. Both powerful, both changed the face of the earth. One conquered lands so vast that his empire spreads from China to India to Russia to Europe, all this and he was only from a nomadic tribe. The other built the ever famous Roman Empire, very much smaller in size but never in drama. The difference here is this, Genghis Khan's empire grew after his death, very much due to Ogedei or Kublai Khan and although the reason for his death is not confirmed, it is said that he died either from injury during battle or from plain fatigue. Caesar as many know, died in the hands of Brutus, his friend, his ally. This is where I am coming from. This is my point. You should earn respect and not fear. You should be someone whom people will seek advice from because they look up to you and not find every chance to escape being in your presence because they fear you. The mere mention of your name will be enough for them to find excuses to hide.

Sometimes, we have to take into consideration of how people would view us. Some call me arrogant, a show off, a person who thinks too highly of himself just because he believes himself to be. Well, to that I say, "Fuck yeah, I do think highly of myself and I deserve every bit of attention that I get." I do work for it. I spend my time networking for it. But besides being viewed as arrogant, I don't think that I am feared (unless you are my girlfriend...maybe). I command, or I hope I do, command a certain amount of respect from my peers. That is how I would love to be remembered. Beneath all the ballooned ego and overblown confidence, I am still the same Charles that you guys know. I still drink and do stupid things and I curse as if it is a part of my vocabulary since I was six, but at the end of the day, I know I have a bunch of friends who are true to me and will not hesitate to lend me a helping hand should I need one.

Nightmare of dreaming a dream

2008-10-13T09:51:00.002+08:00

It was scary, no, it was more like a total mindfuck. The vocals of Timbaland and beats to the song "Bounce" echoed in my ear and it hit me that my phone was ringing. I woke up realising that my surroundings were actually dark and all I could see was the illumination of my mini stereo set that I mysteriously found sent to me. I was staring at the stereo and my eyes focused on the bass that was vibrating due to all the thumping from the track, and all of a sudden I woke up, again. And there I was, on my bed, phone beside me ringing. The time was 8.16 am and I knew that I was late.
I moved into my new house last Thursday and as I was unpacking, I found a package that was sent to me and it seemed like it was there for sometime, just that no one told me and I did not notice it although it was a big package. It was a set of mini-stereo.

What women really wants?

2008-09-26T10:36:00.004+08:00

LIKE I FUCKING KNOW.

This fucking age old question dates back to the time even before Christ or Buddha or whoever stepped foot on this soil of ours. You think that you can judge them based on the expressions on their faces or by the tone of their voice but let me tell you this, you may have stepped on a fucking land mine and not notice it. It's just impossible. They are so insidious that you will never know when you have fallen into a trap. That trap does not need to be well planned, they are born with this instinct, this gene in their DNA strand which is almost machiavellian, so effortless and subtle, it will be over before you even realise it. You may be so oblivious to it until you notice the awkward silence and the change of demeanor, only then you fully comprehend the situation that you are in. You have been ensnared and every other step you take will only make you fall deeper, very much like drowning in quicksand, only this time, its shit instead of sand.

There is little you can do except for trying to figure out what went wrong and when it all collapsed unto you, burying you alive in the pile of shit that you did not even know existed. That is the magic of women. They can make shit appear out of thin air, cover you with it and make you feel as if you brought it all upon yourself. Depending on personal character, some will fight to regain their innocence, some will concede defeat and some who used to fight will just stop giving two fucks and let the women get things their way. At the end of the day, you either win and she is pissed making you even more pissed, or you lose making her pissed and you even more pissed. Maybe that applies to me. I seldom feel guilt nor remorse nor guilt heavily laced with remorse with a sprinkle of 'I-truly-give-a-fuck'. As a matter of fact, I concede because I am tired of all the bullshit that has been going on and the drama which is even more dramatic than the scene in Armageddon where Liv Tyler was crying when the asteroid exploded with her kick-ass-Bruce-Willis-dad. I have come to be in a state of disregard when matters such as this arises. Why fight when at the end of the day, you end up having shits and nothing ever changes? Might as well save your breath for another cigarette. You are gonna die anyway so I'd rather choose the probable lung cancer over excessive blood vomiting and stroke followed by a seizure due to a chronic heart attack as a result of nonsensical-rubbish-filled debate over pointless matter.

People think that they can decipher what goes on in that complicated grey matter located directly inside the skull of those who carry the XX chromosome of which we passionately refer to as women. Guys who think that they are sensitive towards the needs of women knows what they want and their inner most desire. YOU ARE FUCKING WRONG. How do I know? I just do. I personally think that they have formed this secret society where they are all conniving to take over the fucking world and fuck with the minds of men. To all my brothers, good luck. Resistance is futile, and probably not worth the effort with all the tears and whining that you will get at the end of the day making you feel so damn irritated and hope to put a bullet through your head. You only pray that the shot is fatal because you would not want to be comatose and still be able to hear all the complaints. If that happens, hope that your ear bleeds you to death.

Have a nice day.

Blinded on a sunny afternoon

2008-09-12T10:30:00.003+08:00

There are times when you feel that there is nothing running in your mind and for me personally, that is when I feel most useless. Nothing specific that floods your head and the only thought that you have is the thought of why you have nothing to think about. To a certain extent, it exudes a certain degree of calmness but beneath that, fear lurks. Brings about the saying 'the weather is calmest before a storm' or something along that line. Have you ever felt so afraid when all of a sudden your mind seemed to just shut down and you stare blankly at nothing and trying so hard to understand the reason for that moment of emptiness and void? I have had experience it and it was not pleasant. Maybe I am young and therefore afraid of being lonely. The feeling of emptiness intensifies even more when your own mind abandons you. As I age, maybe, I will learn how to appreciate these tranquilities.

Bottoms of many bottles; Candles on a cake

2008-08-25T09:46:00.015+08:00

I was asked a few times by a few people on how it felt turning 25. To be very honest, I felt nothing. It was just another day, another weekends full of drinks and crazy antics. My initial thought was that I would be in a more somber mood reaching that quarter century mark but it felt different. I felt energized as if I am moving on to a new phase of my life. I am now officially in my mid-20s and it feels as if I am officially an adult. I have no i
dea how that benchmark came along but I guess that's just the way I feel. My birthday this year felt great as there were many friends celebrating with me and I am sorry I could not invite everyone as there was a max number of people that 8 bottles could bring in. We were in Italiannies earlier for dinner as I very well know what the consequences are for me drinking on an empty stomach. Dinner was great with a few people, mainly telling me how I am gonna be fucked and also how my four appointed Guardian Angels a.k.a Substitute drinker would betray me. Yes, they did betray me. I celebrated it in Scarlet and by 10pm, I was already there. My 3 tables were empty and it did feel a little weird but people started pouring in by 11pm. The bottles of Henessy were diminishing one by one and then crazy people began doing crazy things. Some bought flaming and some bought graveyard and its not usual for me to decline drinks but those were poisons. It was scary even by my standards, which by the way, is not that high. There were endless birthday toasts and drinks were even forced down my throat at some point and that was done by one of my appointed guardian. The night was fun with many many crazy things happening.
I have this minor problem. When I am drunk, I will not know what happens and I will go around kissing everyone and this condition is not even sex biased. When I say I kiss everyone, it means girls and guys. I wish I could control this behaviour but apparently I can't. Controlling it in the sense that I will only kiss the girls and not stop kissing altogether. Many pictures were taken and some were a little weirder than the rest. Most of my friends are used to pictures with my tongue sticking out so that is nothing new. I won't upload those pictures here and if you guys are interested, those pictures will be in my facebook account. So until then, thank you all for your wishes and take care.

Cheers!

北京欢迎你

2008-08-16T11:27:00.004+08:00

The auspicious date of 08.08.08 draws near and like many, I'm excited, not only because of the sporting event, but because of how far China has come since they broke free of communism.

WOW... I uploaded this before the 8th and now only it is uploaded.

Today, I fell

2008-08-06T17:52:00.002+08:00

I have always been someone who is sure of what I want and how I would get it. Lately at least. My confidence in myself and my capabilities is utmost but today, I failed. I have always hated the feeling of losing and this time around, I screwed up so bad that I felt that my ego imploded on me. I felt afraid, the feeling that have been long absent from my life. It feels as if many people would rejoice while reading this post, do not ask me why, it's just a feeling that I have. Many people would love to see me fall from the throne high up that I built for myself, thinking of myself as someone irreplaceable. I have never thought of myself as invincible, just someone who will not taste defeat. That would be my ego speaking and probably, I should be the one laughing at myself. I have fallen many times in the past and I thought that I would have been more cautious. How wrong I was. I hate this feeling we call fear. I hate having to admit that I have done something wrong but I guess that there is no one to blame. Have you ever had the feeling that you are so sure that you are doing things right but just falls down flat on your face? Well, not so high and mighty now are we?

I miscalculated and it costs me. Well, maybe this will keep me in check. This will tell me that I am just like everyone out there. Imperfect. All of a sudden, everything around me became quiet and the only thing that I could see was my mistake and the only thing I could hear was myself cursing at my ignorance and stupidity. Well, I have held great hands of cards that life have dealt me, I guess I should not complain when dealt one poor round. The only thing is, my bet this time was big.

It's funny isn't it, that even until now I would not share the details of the mistake that I have committed, with the fear of being ridiculed and laughed at. I wish to be angry but my anger could only be channeled towards myself. Damn. If only. Damn.

And the booze keeps pouring in

2008-07-22T12:22:00.010+08:00

The past weekend was definitely great. First off there was the NTV7's 10th anniversary held in KL Convention Centre. It was a grand event, grand because there was a free flow of champagne and it does not matter what champagne it is be it moet or dom perignon or veuve cliquot, it was good. Free flow is always good. I did not get drunk that night though most probably due to the fact that I was walking here and there, in and out. The best parties are always those parties when you meet a lot of people that you know and when you have attended enough events, that would no longer be a problem as you will most probably bump into the same group of people over and over again. Theme that night was Black and Gold and it is always very easy for a guy, all you need is a black shirt and a gold tie and you are set for the evening. Girls had it easier because they were either in all black or all gold. Jien was the host for the night with performances by the guy who took off his shirt and kena fucked by our government and also a few others. I am sorry if I do not know all of them ok? I was reacquainting myself with Ms. Champagne which looks very sexy in the flute. Met up with a few of my ex-colleagues from Mindshare and it was great to catch up. I mean, it was great that they still talked to me after all the little incidents that happened involving me and some people from the opposite sex, creating a name for myself. Not in a good way. The night ended for me after I won a bottle of Henessy from them through a lucky draw. They had all these names with numbers beside them on a gigantic screen notifying you what you have won. My number on screen that night? 88. I think I have a special something with this number. Went home to sleep quite early that night, before 2am definitely and woke up relatively early the next morning. Had an appointment. I inked myself again. I used to have this scorpion tattooed on my left arm and it was always ridiculed for having nine legs. That was a thing of the past. Scorpion is gone. It is now replaced by a half finished tribal tattoo which after 40 days, will have to go through touching up and final touches.

If you look closely, you can still make out the shape of the scorpion

The whole process including drawing too about 2 hours and the picture above is taken on the night after the tattoo was done. It was painful but definitely bearable since this is not the first time I have gotten myself a tattoo.

The picture above was taken at the Henessy Artistry event and this brings me to the final part of this post. This is said to be and I believe it to be true, the biggest Henessy Artistry event ever held here. MACHI and Flo Rida was brought down and the opening act was done by Pop Shuvit. The whole night, Henessy was everywhere. Held in Bukit Kiara Equestrian Park, the whole hall was segregated to Henessy Miami, Paris, Shanghai and KL I think and of course there is the general space in the middle. One of the best parties that I have been to but its been a long time since I got drunk to the level I could not walk.

Until the next time. Take care.

Just a short (hopefully) update about myself

2008-06-30T11:29:00.010+08:00

It's been sometime since I have blogged about anything. I guess that I have gotten bored of blogging as it is a platform that I have created with my own two hands for people to bombard me and label me many terms that I find very offensive. Reason one, they do not understand why I am doing what I am doing. Reason two, they could be jealous of where I am right now. Reason three, they are just assholes with no life and thus succumb to meddle with the happenings of others. I have been attending many events lately from media events to club launchings to launching of fashion labels and et cetera. It does take it's toll but one thing good about event would have to be the free flow (in this case, alcohol) and of course the chance to do some networking. Events would be aplenty this time around and I have only made it a point to attend events if there are people that I would like to meet or if I feel like drinking, which, sadly for my kidney, happens to be very often. I have blogged before about me getting acquainted with some Malaysian models and actors and I did have a few hang-out session with them. I bump into them from time to time at events and launches and so dropping by to say hi, have a few chat, tap on the shoulder pat on the back would be very customary but I have been labeled not only as a groupie and a celebrity-wannabe but as a gay. This is definitely new. New and kind of offensive. Do not be mistaken, I am not homophobic in any way but just the fact that I am hanging out with certain people will make me gay, that kind of judgment is definitely out of line and very pathetic.

Recently had an outing with the people from TimeOut KL and some friends from Nike, Hilton, Haaper's Baazar and also Malay Mail. We went and got re-acquainted with nature in our adrenaline fueled white water rafting expedition. I remember sleeping at 3am the night prior to the outing and woke up at 5.30am as we were supposed to meet at Burger King in Hartamas at 7. I reached 15 minutes before time and the sky was dark and so I strolled to the 7-11 there and got myself some coffee and then only I realised that I left my phone at home. I panicked and I realised how dependent we are on technology. Back to the story, we took off in 3 cars and started out journey to Kuala Kubu Baru and the trip was just so fucking awesome. Richard, the editor a.k.a Boss of TimeOut crew was driving in front, leading us and he was a maniac on the road. Sudden switch of lanes and overtaking on single lane traffic. The whole experience would be better if the water level was a little higher but all in all, a very good trip.

Then there was the Newman event and as always, it is always great. If you guys remember, I actually blogged about the event last year. Last year's event was held in the open area in front of Cineleisure and Laundry Bar. This year however, they chose to conduct it in Bar Savahn Too in Mont Kiara. The one thing similar would definitely be this dude who's the emcee for the past two years.

Yup, that's Wern Shen there. Last year he was in his own suit and this year he was wearing someone else's suit. Someone called Ted Baker, think it's his friend or something. That night was overflowing with Guinness and I had myself 15 odd glasses and just one glass of Martell. I won an ESPRIT watch worth RM660 in the lucky draw contest and the whole night was just great. I did what I did last year. I threw Underwear at people from the stage and have them jump up in the air for it. It was bloody great. This year was a little different though as I asked some friends to join me on stage to throw the undies.

Will Quah, Kenny Sia and Alan Yun was on stage with me. Peter Davis, Justin Chan (Hoong Fai from Cempaka a.k.a Wei Yu's brother), Adrian Loh and Kit Mah was also there on the balcony throwing some undies. Daniel Tan was supposed to join us but he could not make it at the very last minute. Joey G had to leave early and so missing out on the fun. Kenny was a load of fun. That dude unwrapped one piece and wore it outside and took another unwrapped piece and stuffed it into his pants. That was the very last piece of underwear thrown into the crowd for the first session and everyone was screaming for it.

Just last week, we were at the launching of Ministry of Sound in Sunway Hotel. I did not really fancy the whole concept but it was fun meeting up with so many familiar faces. Oh well, there are many more events but I will abruptly end the post here as I have got work to do. Alright then, until the next time I blog, ciao.

The Angel of Death

2008-06-09T11:06:00.006+08:00

I can still vividly remember the voice that woke me up in the wee hours of Sunday morning. Mother was knocking on my door, telling me that it was raining and that I should keep all the electrical appliances off the ground. My only reply was that I have shut all the windows and dozed off again. Within my consciousness and sleep, I felt a presence in my room. It felt colder than usual and I knew that there was something amiss. I did not dare to open my eyes wide to see who, or what was lurking in my room but I had to know. I had to know what was causing me to lose sleep and tremble. I have had a really tiring night as a few friends and I partied from about 8 until 3am that morning. Sleep to me was crucial but my eyes would not shut. Something inside me told me that my life was about to change. I could only manage a peek through the crevice of my blanket and there it stood. It was the darkest being that I have ever laid eyes on. It was Death itself. I was afraid. The appearance of Death could only mean that a life would be taken. I was trembling and fear embraced me so tightly that I could hardly breathe. Then all went dark.

I woke up the next morning feeling fine and thought of the night before as nothing but a mere dream. I woke up with a puddle of water right in the middle of my room. I thought of it as strange. I brushed it off and went for my shower and breakfast. 2 hours passed since I woke up and I walked over to my phone to check for any calls that I have had missed. I fell on my knees. What I saw the night before was real. A life was taken. Nokia was dead. My N76 was dead. She was drenched in a pool of rain and no phone, no matter how strong, would survive that long submerged in water. I panicked and was heart broken. She was not even a year old. She was so young. Her demise brought me much grief and I guess this is where we say farewell.

Goodbye Dear N76

I knew that I had to get back on my feet and move on. She served me well while she did but I could not live without a phone. I walked around aimlessly for the whole day wondering how my life would be without this piece of technology and I realised that it was impossible for me to have to go through another day without this piece of equipment. Then, I did what any sane man would do. I got a new phone. It was not as sleek and sexy as my N76 but it was not supposed to be. I got a man this time. Dark, mysterious and touch screen technology equipped, he prides himself as being one of the best with a 5.0 megapixel camera and an ISO800 image stabilizer, holding a 2 gigabyte micro SD card from my N76, her spirit is instilled in him. His name is Viewty.

Welcome to the family Viewty

This is where a whole new chapter begins.

p/s: Since the visit of Death, IT not only took away my Nokia but also a lot of numbers. So please mail me your numbers k?

My very first magic trick.

2008-05-27T14:01:00.002+08:00

Well... I have always known that I am gifted in many ways and this my friend, is how awesome I am. We were at the Pavilion Redbox Plus and to tell you the truth, it was awesome. The rate that they charge is a little higher compared to others but at RM60 per pax, you get to sing from 9pm to 3am and you still have an hour for your buffet dinner. We were there to celebrate a friend's birthday and the crazy laughter that you hear, that would be from Daniel.

Thanks to David for uploading the video.

Pardon me if I stared...

2008-05-16T09:50:00.003+08:00

Not too long ago I posted up something in regards to me unintentionally staring at a friend's boobs. I did not mean to do it on purpose but as men, there are some things that you just cannot control. We always marvel at this great God's creation that can grab a man's attention instantly if revealed. Not all guys know how to appreciate it but for those who does, I now know why men find so much interest in boobs. IT FUCKING SAVES OUR LIVES.

So please, next time you see me staring, I was just lowering down my blood pressure.

How am I doing?

2008-04-29T11:24:00.006+08:00

It has come to a point where I wonder how I am really performing at my job. Am I good? Am I moderate? Am I not up to par? I really wish I knew. I have always pride myself to be someone who is intelligent but I have reached a junction where I do not know how much change I have actually brought to the company. How successful are my campaigns? The ideas that I have, do they work? I need someone to judge my work and tell me whether what I am doing is right or wrong. I need someone who will tell me how or what I can do to improve what I am already doing. All the ideas that I have, I will throw it pass my dad beforehand and ask his opinions and more often than not, he will hit me with all the drawbacks that I have never realized existed. He is good in that way. He is able to see so much deeper into the whole idea that I wish I could do the same. I am someone who is over-confident and at times, over-optimistic, thinking that whatever I do will be great and I always strive to do things that no one else in the industry has done before.

I admit that I hunger for fame. I hunger for people to recognize my work and my dad realized that. He is afraid that this mentality of mine will be destructive. He once said that with this way of life that I am leading, falling will definitely break me and I believe his words to be true. I do not think that I can go through failure without having my confidence and ego crushed.

On a happier note, I have got the chance to meet up with these few celebrities and my preconception of them being pretentious and stuck up rather amused me when I found out that they were not how I thought of them to be. How shallow. They are just like you and me but more recognisable. I have been out drinking and chatting and clubbing with them and they are just another crazy bunch of people that I can call friends. Well all in all its been really fun. I guess I count my blessings to have the most fun position in my company. The best part of my work is definitely the people that I meet.

Stomped our Neighbour's Yard

2008-04-10T16:20:00.012+08:00

We are back from Singapore and although it was really tiring having to coordinate so many things and keeping many things in check, it was bloody fun nonetheless. We were in Singapore for the Singapore Fashion Festival '08 and unlike many fashion shows that you might have had the chance to see, what we did was extraordinary. Most of you guys know me so you should also have guessed that it was a fashion show on underwear. The whole event was called Sex-y in the city and it definitely lived up to it's name for the ladies and also the non-straight-community which I dare say, took up a lot of space in the tent. It was held in front of Ngee Ann city which is mostly refered to us as Takashimaya, in a tent big enough to accomodate 400 people. The whole tent was literally filled with guests, celebrities, people from the media and press and I have no idea who else. It was massive and it was god damn fun.

Day 1

We gathered at Corus Hotel at 9.00am where the Aeroline bus took off and thus began our 5 hours journey. The ride was smooth and most of the people did not sleep. I was walking around with a video camera and bugging everyone until it reaches a point where I realised that Sarah (NEWMAN Magazine) wanted to stuff the vidcam up my ass, that I decided to shut it off and shut the fuck up. They served subway sandwiches on board for breakfast and later during lunch, we had rice and some stuff, I can't really remember what. Everyone was chatting and I think that it was fun, getting to know each other and all that. The journey went on smoothly except for that one time where they had to stop at a second rest area because they forgot to bring those plastic spoons on board and they could not expect people to be eating with their hands. Once we passed the border, everyone was a little more excited, more excited than watching the three movies that we watched on board, Transformer, Tokyo Drift and Into The Blue. Many people from the media was invited and mny of whom I know personally and that made this trip so much easier... in the sense that they can take care of themselves and do not need me to watch over them. Once there, we took another bus which transported us to Grand Hyatt hotel where we checked in and after so many hours, got to rest for a bit.

The room, as expected, was beautiful. Time did not permit us to stay and laze for too long as everyone was expected to meet at the lobby in less than two hours. Some took showers and some didn't and I happened to be the latter. Everyone was changed and waiting when I reached the lobby and they were very much anticipating how the show would turn out.

We walked for about 5 minutes before reaching Ngee Ann City and many already gathered there, awaiting the start of the show and of course, awaiting the star of the show. Marcus Schenkenberg was flown down from New York to model for this event and he is said to be the first male supermodel and by saying that, you might be thinking, "God damn that dude should be old." As a matter of fact he is. Being at 39, he will easily put anyone in his 20s to shame with a physique like his. His requirements were not exorbitant to start with, 5-star hotel with a gym and business class tickets. He was genuinely a very nice person, not that I had the chance to speak with him at lengths but for a few minutes at the after party in ZOUK.

The media people... good thing all the young ones attended
Everyone got their VIP passes and went in. A few Audi were on display and they were breath-takingly beautiful. I have always loved to own one, I am not a greedy person, personally an R8 would do the trick just fine. The show started and eveyone was already in the mood as music filled the hall with an atmosphere likened to what a club feels like. Models appeared one by one and showcased the best that the underwear industry has to offer which is obviously from us.

This my friend is Marcus Schenkenberg

After the fashion show, where the ladies were all visually worn out, trying to zoom in to the crotch area of the models, we headed back to the hotel where we got to change and went for dinner. Dinner was simply magnificent with delicacies ranging from Chinese to Indian to Western to dan lain lain.

After dinner, everyone rested for a little before heading out to ZOUK in a specially chartered bus and that was where all the not so contemporary fun starts. Characters revealed themselves one by one after a whiskey or two. Some slept, some vomitted and some just became loud. I belonged to the last category after the numerous jugs of Long Island Tea that Wern Shen exchanged with the coupons given to us. The night was great and a few of us got the chance to meet up and took pictures with the man who made all the hoo-ha Marcus Schenkenberg.
Well... it was a great experience and from what everyone told me, they are all awaiting the next similar event. If we are going to do it here in KL, I promise you guys that it will be even more captivating that this one. Hey... how can I top something like what was done in Singapore. Remember, I am after all, Charles.

Until next time.

I am not a pervert....

2008-03-26T11:17:00.003+08:00

.... really I'm not. I came back from a lunch appointment not too long ago and it was one of the hardest lunch appointment that I have had to sit through. Do not get me wrong, the girl whom I met was great company and talking to her is comfortable (in a very non sexual context). The whole ambience was casual,we talked about random stuff, relationships, how the gay community is segregated to a few different levels, things in general. There was only one problem. Well, I wouldn't call it a problem but more of a distraction. You see, she looks good, toned physique, dresses well, long flowy hair and all that. But as a guy, we tend to "unintentionally glance" at 'them' when we turn to look at their face to talk. Having low cut top does not help.

There was a point in time when I asked her,
" How do you know when a guy is gay, when you just look at him?"
" If they look at me, I will see if they are staring down my top."
She has reassured me that I am a 100% uber masculine hot blooded straight man.
" See, you do not turn to look at me when I told you that, so you are definitely not gay."

Goddammit. It was so embarassing but luckily for myself, being cool and all that, I just turned and talked to her, maintaining eye contact. I am a pro if I say so myself. It came to a point where I placed my elbow on the table, hand clapsed in front of my face, away from my nose, thus blocking my vision of her neck downwards. I can earn so much from teaching people this and please count your blessings that you have been passed on such great knowledge. I am a genius and sometimes I hate to admit it. This teaches us a valuable lesson and it is something that I am glad that I found out. When you wish to stare, wear very very dark sunnies, the type where no one can see where your eyes are looking through your lens.

This is a community service reminder.

How does it feel to be drunk?

2008-03-21T18:06:00.003+08:00

Vicky is away on a holiday in Bangkok.
I organised a karaoke session tonight.
When we sing, we drink.
I guess I am fucked.
Either that, or sober.
I hate the latter but I have no choice.
SIGH.
Events are coming... hard to resist the temptation of the clear, crisp, amber poison.

I wish to be powerful

2008-03-12T11:26:00.006+08:00

I am arrogant and I am self-centered. I admit it. I love to be recognised.
I met someone yesterday who has achieved so much more than I have, and he, as I am, being 25.
I am humbled. A little envious. A little jealous.
I am glad that I am surrounded by people who are successful. Successful and young.
It motivates me.

Grey skies on a sunny afternoon...

2008-03-07T16:35:00.014+08:00

...things just do not make sense like that. Tomorrow is election day and I guess we all know what the outcome is going to be like. I suck and am a traitor to my own belief. I registered too late to vote when I could have exercised my right as a citizen and cast my vote to make a change as my singular vote will be worth approximately 4,398 votes. There is no rocket science theories or reasons to it, it's just because my brain activities and intelligence is comparable to so many people combined. Those motherfucking scoundrels will still get a 2/3 majority because that's the way it is. You do not ask why because the answers you get will make you want to hold a hammer in your right hand and a nail in your left, proceeding to nail your scrotum to the nearest wall or the eye of any Barisan candidate.

There is no explanation. Do you go asking a mafia why he took your muffin? You don't. You shut the fuck up and bake yourself another muffin with tears in your eyes and cyanide in the mixture, hoping that mother fucker will steal your poison-doused-chocolate-chip goodness. I share my sentiments of what I feel towards "my country" with my friends. Selected friends as I know that some are not interested in politics, and some who are not interested in politics but can do nothing to stop me from throwing my 2-cents worth of rubbish at them. I do not wish to talk about politics anymore as I am tired and knowing full well that I will sound like an emo bitch on crack and will piss everyone off.

So how have you been lately? It's really been a long time since I wrote here and I do miss sharing with people whom I presume do not give a fuck about my existence except for those who wants me dead. As far as I know, there are only 2 of you including the tea lady in my office. Life has been pretty hectic but interesting at the same time for me, dealing with fashion shows, models and all that stuff that many people think of it as glamorous but nothing to my friends as they are well accustomed to being around famous people. If you are wondering why I am putting up these stupid pictures, there are two solid reason. Reason 1, they are funny. Reason 2, it calms the killer tea lady down.

I just found out that my interview which was featured in New Icon magazine will not have a chance to win the trip to Paris. I was told that only featured celebrities and socialites (which I am none of the above categories) in the Martell Rise Above challenge will be shortlisted. Those who are interviewed for bringing changes to the business world will not get the chance. Maybe we are just not cool enough. What can you do? I have never posted the pictures of my interview before so here goes.

Yea I know. Comment not on the picture. I know that 98.72% of you do not know how to read chinese so what the article says is basically a description of my work and a little about my background and the things that I have done before, changes that I brought. I do not read chinese myself, something that I am truly ashamed of because it is such a magnificent language. Never in any other language can you string so many foul words together and make it sound melodious. Haha I almost said that the alcohol that I drink most was Black Label and that would definitely be awkward. They are Martell and I wanted to say Black Label... get it? Hahahahaha I am such a fucking self proclaimed sad pathetic comedian wannabe.
About voting tomorrow..... please do what is right. I need a drink, maybe Martell on the rocks, just like our democracy and freedom, on the rocks hahaha. See? I can be so funny sometimes.

Happy Chinese New Year

2008-02-12T11:08:00.000+08:00

First and foremost, GONG XI FA CAI!!

It's nice to have a celebration where we all get to spend time together and reunite to catch up, gamble, drink and basically have fun isn't it? Every CNY reminds me of how fast each and every year pass and I am already officially in my mid-twenties, 6 months and 2 days more to be exact. It is scary at some point. I see people getting married around me and it made me realise that I am not young anymore. I never expect myself to be grown up so quickly and I am somehow not ready to accept this stage of life. I am no longer a kid and having fun starts having boundaries. There is the image issue that I have to keep such as not being pissed drunk and acting stupid like how I always have been. Things that I say now carry more weight as being young can no longer justify my stupid and ignorant acts. I am somehow scared. Being mature in thinking is one thing and being ready is another. Being 21 feels like yesterday. Being 25 is not old but it does mean that we have to be older in terms of thinking and living our lives. I have a rough idea of how I wish to pursue the things that I look for in life and I have a specific goal that I wish to achieve. In terms of work, I guess that I have grown and am able to handle many things thrown at me. After all, I handle the whole advertising and promotions deoartment myself. I am more capable in my negotiation skills and my PR skills prove to be admirable at some point. It pleases me even more to see that my friends are also achieving great heights and it makes me feel that I am not there yet. Sure, getting some form of recognition does make me feel that I am at least doing my job right but growing up means that I have to be better than who I already am and having myself as my biggest challenger, cocky as it may sound, seems difficult.

I have friends running their own businesses and doing very well. I have a friend who is a pilot, earning good money. A friend being a senior writer who is recognised in his industry. A friend who is an art director for magazines at the age of only 26. I am actually not at great heights compared to where they are in their respective industry and sometimes it does make me feel
that I am not good enough. Pale in comparison no matter how smart I pride myself to be. I have a knack for praising myself from time to time. It may be a sign of insecurity, it may be a sign of self-confidence, it's not up to me to judge but if I am really that smart, why am I only at where I am now? Damn... this post ios getting depressing. I need coffee.

Celebrity Spotted...

2008-02-04T15:00:00.000+08:00

Ladies and Gentleman,

I have a celebrity as a friend and I am fucking proud of it.

Sicker than peanut butter and shit sandwich...

2008-01-29T09:26:00.000+08:00

The year 2008 has not been kind to me thus far. In terms of health at least. I could not drink nor party during New Year's eve due to sickness which includes bouts of diarrhoea, involuntary vomitting and all around muscle aches. Barely one month after that spell of sickness, it has returned. It feels very much like symptoms that you would expect from food poisoning and that could very well be the case. Those of you who knows me well enough knows that I would not give the doctor a visit unless my life feels like it is coming to a fucking end. It does actually feel like that now. I am so fucking weak and find it hard even to stand and walk to the pantry for a cup of tea. I hate this feeling. I hate feeling weak and controlled. This sickness limits my movement and what I can do... fucking hate it.

I am going to have a lunch appointment with the people from OK! Magazine later on and I guess that it will not be a good day for them since I am not feeling too well. Oh ya, just so you know, I have a knack for perfecting the art of price negotiation and have been getting great prices for advertisement pages for all magazines. That is not the story. The story is that I have been having stomach ache for the past two days and it feels like the next time I shit, my intestines will come flushing out.

I was talking on the phone with a friend last night as she called to find out how I was doing after getting to know that I was sicker than having a peanut butter and shit sandwich. Teresa called me and wasted many minutes of her life talking to me when there are more worthwhile things that she could do... such as saving the penguins trapped in Kuwait. The funny thing is that we roleplay (not in the sexual way) and getting into different characters. I would play the part of the King from some Chinese Dynasty which will of course be fucking prosperous and magnificent where the people love the King more than themselves as they have the best ruler in the whole universe and everything beyond this universe and everything beyond that. In short, I am the best. Vicky will be Ngoi Fei who is always insecure and paranoid that bad things will happen to her and lacks the confidence that she needs to be queen. Teresa will play the role of Leng Fei, the one who's always feisty and will fight back. The great thing about this is that everyone will really get into the character and start to speak in the ancient chinese language.

Charles: I don't feel good. I think you will have to come and help me check my pulse.
Teresa : You should cover yourself with blanket and sweat it out.
Charles: I covered my head but then a bit hard to breathe.
Teresa : Then I guess I will have to suffer a little to make you better.
Charles: Why?
Teresa : Cos I will have to sit beside you through the night.
Charles: Why?
Teresa : Cos I am Hot Stuff
Charles: ........ hahaha........

Enough of those. Things like this really makes my day a little brighter and realise that everyone is not just how they appear to be. Some people will make mistakes and ask the stupidest of questions which will leave you baffled for a little bit. But it's all in good humour.
Well, I am just going to end this post as abrupt as possible because I need to go to the toilet again. I have no idea what else there is to come out.

The ladies who adds colours to my life.
(Picture stolen from Teresa's blog)

Riding the Pink Horse

2008-01-24T17:04:00.000+08:00

I have always, since a long time ago, wanted to experience what it was like being amidst thousands of people screaming at that one person or that one group who's performing on stage. I wanted to feel the energy. I wanted to feel the passion. I wanted to feel the maniacal wrath of crazy-and-probably-drug-infused-fans reaching out their hands towards the stage hoping to have endless orgasms after being able to touch the edge of the singer's pants. I have officially purchased my first concert ticket after 24 years and it made the RM398 seem so worthwhile. I have heard about this concert being fucking fantastic in Singapore and I do not expect anything less for the show in Malaysia.

Jay Chou is coming. Those who have had the privilege to listen to me sing and be tortured beyond comprehension will know that I am a great fan of Jay Chou. I was not brought up to have mandarin as my mother tongue nor do I speak it well but his songs are the ones which I will take the effort to learn. I still remember the first song that I took so much time to memorise from his album where the song is titled Hei Se You Mo which translates to Black Humour.
He is not one of those good looking artists who propels to stardom based on the support of those mother-fucking-crazy-bitch-ass-ah-lians who come in droves to have a glimpse of the oh-so-mother-fucking-good-looking-until-can-become-the-god-of-handsomeness singer who are very so often fair and tall and well built with very white teeth. He is known for his singing. Not all may agree as not all thinks highly of him. Thus far, he has appeared in three films, Initial D ( in which he looked stoned throughout), Curse of the Golden Flower ( in which he looks stoned throughout) and Secret which is a great show if you ask me although there are times that he excessively shows of his piano skills. He may not be great to many but he is definitely different. Rap, hip-hop, ballads and rubbish, he sings it all. To be very honest, I am for once, excited about the fact that I am gonna go to a concert. I even chose to give MUSE a miss even when I had the tickets in my hands.

It's gonna be on the 23rd of February and I am so fucking sure that it will be a blast. So, anyone else that I am going to see there? I know that Pilot Chui Pi Pi will be interested but as to whether he will be able to make it, I have no idea. Well then, the next post will be about something more interesting I promise but its just that I wish to share. I have his new album called "On the Run" courtesy of Miss Vicky. Thank you very much. I have no fucking idea how many of you who actually take the time to read my blog but for those of you who does, and who understands chinese, even the most basic of words, should get this album. It's bloody good... for me at least.

RIDING THE PINK HORSE

Ex-treme games...

2008-01-15T10:24:00.000+08:00

When I was driving to work this morning, tuning in to Hitz.fm, they were talking about extreme games. The first thing that came to my mind was the crazy things that I have done before. Well, not that many to mention but I have bungee jumped and did white water rafting when I was still living in Australia. Life was good for the young, stupid and reckless me and now that I have grown up, I am just stupid and reckless, and maybe still young-er within my friends. Much to my dismay, they were not talking about anything in relation to the sports that will make many ladies squeel and men shit in their pants but their extreme game was about ex-partners. It caught my attention and I listened for a bit but it was all rather bland until they interviewed random people, asking them if it would be OK for them if their partners went out with their ex. The ladies were not so welcoming when it comes to that idea and the guys seem to be more open with it. How true is this? Are the ladies usually more concerned when it comes to their man having a date with theirs ex?

This would be my opinion and is strictly from my point of view which will not reflect what other men feel. I am just that needle in that fucking haystack. Anyone close to me would know about my history and I dare say, not proudly I might add, being very colourful. In my case, it would be very natural for girls to feel somewhat insecure should I be meeting up with anyone from the opposite sex unless given the fact that those girls looked more like guys and then, maybe then, they will feel that tiny sense of security lurking somewhere behind their mind. I have not been the best of person or the best of a boyfriend to be exact but I guess that on the upside, I am trying to make myself better and I am trying to change, make myself less of an asshole. When will that be thoroughly achieved I would not know for sure. It is still work in progress.

On my part, it takes a lot to make me jealous and it is a well proven fact. I have never had any problems with my girlfriend hanging out with their ex-es or even being out with a whole group of male friends. There are only certain rules that you will have to set I guess. Not to be over-protective or possessive in any way but maybe steps to ensure their safety. I will be afraid of their safety and that would be my primary concern. My rules are always very simple, a call before going out, a call when they reach their destination, a call when they are leaving and a call when they reach home. Of course that would also means that they would have to have access to their phone at all times. I do not believe in restricting someone's freedom as that is not what I wish upon myself. The freedom I give will reflect the amount of freedom that I wish to receive. Up until now, I have had not much problems except for that one time where some nasty shit happened and I had to gently remind someone that it was wrong to mess with someone's girlfriend. That happened years ago.

What would you do? How would you feel if your partner goes out with their ex? What would you do if they get messages late at night from their ex? Hmmm.... writing this post makes me feel that up to a certain extent, I am such a good boyfriend for having so much trust.

How do we path our way?

2008-01-07T11:18:00.000+08:00

Have you ever thought about where you would be when you are thirty? How much you would have achieved when you are 35 and how your life would be when you blow the 40th candle on your birthday cake? I would not know how my life would be but I do think about it. I dream about how I wish my life to be when I am there. I dream of what I wish out of my life and the timeline that I set for myself to achieve it. Many people would not view me as someone serious and that I take life one day at a time. Maybe they are right. I do enjoy partying too much to be taken as someone relatively serious. The drinking escapades that I have and the amount of times that I have to be dragged home are not convincing gestures that I have my life planned out. Well, I have had my fair share of criticism but one thing's for sure, I know how I want my life to turn out and I am willing to charge towards that.

I know that everyone once imagined how they wish for their life to be when they are older and already with their family but not many people keep that thought in mind long enough to take the first step to materialise it. I had a very insightful discussion with a friend last night about this topic over my milo ice and his ais kosong. I told him that someone's biggest regret is that when a person does not do something to the best of his ability and not gain what he is supposed to, not get the chance deserved, not improving and not growing. I do understand that sometimes, we are dealt with bad cards and the cards can suck so bad that it makes you feel that you are falling down what seems to be a bottomless pit and it is then you get lost. You lose focus and you lose what it takes to fight on. Many times I have felt that way. May it be betrayal or may it be love, I have fallen so many times and every single time made me hate the world but it is through that that we grow. Through that we learn to stand again and make sure that we do not get hurt by the same circumstance. Some say that I am violent and cruel and that I am not as calm, collected and composed as I was before. Maybe that was the past. That I chose to protect myself by being a bigger asshole than those instigator but again we learn. I have hurt too many in the process and I am now who I am today. I still play hard and I stay out till the wee hours of the mornings but I have my priorities right. I know what I want and I will fight for it. I no longer lash out at the world or drown my pain by ignoring their existence. I no longer sweep my problems under the carpet. Recognitions that I get do not just come to me. I get it by working for it.
It's not easy and I do admit that luck plays a part but that is life. You get dealt bad hands and have shits thrown at you, maybe one after the other, maybe continuously even. But when you persevere, you will get what you deserve. I am not here to preach or think that I am all wise and smart enough to pass down wisdom to anyone. It just pains me to not see that strong person that I used to see anymore. I know that you may be lost a little right now but I hope you will fight through it. If you do, I know you will once more be who you truly can be.

Dear friend, I hope that you get to read this and I wish you the best of luck and you know that I am always here.

Two Oh Oh Seven... you is the goings to be the histories

2007-12-31T10:57:00.000+08:00

I can still remember everything that happened on New Year's eve last year and here we are again, with a new year just hours upon us. I always get the funny feeling that I am leaving so many things behind just because we are welcoming a new year. It does not feel like a continuation. It does not feel like January first has a link or connection with December 31st. Everything that happened in 2007 will be burned into a CD or stored into a folder in the hard disk and 2008 will be a new folder with files added on as you go.

So many things happened this year, many friends made and many adventures taken. Proud to say, many things accomplished, made some impact for the company in terms of advertising and creating major brand awareness. I am proud. Hopefully, my parents are proud. Hopefully, I have made my friends proud. I have always wanted to make a change, make a name for myself and have people remember me for something significant that I have done. I want to make myself proud of myself and I can wake up telling myself that I have done what I have done that not many people are capable of doing. Looking back, I have learned so much and I somehow feel that to a certain extent, I have domesticated myself a little bit. I stay at home more and spend mroe time with my family now. Of course I have lost count of how many times I got drunk which could also be the reason why I stay more at home due to hangovers. I have been getting less sleep and that is seriously screwing up my system but I know that among the people I know, I do not get drunk most often and am not the one with the least sleep. I count my blessings. I have seen many break-ups and reconciliations and me myself have been through it. There is always a lesson to be learned. I thank everyone for playing a part in moulding me into whoever I am today. I dare say that I am not as hot tempered and violent and have somehow evolved into being a more caring being. Many may disagree but this is how I feel. I have had a trip to the Philipines and it was really memorable. The destination really did suck big time but the people that was there were fucking maginificent and I thank you guys for always being the great friend that's always there. Then there was the trip to Langkawi and I am sad to say that we did nothing much there but drink. Drank like fishes we did and it was crazy. It was great fun seriously. Many dramas here and there but fun nonetheless.

In 2007, I have grown close to a few people who now have a special place in some corner of my heart. Adding on to the people that I greatly care about, you guys are automatically issued a "Fucking great People in Charles' Life" bumper sticker and with that, should there be any help that you need, I will do it if I am able to.

There is always the NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS... that we swear to ourselves that we would keep. I am proud to say I have done none. None that would benefit my health at least. IT IS WITH GREAT PRIDE THAT I NOW ANNOUNCE MY 2008 RESOLUTIONS AND VOW TO KEEP THEM... OR AT LEAST TRY TO KEEP THEM.

1) MODERATE CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
2) MODERATE CONSUMPTION OF CIGARETTES
3) DO NOT MOLEST PEOPLE WHEN DRUNK
4) DO NOT PRETEND TO BE DRUNK TO MOLEST PEOPLE
5) DO NOT SUCCUMB TO DARES WHEN IT COMES TO DRINKING
6) PRACTICE SINGING
7) STOP KISSING RANDOM FRIENDS IRREGARDLESS OF SEX WHEN DRUNK
8) SLEEP MORE
9) WATCH LESS PORN
10) DO NOT THINK OF MYSELF AS GOD
11) DO NOT BE CONTROLLED BY MY EGO
12) NEVER EVER SUCCUMB TO REQUEST OF WATCHING 'CUTE' SHOWS
13) MODERATE CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL
14) TRY TO LOOK YOUNGER (People say I look 28-29)
15) STOP ONE HAND ON WALL, LEGS CROSSED POSE WHEN DRUNK
16) TRY TO OBEY TRAFFIC LAWS
17) WRITE LESS POLITICAL BLOG POST
18) STOP LAUGHING LIKE A RETARD
19) LOSE WEIGHT
20) APPRECIATE

That is a pretty long list and it did not even include the things that I wish to achieve in my workplace. Looking at the list again, I figured that many things have to do with alcohol and that is why I really need to control myself. According to some, I can get seriously scary when drunk. Picking fights or just plain being horny.

WISHING YOU ALL A BLOODY GREAT NEW YEAR!!

AND MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE... except for anything that will bring me harm. NOW GO GET DRUNK AND GET CRAZY!!! WOOHOO!!!

AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO THOSE THAT I FORGOT TO WISH. LOTS OF LOVE LOTS OF LOVE.

Hail Fuhrer

2007-12-07T10:16:00.000+08:00

After all the small little chats that happened in the comments page in my previous post, titled "where do we go?", I have decided to tone my humble little blog down a little bit and only talk about politics when I feel like it. Only talk about it when I have that 2 tonned rock of dissatisfaction sitting on my chest. Only talk about it when I feel that we are living in a country run by crooks and motherfucking apes. Only talk about it after the Government said something stupid or have done something which leaves me in complete awe but alas, I am a busy little boy who has to earn his salary and so I can't blog every 2 seconds. Towards the end of the year, I have just completed my 2008 ad placements and so I can breathe a little easier now. Christmas is coming so that's good news. 16th is coming as well so please remember to stay at home and watch some DVDs as it is not smart to go out. You do not want to go out and face the wrath of parang wielding unhappy people. What is this country turning to? I have no idea.

On a happier note, I am happy to say that our government are very pro-active in keeping the peace in our country as we celebrate our multi-racial, multi-ethnic, multi-religion and multi-colour relationship with each other. We celebrate the fact that we live in perfect peace and harmony where you see our members of parliament behaving so cultured and civilised. The latest effort by our member of parliament to tighten the bonds of brotherhood between us is to suggest that the crosses and statues depicting the Christian faith be taken down from those mission schools. That guy was someone called Syed 'Robin' Hood, who said that the statues should be torn down, the crosses be destroyed and the teachings of christianity to be stopped. Well, what can you say to someone who is so patriotic to his land, the saviour of Malaysia's identity as an islamic country.
What the fuck were those mission school thinking? Just because they were erected way before Malaysia was even formed makes it ok for them to have crosses and statues of Mary? That is pure absurdity. THIS IS MALAYSIA and we should all, including schools, offices, parks, zoos, public toilets and everything that is within the Malaysian border adhere to Malaysian cultures and beliefs. Who the fuck cares if those schools are built so long ago? Fuck that. Why only take down the crosses and the statues. I suggest that we fucking burn the whole motherfucking school down. This is not the time to discuss about the school being historical or carries sentimental values. This is not the time to say that Najib, Hishamuddin, some Raja Muda from somewhere studied in mission schools before. BURN THEM DOWN.

I like the way that some people in the Barisan party are so strong in getting their messages across. One of my all time favourite would be from Nazri when he told the motherfucking protesters not to fucking challenge the god-loving and loved by god government. He also said that the next time a protest is conducted, those motherfucking protesters will get to see what happens. Why change? Aren't we so well off now. I'm Lovin' It.

And those fucking Americans. Who the fuck are they to ask the government to permit the "peaceful" rally. Fuck them man. Who the fuck do they think they are? Some big ass country or something. I have never even heard of them before. All I know is that they created curry. Fuck them. Meddle with our country's affair? Wait until Nazri show you what will happen. We are gonna send our Mat Cemerlangs, Angkasawan and ahli silat there to destroy you, having them in our country's Proton Juara. That will teach you guys to interfere.

Do not ever insult the government, saying that they are liars anymore. I have had enough. When the government said that they did not use tear gas and water cannons on the protestors in Batu Cave, then we should believe them. THOSE PICTURES ARE DOCTORED CAN'T YOU SEE. There is a big conspiracy to topple our peace loving government and country.

WOOHOO.... weekend is here. Let's drink and celebrate our happiness and content towards our kerajaan.

Where do we go?

2007-11-21T09:30:00.000+08:00

Dear all,

I know that it's always a very tough thing to talk about when it comes to politics and the inequality that we have been accustomed to for the past so many years. I do not whine about privileges that are blessed upon some people just as I do not bite the sour grape looking at those born with a silver spoon. I just believe that we should all have a fighting chance, a fair fighting chance, a chance for us to make this country, this economy even more competitive, make it even more prosperous but with limitations and endless hurdles, is it still achievable? Yes, but it takes a much longer time. I can assure you that I am not a saint and I am speaking partly from my selfish point of view as I know that there are things that if I wish to do, I may not be able to do so with ease just because I am not one of those privileged. I may have somehow, in previous posts, appeared as someone who do not feel content with the government and I do not deny it, all I am asking for is for them to realise that they are who they are only because we allow them to be.

In my previous post, someone left a comment, asking me a question which I feel has no definite answer.


Friend said...: I'd like to know, how do we change? Where do we start?

I'm not disagreeing but i'd like to know your honest opinion on what we should and should not do!

That aside, why is there so much swearing in your entry? I know you're really pissed, but i really hope you'd decrease th7e amount of swearing.

By the way, i like the entry. I really do!

What can we do? Where do we start? I believe that we should make changes gradually. The government has applied a tactic which was used by ancient Chinese general where easily explained, means 'Kill one, warn hundreds'. Some bloggers who, much like me, see injustice in our system, chose to voice out and what they got was lawsuits. Do not get me wrong, I am afraid like many. I am afraid that I will be nailed somehow, under what charges I do not know and thus is why I do not state anything which bends away from the facts and merely speak my mind, believing that I still have the rights to.

How do we make a change? We start with our rights. Our rights to vote. Who we vote for is completely up to us but we have to remember that whoever sits high up there on the comfy cabinet stool is determined by us. They who feel that they are so powerful that they get to overpower the people who gave them the chance to lead, should realise that the stool does not belong to them, and they may not have the chance to have their asses on the soft leather cushion anymore. WE are the one who determines who gets to make decisions on our behalf. WE are the one who determines who governs us. WE are the people whose voice should be heard. WE practice our rights to elect the candidate whom we feel will protect us. WE choose those who gives a damn. WE decide who gets their payroll from our hard earned money. Nothing was equal since the beginning and I am not complaining and whining like a bitch about that now, this is inevitable and this has been the way for a long time and it may be the reason why we have not ended up like Indonesia. It's very much like how we will not be seeing a Chinese Prime Minister. Somethings are just meant to be and we will just have to live with it.
But I am sick and tired of being threatened. Sick and tired of how low-lifes had been glamorised just to pull in that extra votes. Yes, I am talking about our Mat Cemerlangs.

Things do not have to end like this. There are things that we can do and there are messages which we can send. I am not saying that there should be a rally or there should be any protests. It really does cause too much inconvenience to the public but our government could help much earlier but they chose not to. Why fire water cannons and use tear gasses when they could just monitor the rally peacefully to the palace and then let them disperse? Why instill fear in the people who are fighting for what they believe in. What are they even afraid of?

I watched Lions for Lambs earlier on and it was a great movie. It merely states that there are people up there who lie. There are people who fight and die for the chance to make a change. There are people who, very much like me, have almost given up in believing just because we feel that we are only one person. What can one person do?

I now know a glinter of the answer, we start by changing our mentality. Only by that, only by seeing the bigger picture will we be able to make a change. We just have to realise. Realise that the power is in our hands. Realise that we do not have to be afraid of the people whom we place up there because it is through our hands that we can push them back down.

Time for a Change

2007-11-12T16:13:00.000+08:00

When you see people rallying and gathering, hoping for a fair election, when someone like me who does not give two fucks about politics feel so agitated with our current administration and for opposition leaders to have to send a memorandum to our King, pleading for a fair electoral outcome, you know that there is something wrong. Everyone knows that there is something wrong. You do and I do too. Do not misunderstand, I am on no particular side nor do I favour any opposition parties but one thing for sure, the time has come for a change.

We, as the sons and daughters of this country have lost our most basic rights. We have lost our rights to speak, to write and to express our feeling towards our country. The government's job is to protect us. They are voted into the parliament to serve the people of their country and not fucking instill fear in them. What have we become? What have our country become? To say that I am displeased is an understatement. What the hell is the government doing? How many cases of corruption has emerged in the papers since our current PM got his ass on the big and mighty chair in the fucking parliament? How many cases of discrimination were reported in the papers? Remember that guy who lifted the keris and shouted something about ketuanan melayu? He did it again this time, saying that the keris was meant to protect. Bollocks. Fucking Bollocks.

No one in the government is above the law but apparently, that is not the fucking case ain't it? I have not been brain washed or fucking pulled over to the "dark side" but it is just that I have been constantly mind-fucked by the government of this country. Our ministers are brave. They dare do anything because they know that they will get away with it. Everything that happened, that was reported, will be published, and then dragged on and on, and then forgotten. Remember Rafidah and the AP issue? That is one of the example.

I am not asking for anything but merely expressing my disappointment in this country that I once loved. I read in the papers yesterday about this chinese boy from this chinese school who wrote a piece of composition and submitted it in as an entry in the Commonwealth Essay competition and he won. He spoke much about unity and his love for this country. He is still young. He is still naive. He is surrounded by his multi-racial friends and may not have seen the ugly side of racism on a much larger scale. He did not see how his country is corrupted and how his fellow country-mates are feeling. He did not know that when he tries to apply for a place in the local universities, he will be facing many problems and would most likely have a hard time to get a scholarship should he ever needs one. He may also not realise that he may not be able to take the subject that he wishes to take because local universities must have a certain amount of bumiputra doctors, engineers, accountants, so on and so fucking forth. That little chinese kid is still young and he should enjoy his childhood and live in his fucking fantasy before he grows up to realise what kind of shithole his fucking paradise really is.

We talk about transparency, the government talks about transparency. It is about as transparent as my scrotum. I do not encourage protests or illegal gathering but I wish that somehow, somehow the government, those so called "leaders" sitting in the government, living in their fucking big houses, would come to realise that they are fucking no-one without the people of their country. They are mortals. They are mortals whom I do not look up to but instead despise. They made me hate this land. They made me not love my country. THEY FUCKING MADE ME UNPATRIOTIC. We should stand up and let them know that as we can place them way up there, we can fucking bring them down. Do not allow them to take their priviliges granted by us for granted. They are elected to serve. They are elected to maintain stability. They are elected to make our country grow. They are not elected to make us fear them. Police forces are the same. We fucking pay their wages. We are the bosses. We go to them for protection. Do not act so high and mighty, Because eventhough you are holding a gun, the gun belongs to us. The country belongs to all. Not just you. By you, I mean you fucking thieves and robbers. You who stole our freedom. After 50 years, we are more trapped than before.

It's about time they learn who they serve. It's about time for a change.

Sad fact but true fact...

2007-10-19T09:45:00.000+08:00

I received this mail not too long ago and it just makes me sad that after 50 years of independence, this is the situation that we are still living in. I pledge to the government, do not speak of democracy and do not speak of freedom of speech when it does not exist.

I know that to a certain extent and to a certain level that this will offend and make some people feel bad but it is never with an intention to hurt when I write my entries. For 24 years now, I have come across many great friends of different races and I truly feel blessed. Friends such as Faridz, Razman, Johan and Syafiq that I have known for the longest time. My friendship with Faridz dates back long before and we were always close for as much as I remember. We do not contact each other as often but some words do not need to be expressed in words, friendship is deeper than that. Truth be told, they are malays and muslims but I feel no threat from them. This is what unity is about. To be very honest, the same cannot be said about our government. I can tell you that I feel afraid when I am in the police station after an accident. I feel afraid of the government from the threats and their waving of the Keris shouting something about upholding Ketuanan Melayu. Governments are elected by the people to serve the people and not for them to act like dogs and we like sheep so that they can keep us in line. Great nations like the United States, their government do what is best in the interest of the people, maybe because they want to be re-elected but whatever the reason, that should be the way. That should be how a government is. Not instilling fear in the minority. I will not even dwell into equalities and not push on about fairness. Life's like that. For me, I personally believe that everyone born in Malaysia after 1957 should be considered a bumiputra but since that is not the fact, then what is there that we can do?
I am rambling just because I hate the feeling of being afraid in my own country where I am supposed to be protected. I am talking about racial discrimination and inequality based on race. I am not talking about Malays in general and not stereotyping them, but those that I read in the papers and heard in the news and web, those are bloody disheartening. Then of course there's comedy where our minister was being interviewed by a BBC correspondence. What's his name, Syed Hamid Albar was it? The top people in the government is, at least for me, being totally undiplomatic, undemocratic and disappointing. Those are the people at the top, and then of course there's the Mat Rempits that I believe everyone is afraid of, Malays, Chinese, Indians dan lain-lain. That's it for my part. Have a look at the article that was forwarded to me.
__________________________________________________________________

NO HOLDS BARRED

Raja Petra Kamarudin

I'm getting married in the mornin'!
Ding dong! The bells are gonna chime.
Pull out the stopper!
Let's have a whopper!
But get me to the church on time!

Get Me To the Church On Time: music by Frederick Loewe; lyrics by Alan Jay
Lerner.

My mother's name is Barbara Mabel Parnell. A couple of years after World
War II she became a Muslim and adopted the 'Muslim' name Bariah Kamarudin.
Kamarudin is of course my father's name while the 'maiden' name Bariah was
suggested by Tengku Ampuan Bariah Terengganu who was in England then with
the late Sultan of Terengganu (then the Raja Muda of Terengganu) and father
to Malaysia's current Agong. You could say Tengku Ampuan Bariah Terengganu,
who is my father's cousin, 'named' my mother (and they have the cheek to
say I would have the gall to insult the Agong who is sort of my
second-cousin by marriage).

About 25 years or so later, my wife too became a Muslim. She was informed
by the then Grand Imam of the National Mosque (Masjid Negara) that she can
retain her original name, Mable James Anthony Lee. The wife of Raja Adnan
Raja Abdullah, the one-time Deputy Director of the Special Branch and my
brother's father-in-law, suggested my wife take a 'Muslim' name and she
proposed the name Marina. So my wife became Marina Lee @ Mable James
Anthony Lee.

My sister, Norita, married an Englishman but he retained his English name
when he converted to Islam in front of Pak Abas, my Tok Guru from
Terengganu who is also one of the PAS grassroots leaders and the
'strongman' of Kampong Kolam in Kuala Ibai, a PAS stronghold on the
outskirts of Kuala Terengganu which Umno has never been able to conquer.

When my mother first stepped foot in Malaysia a year before Merdeka, my
father's relatives were delighted that my father had married a 'Mem', a
novelty in those days, and that she had 'masuk Melayu'. My mother would
indignantly correct them by saying that she 'masuk Islam', not 'masuk
Melayu'. She had become a Muslim, not a Malay, and she was proud of her
Welsh heritage.

Malays have this misconception that if you become a Muslim then you have
become a Malay. And they would refer to converts as mualaf, in particular
Chinese converts. It is peculiar they do not regard Indian converts as
mualaf but Indian Muslims. Why are Chinese mualaf while Indians are Indian
Muslims and Caucasians 'masuk Melayu'? Did I not say that the Malay mind is
a very weird thing?

I made about nine or ten trips to China from the early- to mid-1990s and
have toured the remotest parts of China where Malaysians have never been
before. Some parts of China that I visited the people there have never seen
a Malaysian in their entire life or know where Malaysia is (and they were
surprised that Malaysians look like Mat Salleh). And there are many Muslim
restaurants even in these remotest parts of China so food, therefore, was
no problem.

There are probably around 110 million or so Muslims in China spread out all
over the country with the majority in the four autonomous regions. Beijing
has a whole street of Muslim restaurants and the variety is so exciting
because it is almost like a gourmet's United Nations. In the rural areas
the choices are not that varied and it is very difficult to detect which
are halal restaurants and which are not. But if you ask the locals they
will be very happy to point to the right restaurant and only on entering
the restaurant will you know that they are Muslim-owned from the verses of
the Quran adorning the wall.

The oldest mosque in China is in Canton which was built 100 years after the
birth of Islam. On the outside the mosque looks like a Chinese temple
complete with moon-gate entrance and all; but once inside there is no
mistaking that it is a mosque.

What awed me was that the Muslims I met speak Arabic and when I told them
that I do not speak Arabic they were very surprised. They asked me whether
I can read the Quran and when I replied that I most certainly can they were
perplexed. They wanted to know how I can read the Quran when I do not speak
Arabic. And when I replied that I am just like 99% other Malaysian Muslims
who read the Quran without being able to speak Arabic, they shook their
heads in disbelief at this demonstration of Malaysia Boleh.

Yes, Chinese Muslims are mualaf as far as Malays are concerned. But the
Chinese were already Muslims 700 years or so before the Malays when the
Malays were still Hindus, Buddhists or worshipped trees in the jungles. And
the Chinese Muslims speak Arabic while most Malays, save a handful, do not.
And Malays look down on Chinese Muslims as second-class Muslims. Much the
Malays do not know outside their very small world.

In an article called 'Si Binatang Raja Petra Jantan Jalang Biadab' that was
published in an Umno website, they asked this question:

Masihkah Raja Petra ke Gereja lagi menemani isteri? Nak tanya Raja Petra,
apa agama isterinya sebenar? Nak tanya saja.

This is another peculiar trait of the Malays. They are very concerned about
what religion you profess. They demand to know if you are a Muslim or Kafir
(infidel). They treat this as their right to demand you inform them of your
religion. Muslims are good people because Islam is the true religion and is
above all other religions which are considered false. So they must know if
you are a Muslim or Kafir so that they can gauge whether you are a good or
bad person. "Islam adalah agama suci yang kita pegang," said this same
article in that Umno website.

This high and mighty attitude make Malays very arrogant and they carry this
holier than thou chip on their shoulder. Non-Muslims should not take
offence though because they are not the only target of these people.
Muslims like me who they view as not 'true' Muslims also suffer
persecution.

Malays want to dictate what kind of Muslim you should be and if they
discover through an anonymous SMS that you are in the process of leaving
Islam they will rise in anger and demonstrate their displeasure, even if it
is not true. Heaven forbid you leak that you are really leaving Islam. You
will face the full wrath of the Malays. And if for one second they suspect
that you are not their type of Muslim but of a different 'sect' they will
come down hard on you. You must not only be a Muslim but you must be their
type of Muslim as well. That is the Malay mind.

It is quite pathetic really and I sometimes do pity Malays who spend their
whole life preoccupied with finding out what type of Muslim you are and
whether you have secretly left Islam rather than worry whether they could
instead be deviant Muslims. They of course assume and insist that they are
following the correct Islam and if they differ from you then you, and not
them, are the deviants. They will not accept the possibility that you are
right and they are wrong. They are most definitely right and you are most
certainly wrong.

Let us look at a hypothetical situation. Say you walk into a mosque on a
Friday and shout, "The Bible is the true Holy Book and the Quran is false"
or "Jesus is the Son of God and Muhammad is a fake". This will be just like
walking into a Manchester pub wearing a Liverpool jersey. Rest assured you
will not walk out of that mosque in one piece. Okay, now say you protest
when Malays declare the Bible false and that Jesus is not the Son of God.
The Malays will argue that they are allowed to say this because Malaysia is
a Muslim country.

See this e-mail which was published in The People's Parliament to
demonstrate what I mean:

Most of my friends are Malays and through them I learnt the language. I
feel that I've a certain bond with them, until the topics of Malay
privileges and Islam are discussed. I usually just listen and do not put my
two cents because I'm usually the only non-Malay. From their discussion,
I've come to understand how they view the non-Malays. Generally, we should
never question their privileges as we should be grateful that we still get
to retain our Chinese names, surnames, Chinese schools etc. We should never
complain. And they have no qualms criticizing Christianity to my face,
e.g., the Bible is corrupted through many translations, comparing against
the Koran being "suci" as directly from God.

I've always wondered what made them feel so special that they can criticize
but we do not dare in their face. Now I understand that no matter how they
wronged other races, they are somehow protected – e.g., the May 13
incident. I think the govt owes the families of the victims an apology.
Because of that tragedy, the Chinese generally think that Malays have the
tendency to be violent; and the Malays think that they have the upper hand
as they can threaten the Chinese into silence. I'd be grateful if you would
share your thoughts and view on what I've said.

Okay, another hypothetical situation. Say you repeat this same thing in
England, which is not a Muslim country but a Christian country. Will it
then be considered allowed? No, of course not! The Muslims will still
protest and hold demonstrations. The bottom line is, Muslims are allowed to
whack others but others are not supposed to whack Muslims. And this is the
Malay mind as well. So Malays, like these Umno types, resent anyone
whacking them, their party, Ketuanan Melayu, the New Economic Policy, and
anything at all considered 'sacred cows'. But they can scream, even in
'sacred' places like Parliament, that Islam is the religion of this
country, the Malays own Malaysia, and if the non-Malays or non-Muslims do
not like this they can leave the country and migrate to another country.

Malays can give Qurans to non-Muslims but non-Muslims who give Bibles to
Muslims must be sent to prison. Non-Muslims can convert to Islam in droves
but even if just one Muslim leaves Islam there will be blood on the
streets. Malays can label DAP as racist but if the Chinese label Umno as
racist they will make a police report and charge you under the Sedition Act
and try to take away your citizenship as well. Malays can question as to
whether you have left Islam and have become a Christian and now go to
church but you must never question the Malays as to whether racial
discrimination goes against Islamic teachings and whether both the Quran as
well as the Prophet's last sermon lie testimony to this.

Malays are very concerned about whether you pray, how you pray, whether you
believe in God, whether you really think that Prophet Muhammad is the true
Prophet, and so on. Once you pass all these 'tests' of the articles of
faith with flying colours this will make them very happy. Their happiness
rests with you being a Muslim and the type of Muslim that they approve of
on top of that. Okay, so you drink, gamble, have sex with another man's
wife, visit the brothel once a week, and, to top it all, take bribes from
Chinese contactors, pig farmers, brothels, illegal gambling outlets, drug
haunts, etc. That is okay. The Malays will not demonstrate on the streets
because of all this. But if you go to church, notwithstanding that you lead
the life of Mother Theresa, then God have mercy on your soul. What bad you
do is not important. Whether you share their same belief is.

And this is why that particular Umno website is very concerned whether I
still follow my wife to church. That is the most important thing in the
world to them and the entire future of this country and the fate of future
generations depend on them knowing this most crucial piece of information.
Oh, by the way, more than 90% of those in our police lockups are Malays.
And 90% of those Malays in the lockups are there because of drug related
offences. And 70% of those who are inflicted with AIDS are Malays. And 90%
got AIDS because of their drug habit. And this has been going on since the
1970s. And states or areas that have the highest incidences are the
predominantly Malay states or areas. But none of these people go to church.
They don't even go to the mosque, temple or synagogue. So of course the
Umno website does not worry about them. It is when they go to church that
the Umno website will start getting very concerned. That and only that is
what matters.

p/s: The pictures are coming

High time for updates

2007-10-10T10:57:00.000+08:00

First off, for those who even remotely care for my existence, I am still alive. Although I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel and met death face to face, I am still here, hanging by a thread. Holding on to the very essence of life I call consciousness. By that, I mean being able to have normal bodily functions and the ability to control my speech. Not having the pure essence of evil, droplets of sins and shots of destruction that we call alcohol take me over and make me do the things that I do not remember doing or performing acts that I truly regret.

During the times when I was not updating my blog, I have been through bottles of Johnnies and Hennesies with accompaniments from champagnes, beers and maybe some vodkas here and there coloured up with a little wine. Yes, we have been drinking a lot and by saying we, I refer to the ever-trustworthy drinking companion Wern "emo-drinker" Shen. Me and some friends which made up a group of 12 went over to Langkawi 2 weeks back and for the three nights that we were there, we drank, and oh fucking hell yes we drank with a vengeance at the expense of waking up late and being fucked and vomiting like it was a competition. It was great fun as this particular trip had many things that was not listed in the itinerary such as a late night live drama, walking in heavy rain after trying so hard not to get wet while playing "water-sport", random objects throwing show, water gun shoot-off and the clogging of the toilet drain proccess by two ladies. It was messy. It was messy but fun.

I do not have the pictures but the nights were wild. Peeing from the balcony ( we stayed on the ground floor), drinking to card games, the quest for love for some and the quest for answers for others. It was a great bonding experience as the time best spent was in the room. We joked and played and drank and it was all good. Candid pictures and videos were taken in all the greatness of being in a drunken stupor, telling the camera that I am GOD and all those bullcrap.

I know that I have promised much pictures and this time, I will make sure that there will be pictures. I will get if from everyone who brought their cameras and then I will upload. I promise.

This month, there are 3 birthdays of 3 very important people to me. What makes it so special is that these 3 are the 3 leading ladies in my life right now and all being special to me in their own different way.

3rd of October
Miss Mengchia,
There has been so much that we went through and I am very thankful that we are still as close as I hope we would be. There are words of apologies that I wish to say to you but I guess that it will not be right in this context. You have always treated me with the best intentions and given me so much insight in my life. For this, I sincerely thank you. I wish you the very best in life and as you have always been there for me in my life, I make this pledge to you that I will always be there should you need me. Take good care of yourself and may only the best be bestowed upon you.

Love,
-Charles-

12th October
Miss Vicky Chow
You have never given up on me no matter how many times I screwed up and I know that I have not been the best boyfriend that you have encountered. You have had to put up with many crazy antics and behaviour from me and for that I apologise. You have been a great girlfriend and I am thankful. You have shown me time and time again that I am someone who is worth more than I believe what I am worth and you stood by me all those times when I needed someone to be there beside me. For this birthday, I wish you great strength and confidence to deal with what the world will throw at you and hope that each birthday will give you a renewed sense of believe that great things will happen to great people. You have always stood by my side, holding my hand and guiding me on to be someone better. Here, I promise that I will always be there for you.

Love,
-Charles-

15th October
Miss Sheley
The greatest friend that one could ask for. You have always given me a slap when a slap is due and see me in a different light compared to how others perceive me. You do not stereotype who I am and do not judge me from what many others say about me which is nothing less than me being a beast of some sort. Although you have the tendency to be late for appointments and maybe sometimes cancel at the last minute, you have never ever let me down as a friend. We have known each other for sometime already and from a quiet beginning, I am glad that we have grew this close as friends and I know that you will take a bullet for me if not pushing someone to take one. I hope that I have not failed you as a friend at any point, and if I did, please forgive me.

Love,
-Charles-

I wish there's more I could do...

2007-09-13T09:45:00.000+08:00

Dearest Buddy,

No matter how much I boast about how wide and far stretched my vocabulary can be, I am stuck trying to find the words to console you. I will not tell you that everything's alright and that I understand how you feel because I do not for an ounce am able to comprehend a fraction of the pain that you are feeling right now. I just want you to know that I am always here no matter how much of a prick I have been to you in the past.

We have known each other for at least 9 years and have been close through the times. We have had rough times but everytime it happens, it made me feel that I know who my real friend is, at least it made me want to know you better, better than I already have. Forgive me for not having enough trust in you and forgive me for being a jerk off for being pissed off over the most minor of things that happened. I am sorry for all the pain and anguish that you had to endure from this lousy shit you called your brother. The news hit me really abruptly and it crushed my heart. After all the things that have been drawn on the walls of our past, I finally feel that we are able to share so much good times and laughter together but I did not expect it to follow through like this. You have been a victim to circumstances and do not for once blame yourself because you have been great in whichever role you play. Be it as a son and definitely as a friend. You have been the one friend that I have cried over for the fear of losing you as my buddy and the things that I am able to accept just because we have always shared a sincere friendship between us. Forgive me if I had lied to you. I do not remember an instance when I have been untruthful to you but even if I did lie, it would be in the course of how your hair looked and how I think that you can sing better than me.

You have really been a great brother and someone that I place so close in my heart. Remember the times when we stay up drinking talking about the crazy shits that we have had to go through with girls? Remember our stint playing games until wee hours in the morning? Remember me being conned into fetching you to my place to do something for you? My parents loves you as my friend and they have always cared for you. Everytime they greet you with such open hearts and warmth, I knew how close you were to me because parents always knows best. You have always been there to hear me whine, always been there to support me and always been there to slap me at the back of my head, telling me to be a man. I am sorry if I have ever disappointed you. You have always been a role model to me in some ways and I have always look up to you. How you are always calm under shitty circumstances and how you will always make time for friends. How you planned your life and climb the ladder of success given less opportunity and birth benefits than I have had. You were never pretentious to me for my benefits and not the kind who says the words that I wish to hear but the words that will lift me up and lead me to do what is right. I am sorry if I failed you in that. I am not as strong as you are. You have always been able to click with everyone that I have introduced to you and I never doubted your ability to make an event more lively that it could be.

To this point, I feel a sense of loneliness knowing that inevitable things may happen to you, forcing you away from your comfort zone. Please, my dear friend, in your resume, insert the words " fucking fantastic friend" as one of your strength because my dear brother, that is who you really are, to me at least. I will miss you. I will definitely miss you. Your departure means one person less that I could trust and I have build part of my life around your companionship. I have not many people that I can trust.

Promise that you will take care and when you return, we will fucking turn the world upside down once again. I wish you the best in whatever that will come. Keep the attitude that you have towards life right now and you will reach whichever absurd destination you wish to reach in life.

Take care my dearest buddy.

-Charles-

Happy Birthday Malaysia

2007-08-29T11:21:00.001+08:00

50 years has passed since our first Prime Minister lifted his hand and shouted Merdeka. It was then said that we will no longer be segregated according to race, religion or skin colour and that we shall all, from then on, live as the sons and daughters of Malaysia. One nation, one race.

Malaysia has grown so much since the days of padi fields and rubber plantations, trishaws and run down buildings. I am proud that Malaysia has achieved what it has achieved today and to see our skyscrapers, our magnificent airport, it makes me feel like I am blessed to be in this country. Sadly, beauty is only skin deep. In the better sense of words, the buildings and infrastructures that glorifies our country are just the mere carpet that is covering all the rubbish underneath. We have so many social ills that plagues our country and the people. We have a government that makes people afraid of them. We live in a country where freedom of speech is not condoned by people "up there". Do not misunderstand me, we can say things about our leaders and our country and we can talk about the ministries and people in the cabinet. We can hurl comments towards the people from the federal government and raise our opinions about them. Why is it then, you ask me, that you say that we have no freedom of speech? I am referring to a wider scope which includes freedom of press, publications and so on and so forth. All things can be said as long as they are not detrimental to the government or the image that they are trying to portray. They accept the showers of praises and apple polishing but they will not accept criticism. I will not talk more in regards to this as it may land me in hot water and all. I just hope that what was originally planned might materialise in the near future. That about equality, that about unity, that notion about one race, one nation. We do not need anymore of those people who wave their 'keris' about to be placed above us. The government was chose to govern, to lead, not to fucking command us and fucking instill fear in us. How can the government threaten its people? Happy 50th Merdeka.... really?

I may be displeased with the current administration but there is always a silver lining. All in all, there is this one guy that I wish to thank that made us better than what the current administration could ever have made us become.

Thank you and Happy Merdeka.

A message to 3 of my closest.......

2007-08-25T12:18:00.000+08:00

Why do it deliberately, when you know that it will kill me?

Is it because you know you can?

Or is it just because I can do nothing about it?

Something funny about someone...

2007-08-24T10:58:00.000+08:00

Initially, I thought of posting up my birthday event that was, as usual, jointly held with Mr. Darrell Chui a.k.a Mr Pilot a.k.a Chui Pi Pi a.k.a Chui Be Loon but the pictures for the grand event is not in yet so what can I do? I guess that it will just have to wait little longer even though, yes, it happened a week ago.

A series of events that happened lately got me labeled as a bad fruit and of course, befitting as it may be, it all depends on who placed the accusations on me. It has come to a point where I no longer lose my head over matters like these but instead, find myself being able to laugh at the hilarity and the stupidity that some people are capable of exhibiting. It may be true that I am not a perfect person, and damn, I am even lucky to be anywhere astray of imperfections but I do have my hint and pinch of goodness... oh well. One thing's for sure, I do have my friends. I will not base this blog post on someone specific ( the person who chose to hide behind the anonymity of "someone") but instead, address this issue in general.

I always view these kind of people as the jealous type who have tasted the sour grapes, attacking those like me in order to feel better about their pathetic life and feeling of being non-existent. Why do that and appear like a total loser? I have come to a conclusion that it is this kind of people that wanted themselves to be seen or be in the limelight or even be wanted but they failed, they failed to get recognition and they failed to get the girl that they want, rendering them bitter and afraid. They may speak as if they have loads of experience in regards to this matter and they may claim that they speak from experience but if you are so great, why not show it in actions? If there is a point to prove, why not prove your point instead of your contant blaberring that carries no significance? If there is a lesson behind these lectures, why not come to me and let me know what it is? I really wish to know and all these being said, it is not even a challenge or a reason for me to rip your face off, I just want to know and be a better person. Or maybe I just want to rip your face off. Does not matter now.

Funny isn't it how people self promote themselves to the height of supreme beings where they feel that they know everything and have a crystal clear view of all your flaws when they themselves does not know the boundaries of their words. I wish to introduce more friends to those lost souls who has too much time in their hands whereby they will wither into the lives of others and try to be a parasite and suck some attention off them. These kind of people view themselves as being the all-knowing-seen-it-all but as the Transformer theme goes, there's more than meets the eye. Many people here think that they know me and I do not deny that some people do and those are the people who really know me, trust me, there are only a handful.

Just to rub it in, you will never get what I am able to get or achieve what I am able to achieve because I dare say what I want to say and not hide under the covers like a coward. And just to rub it in even deeper, I was just wondering which sour grape you have tasted. Let me know and I will introduce you to that person. Just so you know, none of the people that I love will love a coward who does not even dare to show his face when being aggravated. Oh well, yet again.

I have done great injustice to my girlfriend that I have never ever featured her in my blog and so I guess that I owe it to her. Every others before this was introduced in my blog and I realised that she was not. Sorry that it took so long Miss Vicky Chow.

High Infidelity

2007-08-16T09:41:00.000+08:00

To what extent is infidelity accepted or should the question resonates to the sound of how much could be done before a person is viewed as being void of fidelity? I do not know how to view this matter from the ladies' point of view as I do not dare judge when I cannot put myself in their shoes and comprehend their motives or reasons for being disloyal but for a guy's point of view, I guess I can contribute my two cents. That being said, it does not mean that I have been (always) unfaithful but as the question goes;

'What are the criteria or actions taken which will then constitute to transgression in a relationship? What is viewed as exceeding the limits and crossing the boundaries when it comes to relationships?'

This post is actually 'inspired' by the happenings around me lately whereby I am put in a situation where the plaintiff is a great person who is suffering in silence, crying herself silly almost every now and then. The defendant just happened to be my friend, my brother. When I come to think about it, defendant and I are so much alike, just that the way we handle the situation differ from each other. I am usually seen as the bad guy because to start a new relationship, I take drastic moves, I break people's heart, I break promises and as a result, I break them. This has happened once too many times and thus, hoping to make up for all that I have done, hoping that there is still a place for me in heaven, I repent. At least I hope I did. My defendant friend's way of handling it is totally ignoring the fact that anything happened. He will be seen as being misunderstood, not knowing what to do and confused. I have been in and out of relationships for so many times that I am blinded. Blind to see those that really cares and blind to see that some want me for certain reasons. Some people chose me for reasons that I could never comprehend. I am devoid of good looks and great body, money aplenty I have not. What is it that girls see in me I do not know. I am not complaining. I just don't understand. My friend is different, he has the charms to the looks to the layers of dough in his GUCCI wallet. But I guess that's the way life is, it's fair to a certain extent and unfair to a certain extent which all in all makes it fair again, if that even makes sense.

Digressed a little bit there, my apologies. What constitutes to someone being disloyal, unfaithful, guilty of infidelity? How far does one person have to go before being branded on their forehead with the word 'PLAYER', having to carry that word, that adjective, that misconception for life? When I say misconception, I meant it for myself. It does not mean that there are no jerks around and every case of being unfaithful can be justified. I have been sort of a philanderer before and the outcome was really bad.

It really depends on how much the girl could take. I am close to many girl friends. Nothing scandalous, just close. Vicky is someone who is very understanding in this issue and thus I have the freedom to mix with pretty much anyone that I want to mix with. In a very nonsensical way, I now have a big wife ( who happens to be a guy), a small wife ( who is now in Hong Kong), a senior concubine (Vicky), a lover, and a girlfriend. It is all good because everyone there is my close friend. The hardest thing about being in love is staying in love once you are with that special someone. It is not easy and many times I have failed, only to realise that it filled me with regrets and then comes the part where I try to make up. It will be a vicious circle until that one fine day, you no longer are able to patch the hole that you made, you no longer have the means to make up for your wrong doings and then you fall. When you fall, standing up will be the hardest thing that you have had to do.

I fall out of love for the most trivial things. That is because I did not have the patience to tolerate and I take all things too personally. All that leads to arguments and arguments lead to cracks in the relationship. I give up too easily. I give up way too easily. That is something that I have vowed to overcome. I cannot differentiate the difference of falling out of love and plain old being angry. When for that moment I did not feel like I care for that person, I feel that I no longer have love for them. Time and time again I was proven wrong which prompted me to finally learn. When things like that happen, that is where infidelity comes in. I am not trying to create an excuse for myself but it's true. I fall in love with another because I thought that I have fallen out of love with the previous. People outside the circle will look at me as if I am someone who plays people out and I have no right to question their view because that is the image that I have projected to them. Not everyone knows and not everyone understands. At least I changed. At least I am trying. I guess I have not provided an answer for the question of this post.

What are the qualities and actions taken which will constitute to someone being guilty of infidelity?

I will never know. Who will?

I HAVE A PROBLEM...

2007-08-06T10:38:00.000+08:00

... with alcohol that is. I am not considered to be an alcoholic or anything near it but I drink far more than I thought that I would. 12 more days to my birthday, it will be a smart idea to abstain myself from those golden liquid sins in order to have a functioning liver or any of my internal organs post 24th birthday. My birthday always consists of celebrations with at least 2 different group of friends and on at least one occassion, I will be forced to drown myself in liquor until I act like a cross breed of a drunken monkey and a energiser bunny on heat. I tend to get more 'stimulated' when I have had a couple of drinks and the reason for this strange phenomenon is still under series of tests which until now has shown no results.

Last Thursday, I was at Laundry having a talk with a friend about an event cum party that he is going to organise and feeling like having wine, I ordered a bottle and before I knew it, the whole bottle was gone. A bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, 1 and a half hours max, alone, gone. And by saying gone, I meant the wine and not myself although I was pretty close to being just that. Driving home proved to be a little more challenging than usual not because I was drunk or anything but because your eyes tend to fail you once you poison your body with these 'way-past-expiry-date-grape-juice'. I reached home safely but felt like shit the next morning.

On Friday morning, I swore to myself that I will not drink for at least the whole weekend. Time at work passed slowly and it was hell. The feeling of uneasiness in my stomach and chest only made matters worse. I looked forward to the movie at night and that thought kept me going through the day and nightfall, movie time and after movie, KARAOKE. I am not one of those bloody maniacs who is crazy about singing and all that but it was my friends who pestered me to go so I reluctantly agreed. Upon reaching, Wern Shen was already half drunk. He was at Finnegans earlier on enjoying free beers while I watched paid movie. BASTARD. Anyways, I have no idea what maniac sex deprived ghost possessed him, he suggested that we open two bottles as it was cheap. So we did. The last thing that I remembered was singing a stupid song but apparently, there were many more songs that I sang after that and to go with it, of course, many more glasses of whiskey that I downed, which of course, I do not remember. They said that I even talked to Sexy Sexy Lyn, but I have no recollection whatsoever.

Tell me that I do not have a problem with alcohol. Please do.

p/s: A phone call to Wern Shen the next morning fed me the fact that he was having beer. Just a passing by information. Oh well.

Birthday is coming... I am training my immunity towards alcohol and also the Langkawi trip in October where drinks will be aplenty. I just hope that I am alive with a functioning liver and eyes that can still see by that time. Adios.

TLC - Tiny Little Country

2007-07-17T09:43:00.000+08:00

I was in Singapore since friday and got back home Monday night. Exhausted is an understatement to describe how I felt after all the driving that I had to endure plus the rain which only made matters worse. It was a good trip all in all. We stayed at a friend's place at Holland Park and a special thanks goes to Charlene for being such a wonderful and accomodating host. Vicky stayed with Charlene in her room and that leaves Wern Shen, Melvin and me to bunk in another. The trip was fun not because Singapore had that much to offer but because all of us are diagnosed with brain damage since the age of 8 and thus making everyone on the trip suffer from mild retardation except for me. I suffer from acute retardation.

The drive down south started around 7.30 pm on a Friday evening and all was smooth flowing. We reached earlier than expected. Charlene was supposed to meet us somewhere as we do not know the way to her place but dumb luck was on our side when all roadsigns led us to her place thus making her effort of getting a cab to meet us at the designated waiting place all in vain. There are not many places in SIngapore that we have not visited before and so we went there to shop and to club and to eat. Ahh yes, it may come as a surprise but going to Singapore to eat? Yes my dear brothers and sisters, boys and girls, friends and anonymouses, there are delightful delicacies that Singapore has to offer.

Crystal Jade was our first stop to fill our stomach after we unloaded our baggages in Charlene's place. We did not order much as we were all too tired and thus depleting our appetite but the little that we had tasted great. One thing that I dislike about Singapore now is that they have very limited smoking places. Yes, you can still smoke in public places but you are not able to smoke at the walkway of restaurants and you can't even light up in pubs or clubs. That aside, one of the more memorable meals was at Carl's Jr in Vivo City. The burgers were almost equivalent to two McChickens put together.... if not more. The first tome I tried it, I could only manage to scoff down half and I was half dead. Not that I was a fag or something but I have a freaking good explanation as to why I could not even finish a burger. Before the meal, we bought loads of food.... ok, I bought loads of food, mainly breads and snacks and marshmallows. We wanted to finish it all off before leaving for dinner. Melvin and Charlene left for Jacky Cheung's concert and so Wern Shen, Gwen, Vicky and I left for Vivo City. During our short game, we played cards where by we will all have two cards each and the person with the lowest number will have to eat a quarter piece of bread... that is until Melvin decided to up the ante and then all hell broke loose. There was a point in time when I had 6 marshmallows in my mouth and the 8 marshmallows right after that. I hate marshmallows. I hate strawberry marhsmallows. I hate stuffing 8 of that shit into my mouth and chewing it all into a pile of mashed up sticky goo and then having to swallow it and have the taste haunt for for the next 8 years. Stepping into Carl's Jr. , we immediately searched for a place to sit and then ordered. I forgot what mine was but it was huge. OK, it was not that huge kinda huge but I could only stuff half of it into my stomach which was already filled with marshmallows and bread. After the first two bites, I thought that it would be a piece of cake and so I was wrong. I was dead wrong. The next day I went and try again. I wanted to conquer that fucking burger. Even if I die choking on it, I had to die knowing that I was not a fag and that I could eat a whole damn fucking burger. The second day, I managed to finish it. (............................................................). I felt like a fucking hero. The blank spot there is something that I am leaving out because it is of no importance. Anyway, I finished it. I am proud.

We then went through Geylang just to have a see look. Saw a hot one and loads of rubbish. Saw a tran dancing by the road side and she-he is lucky that I did not carry a double barrell shotgun in my car because if I did... bottomline is, she-he is alive to torment the minds of more passer-by. After that, we went to Clarke Quay and it was beautiful. I will post up pictures once I have them. Wait for it. We even recorded a ring tone when we were at home. It is good I can promise you that.

Many new things happened to us and one of them was the name given to each of us. First off, we will talk about Wern Shen.
He does not have an english name and so we decided to name him after the names that we saw on roadsigns. Some of them were Keppell, Alexandra, Jurong, Normanton and a few others. We have voted for the name Normanton and thus from today on, he will be known as Normanton.
Melvin, being an ART DIRECTOR now require a more sophisticated name, something in line with the prestige carried by the name Normanton. We came across a roadsign and we decided to call him Jervois, pronounces (jer. vo. a).
Vicky is called Phoenix. She was named after a building or a name on a billboard or something, I can't really remember.
I had two options, both suggested by the four-eyed boy. FYI the 3 guys in the car are all four eyed. Melvin suggested Dragon just to try his luck to get fucked by me. Then he suggested Prince and I guess I am sticking with that and I know that Normanton will oppose with all his might.

Oh well, that's that. Wait for the pictures.... coming to you soon.

FRIENDS - GUCCI - ANYA HINDMARCH + I Am Not A Plastic Bag

2007-07-10T10:17:00.000+08:00

The purpose of a joke, be it based on a particular situation or maybe even poking fun on an individual, is to make everyone laugh, but should it be at the expense of someone else's feelings? Others may not understand the pain and anguish that some people are going through and thus will have no idea what kind of implications their words will have on others. I have mentioned in one of my posts before, words are indeed very powerful. One word of encouragement can give someone the strength to battle through their worst of days and one word of discouragement can make the very same person lose all hope. When you are faced with the worst dilemma that you have ever faced, you would hope that your friends will be standing beside you with their arms outstretched but maybe, just maybe, sometimes they forgot that you are very much the same as them, made from skin and bones and have the same ability called feelings. I understand that sometimes people accidentally go overboard when they joke, especially when you put more than one mighty joker who disregards feelings together. They forget that what they say will hurt and they forget that what they say did not take into considerations what their friends will feel. I know. I was like that but to a certain extent. I know when to stop. I know what not to say. I know that I will not poke my finger into the wound that was gashed so deep that it does not heal and make it worse. I will not want to see my friend who was always happy and laughing just sitting by himself, even if he was on the same table, looking at his knee as if hoping for a miracle of some sort to happen.

I do not speak the best words of encouragement nor do I have the ability to comfort people and succeed but what I do know is that I will not make matters worse. Not intentionally at least. Life is like a roller coaster as they say... soo ner or later, this ride will once more go uphill but until then, I guess I will just have to brace myself and hope that no more shits get thrown my way. It not always rainbows and butterflies, pots of gold and cherry pies but who knows what the future holds. I have always been an optimist. Only this time, I faltered. Standing up never seemed so hard but hey, I am, afterall, Charles.

Made a few purchases lately and maybe a few more soon. Hoping to change my mobile as my phone is, besides being extremely obsolete and shite, it switches off by itself from time to time, ask me to 'insert sim card' when the fucking sim card is already in there and the camera is not working. For a cam-fucking-whore, a camera phone with a dysfunctional camera is like having life support system without electricity.

Got a new wallet from GUCCI. Waiting for the right time to use it.

Bought the 'I Am Not A Plastic Bag' Bag from Anya Hindmarch. As you should know, it was chaos. It was fucking crazy. I have told the stories a thousand times and I will tell it a million more. Woke up at 4.30 am and after breakkie, started queueing up at 6.30 am. The line was already rather long when we reached with approximately 100 people in front of us and those people came to queue up by 6 am. As time passes, more and more people joined the queue and by 10am, the queue was estimated to have more than 800 people, queueing up from south court of the mall right until the north end and up to the next level from the north end to the centre court. It was that crazy. Celebrities came and went and those VIPs got to have their Anya Hindmarch first but it was ok. When we were getting nearer to the entrance of the shop, the security guard came around us and started counting. I knew something was wrong. I knew that they had less than their supposed 500 bags. About after 60 to 70 more people behind me, the guards just cut the queue, put up a sign which said 'Sold Out'. There was an outroar and outroar is definitely an understatement. It was already 11.30 and those, including my friends, who came at 7 am, could not get their hands on one and the management, being fully aware of their inventories I am sure, did not tell those people who were queueing up and just decided to let them wait for at least 4 and a half hours like idiots. I should have known, photographers were taking pictures of the crowd when they were in line and that was what Anya wanted. They wanted the press to show how many people turned up for their bags, at the expense of the customer's time and energy. The crowd began to get rowdy and they were shouting and cursing and pushing the barricades and for us who were there in line, we felt afraid. When it was finally out turn to get into the store, some people from the crowd managed to push their way in and that was the first time I trembled while shopping. The guard were rude. Guards from a company called PRISM. They rammed the barricades towards the crowd and shouted at them. It was Anya's fault to begine with and everyone else was a victim and yet the guards treat them with disespect? Who the fuck do they even think they are acting so high and mighty? They are just security guards for fucks sake. Sales people from Anya were giving out hardcover notepads to the people just to make them feel better but this is obviously to no avail. What the hell is a notebook as compared to being crammed with so many people for the past 5 hours? The guards were giving out the book and got irritated and just flung it towards the crowd. Those were hardcover books. They have hard, sharp edges and could injure someone. I was seriously displeased with PRISM and the guards' conduct only drove the crowd angrier. Those in line, who was curious and just looking got shouted at by the guards. We got in and bought the bags, got out, hung on tight to it, walked to DOME, sat down and finally got to breathe. I asked for big plastic bags just so we can keep the bags in it and not let it show.

So what do we get from a great mall like KLCC? Irresponsible tenants who do not take into account the time and effort of customers and guards who are better off washing the toilet or who should just all lie down and have a steam-roller run over them.... over and over again. Well, this is after all the mentality of a third world nation. What can we all do?

Let's Hug It Out, Bitch

2007-07-04T09:40:00.000+08:00

I have finally shut her up. I have finally ended it. Her constant appearance in my life has granted me sleepless nights and making me feel agitated throughout but it all ended yesterday night. Only one slap. That one slap laced my palm with blood and it became quiet. She was motionless and somehow, I felt no guilt. I slept with ease. I slept knowing that my sleep will be peaceful for the rest of the night. I have killed. When will they learn that it unwise to cross me? After countless attempts to be a good guy, I was forced to do the unthinkable. I know that she is not alone and I will kill as many as it takes to make sure that I will no longer be disturbed. I have had enough. I am keeping a can of Shelltox in my room.

So now moving on with the next story. During my last post, I have said that I will talk more about the event and so I will. The event is organised by NEWMAN magazine to commemorate their 4th year anniversary or their 50th issue. The Undershop is one of the sponsor for their goodie bags and also their lucky draw. It all started in the midst of a saturday afternoon with temperature reaching above 30 degrees. It was hot. It was mind blowingly hot. It was almost a 12 hour party as it ended almost at midnight. I was there in the afternoon and I was there again by 8pm after heading to Darrell's place for a movie of The Hostel II and of course, coffee and air-conditioning as he is regarded as one of the most hospitable guy I have ever known... if you are in his house that is. Outside of his crib, he is just a regular asshole. My apologies, I meant no malice but it's true. We headed to the VIP area and got ourselves good seats thanks to Wern Shen who pulled some strings and smuggled us in before they even open their barricades to the public who is holding their VIP passes. It also helps that he is the emcee for the night and also a senior writer for the mag.

He was the emcee alongside Naomi, who is a DJ at RedFM. Wern Shen did a great job that night, managing to work up the crowd thus making my time on stage easier as the level of interaction between the attendees and the host was high. My slot was right after Camel Active's fashion show and a fashion show is only a fashion show. I opted for something more interactive. I opted for something different. I chose to be a FUCKING GENIUS. I had Q&A. I had crowd participation. I threw 150 pieces of underwear rolled up into a ball and shrink wrapped to the crowd. The reception? IT WAS FUCKING GREAT. I gave out 10 pieces of muscle tees from Skinxwear before throwing mortars of underwears at the crowd. I finally understood why Werny was enjoying himself so much. The feeling of being in the limelight for that brief moment was so great that I wanted it to last. I loved the attention. I loved the way everyone was shouting for me to throw things their way. They wanted my attention. They wanted me to notice their existence. I love that feeling.

All in all, the event was a great success. Not only was the crowd great, the venue was superb and the people who managed the whole event was awesome. Once again, I would like to thank everyone who came, be it before or after my stage time because by you being there, I know that I am in your heart somewhere. Thank you. Those who did not make it, I know that we are all busy but keep your calendar free for my next event.

Special thanks goes out to Wern Shen for his great help. His mentioning of The Undershop on radio is very very much appreciated and somehow made the throwing of the underwear the talk of the DJs for the session thus giving me so much mileage. Thanks to Melvin Chan, Art Director of NEWMAN for being always willing to help me out, be it print ads or be it everything else. Thank you for still helping me out after your barrage of whining and possible cursing behind my back and in my face. Last but not least Michelle, the person who services my account. She is exactly how every person who does account servicing should be. Courteous, helpful, always smiling and willing to take all the bullshits that I give her. Thank you guys.

Ok, now that I have got the 'tengkiu-ing' part out of the way, I have more important things to talk about. It's about life. Life seen through the eyes of mine. I say, let's forget the bad times and lets all embrace a new motto.

Until the next time, take care everyone.

I want WORLD PEACE

2007-06-27T10:14:00.000+08:00

I know I have not been updating my blog and I have a fucking valid reason for it. Well, make it a few reasons.
First off, I am waiting for the event photos that I did with Newman magazine to come in where I shared a few moments of stage time with the very-exposed friend of ours, Wern Shen. During that event... bahh I will talk about it in the next post when the photos are in.
Secondly, I have been a little lazy. Well, ok, a lot lazy but what can you do?
Thirdly, nothing really happy happened to me lately and even if I do post, it will be all sappy and will draw attacks and firing from my dear Mr. or Miss Anonymous. Hahaha that mother fucker is just fucking darn entertaining.

There is nothing much that I am looking forward to except for the release of Transformers, Simpsons the movie, Harry Porter and dinner with those wankers from high school this Saturday. I have dyed my hair red if that's anything worth mentioning about. I did that out of spite. No, I did that out of impulse and it's kinda good. I like it and I will not fucking tolerate any negative comments given by any-fucking-one about it because I will be damn fucking pissed off and dye their hair plus eye-brows red just so I can vent my anger that has been building up in me on them. This of course does not apply to the Anonymous because I do not know who he or she is since he or she prefers to hide behind the curtain of being an asshole... I mean shadow.

Anyways, I would like to thank everyone who told me that they would come and actually made it there for the event. It means a lot to me although many came late and missed my time on stage where I threw undies out to people with their arms wide open. I felt like Robin Hood, giving neccessities to the needy. As I said, more on the event later.

My whole office is under renovation and the air-conditioning is out so please forgive me for my outburst of vulgarities. To you guys who will be there this Saturday, I will see you then. Now for the finale, my final outburst for this post..... AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *cough* HHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... oh well.... until the next time dear brethrens and sisters, boys and girls and that one anonymous who could very well be something in between, take care of yourselves and of course, be happy and let us all pray for world peace... and the assasination of some worthless leaders. WORLD PEACE MOTHERFUCKERS. Ciao.

Illuminated path

2007-06-14T10:30:00.000+08:00

Hello there,

It was never easy to have you in my heart as first,

It was harder to have myself in your heart as last.

I wanted to understand the mechanics of this thing called love. The more I try to find the answers, the more I tried to comprehend, the more lost I became. I have lost all my routes of escape. I fail to understand to reason behind the sharp pain that I feel every morning even after you have moved on to a path leading to somewhere better. I am tired of hiding behind the wine bottle and cowering behind unconciousness. I pulled all my strength together and tried to stand, I always end up falling on my knees at the end of the day. I finally feel how you felt. I finally had a taste of my own medicine, brewed by my very own hands. Things are looking better for you and I am happy. You may have finally found that special someone who will give you all the love and care that you truly deserve. Here, I wish all the very best and that you should get nothing less than what you deserve, which is nothing short of the best. I hope that your new lease of life will bring you all things good. I hope that your new pillar of support will have your back through thick and thin. I hope that you will always be you. That you who will always be irreplaceable.

The centurian post

2007-06-12T10:37:00.000+08:00

Finally we are at the threshold of our hundredth post. With post number 100, I thought that I would either feel ecstatic or mirthless but much to my dismay, I feel nothing. Maybe there is so much more going on in my mind. Maybe my concentration is veered to something with much more importance. Life thus far have been really rewarding for me in garnishing my days with new experiences. My life, the way I have lead it up until now, have always been based on impulse. What I wish to do, I just do and the consequences of my actions have brought me much joy but accompanying that, I have had my fair share of unhappiness. For the past few days or so, I have been living my life in austerity, not wanting to meet up with people and chose to just stay at home and be alone. How often do you see me being at home on a Sunday? This post could either mark the end of a chapter or the beginning of the new but nonetheless, I have come to terms that no matter what this post may mean, it has given enough reflection of my life from the time I began blogging. There were stories of lost and defeat, there were stories of success and victory. I have traveled to many places in the course of the years and I have held different jobs and you guys have been accompanying me along my journey. Some of you left encouraging comments and some left slandering remarks but all is fine and all is forgiven. I have lived my life long enough to know that I am not as perfect as I thought I was. I have learnt to accept the fact that not everything goes my way and not everyone look at things from my perspective. I have learned to pick myself up from where I fall and I have learned that I have every right to celebrate my glory when my chance arrives. I have learned to believe and I am learning to trust. With everything going around with everyone, it is no longer easy for us to get a clear perspective of what we really want. Even when we are so sure of what we wish to have, what we choose to do with our lives, things may have changed due to the consequences of our own actions. We just need to learn how to live with everything thrown at us, be it good or bad.

My life's journey thus far got me many new friends. People have come and go in my life, some stopping for a quick acquaintance and some registered as life long friends. I know that I have my faults and I have offended many and it is now that I wish to extend my apologies to everyone that I have ever hurt in one way or another. I have not been the best of friend nor have I best of boyfriend nor have I been the best of anything just yet but I am trying. Everyone deserves a chance right. Someone special once sent a picture to me with a message which up until today, I keep it close in my heart. It reads "Think of all the things you'd miss if you didn't believe in trying again."

My life is at a crossroad on so many levels right now. There are so many choices that I will have to make. The right decisions will give me everything that I wish to have but the wrong move would cost me everything. That is what life is all about isn't it. Life is about decisions and not only that, it is about making the right ones. I have also come to realise that the right decision may not be the best decision for us but there are things that we must do, things which we must be able to let go for the better of everyone.

Final words from me in commemorating my blog's 100th post, thank you guys for being here and showing me your friendship, love and support all these while. I truly appreciate it. Each and everyone of you played a part in moulding me into who I am today. Be it the bitter me that you guys have seen, to the sorrowful me that you guys had to endure and finally this me. This me whom you guys knew long before my life was tainted with all things bad and certain good. This me who has lived through enough to see things through and make the best out of every situation. This me who is alive again. Thank you.

Reliving the 99th

2007-06-08T10:52:00.000+08:00

This is the second time I am posting up my 99th post. There was a mistake as there was a post which I saved but did not publish. After deleting off that post, the previous post became the 98th thus making this the true 99th. My blog has a chance to relive its 99th post but not everyone gets another chance. Sometimes, things flash by your eyes and when you learn to learn from it and when you learn to regret, it is all way too late. Many of us dwell too much in the past and along the way, making matters worse. Many that I know, ok, maybe 3 couples that I know are in relationship turmoil. Maybe turmoil will be too harsh of a word but to a certain extent, they are having dissatisfaction. They wish that there was something that they could change. They wish that the other half would do something to improve themselves. They do not realise the worth of what they have. They have each other. They have that chance. Chances, I realised, do not come knocking at your doorstep and when it does, yank it in and lock it up.

When you are left in the plains alone and helpless, there's always options.

Many people would go for this option and I have to admit that I was one of them. They... or should I say we, choose to blame everything and everyone around us for that one thing that failed. We blame the situations, we blame the consequences and we blame the people who says the slightest things that makes you feel that they are not on your side. But who could blame us? We are in a state of helplessness. That was what I thought. I thought that I had every right to bitch and whine and sulk just because I became a loser. I began to distant myself from my friends. I began to become paranoid that everyone is against me, that everyone is out to get me. You then realise that people can only symphatize with you for so long before they feel that you are a burden. I have became a burden and my friends around me felt that I am becoming more and more hostile. True friends stayed close but their heart kept a distance. The instigator of your feeling feels that you are being controlling and feels that there is nothing that she needs to report to you. She can even choose to not answer your call or reply your messages if she sees fit. There was nothing I could do. I was at an all time low. I was constantly depressed. I lost sleep and I lost appetite. I was beginning to lose my friends. Once, when I was driving home, I put on the most depressing music that I could find, cried and screamed until my voice became course, took a deep breath, wiped the tears, called a friend and had a talk with her and then went to sleep.

The next morning when I woke up, I felt so much stronger. I realised that I was not being me. I realised that I have became somewhat annoying. I realised so many things. I realised that I have to live my life and I realised that there is too much for me to do. I am glad. I am glad that I got back on my feet. When I look at it again, my friends were always there, people were trying to wake me up from my state of hopelessness, everyone wanted the best for me. Even the instigator wanted me to lead a better life. This awakening has been great tool of transformation for me. I feel rejuvenated and I feel like I can take on the world again. I have regained all my confidence in myself and in life. The good thing is that I have been able to control my ballooning ego and not look down on others as well as looking too highly upon myself. This rude awakening is remoulding me into someone that I never was. I am happy with who I am becoming. I am glad.

To all my dear friends who stood by me, I am sorry for causing hurt to you guys. I wish to thank all of you for not giving up on me.

99 candles on my blogday cake

2007-05-30T15:59:00.000+08:00

In conjunction with the celebration of my 99th post before I hit the three figure bubble, I would like to talk about somethig very general. Life. I know that it may sound boring and bland and so this is a good time to leave this page if you have no time for nonsensical debauchery. Life for me thus far, I must say, have been good and I am grateful for that. It feels like New Year's eve, somewhat as if I have things to say or do before the clock strikes 12 and marks a whole new beginning. In this episode of my life, that could not be further from the truth. There are decisions and choices that I would have to make and changes that I will have to adhere to, be it from myself of from those around me.

Back when I was in high school, up until secondary 4, I have always been the bullied one and I was always patient. I never threw a tantrum at anyone besides that one time when I swung an atlas across someone's face. When we were young, things were so much simpler. We were like a piece of wet clay waiting to be moulded. I remember that there was this once when in secondary 2, Faridz, Martin and I saved a dollar a day in a plastic container, hoping to save enough to go for a holiday at the end of the year. We were young and had funny dreams. Some idiot then broke into my locker and took everything and he even sabotaged my Kemahiran Hidup project. I was pissed but I was still calm.

Secondary 5 forced me to live a different life. I did not even recognise who I was at that time. Besides being ridiculously thin at 59kg, my temper was really whacked. I got into so many troubles and I have chased people around the school field with a shoe in my hand just because they complained when I took away THEIR football.
Things got ugly but that was how I met a new bunch of friends. A bunch of friends who will eventually teach me to do many things for the first time. (Sex not included)

College life was a bucket of fun for me and I resumed my character as I was up until secondary 4. I was a nice kid. I was nice to everyone and many people liked me. Life in college was really great for me as I have somehow gotten myself known by many people and I never had a single boring day where I do not know what I should do to fill my time. I was around many friends. Then the unthinkable happened. Rumours went around saying that I stole my buddy's girlfriend. It's a long story but I did nothing behind his back. All I did was something that he could not do. I cared. Everyone then looked at me with scorn and I was really amazed that people can just take things at surface value and judge me. I saw my friends leaving me and only a few was left. One of them was Wern Shen. I was having breakfast with him and another friend one day and they just broke it to me. It was only then I understood why I felt sidelined. Even my high school friend (he's a pilot now), turned his back on me and said that there were people on his table who would want to whack me during prom night. The transition then began. I became the seconday 5 Charles again. This Charles is scary and would spare no one.

I changed again when I went to Australia and I changed for the worse when I am came back to Malaysia when something happened. I do not wish to even mention about it anymore. I have changed for the worse.

The point of all these is just to say that we have the right to choose the path that we wish to follow. We can choose the hands which moulds us. I am glad that everyone that I have came across, at some point in time, crossed my life because it is because of them, I know who I am and who I can be. I know who I want to be. And i know that I can be that better person. I know that I can be that happier person. Some people choose to hide in denial and some people choose to put on a mask and be someone whom they are not. I am unlike them. My friends who know me will know my transition pattern. They would have experienced the greatest tolerance from me and they would have experienced the worst from me.
I want the transition to stop. I want to stay in the good man zone. Fret not, there will be no masks. Just Charles. Just the Charles that everyone knew from the very beginning.

I was having breakfast alone this morning and I overheard a conversation which got me laughing. Everyone, inevitably will make comparisons. Everyone is guilty of that. It is human nature. When we were younger, we will compare everything from grades to height. When we are grown up, we will compare everything from wealth to girth, boyfriends to diametres. I just wish for you guys to know that everyone is different and that is the greatest thing about individuality. We improve each other.
The conversation that I overheard was between 3 Aunties. I will just call them 1,2 and 3. The conversation has been translated from Cantonese to English by yours truly.

1 : Aiyo, your grandson so fat d hor. Never go out Exercise meh?

2 : Yalorr, my grandson arr, everyday play basketball wan arr. He so thin and fit.

1 : My grandson also same lorr. SO many girls call him at night lar. His mother also scold d.

2 : My grandson also larr. Handphone ring non-stop. Talk talk talk dunno got study or not.

1 : (talking to 3) Your grandson so fat not good larr. No people like wan. Next time no girl want.

3 : Aiyo, what to do? My son very successful and get so much money, send my grandson to "Mei Kok" (USA) to study. There arr, I heard very cold. How to go out exercise. He comes back once a year only marr. My son also tell me he and his girlfriend also 2 years together already. I don't really like when I see the picture larr. You know "Kwai Po" (Foreign Ladies) and I next time very hard to talk one marr. She face white white, hair gold gold. Don't know how to say my grandson d larr.

1&2 : ............ ok.

That was seriously the highlight of my day and it did make my whole day a lot happier. That two aunties just got owned big time. Oh well. Post number 100 coming up. Don't hold your breath for it. Because you will die. And when you die, you will not be alive. And when you are not alive you will be dead. And when you are dead, you are no longer alive. Take care all.

Cupid's Chokehold

2007-05-28T21:06:00.000+08:00

I am currently having dinner at my friend's place. Remember Sheley? She is my best of friend from Mindshaare. Remember Mindshare? That was my previous company. Here I am having instant noodle with Shel and another two of my ex-colleague, Fiona and Sue and they are actually arguing with each, fighting over the tedious task and responsibility of washing the dishes. What's up with that anyway? I am trying to type and finish my food at the same time so that I can pass on my bowl to her. We are here on a drinking mission and Shel happens to have a 1.5 litre of Heineken, vodka and wine.
I actually have something gravely important to share with you guys but the constant singing of the Carlsberg jingle by Sue and the fact that pepper went into Fiona's nose is actually distracting me from blogging. They are singing Cupid's Chokehold now. I guess that I will just have to blog some other time. This blog will document everything that they do until I feel like I want to continue eating. this is the first meal that Shel cooked for me and it's instant noodle. Nothing worth noting since it is just instant noodle. Well, goodbye peeps... I guess it's back to drinking and my dinner. Will update once I have peace and back in my own place. Anyway, I love them.

The complexity of a human mind

2007-05-28T17:33:00.000+08:00

It's cloudy today isn't it?
Looks like it's just going to pour.
Wonder how the traffic will be like later on.
Well, hope that you guys have a safe journey home.
The winds are strong as well so please hold on to your umbrella.

There will always be a point in time when you are stuck in a situation where you do not know what to do and you do not truly understand the complexity of everything. You know that the only complexity that exists in the whole scenario is the human factor and I thought that that would be the least of the problems. Who would have thought that humans cannot control the disaster that we ourselves created. Be it war. Be it feelings. As humans, we always think that things will eventually turn out for the better if not for the best but there are things which will not work themselves out if we do not choose to act upon it. Dilemmas. Things are not always easy just as the oceans are not always calm. What is it that we can do to remedy problems which are already so deeply soaked into the souls of the very one that we are trying to protect? I wish i knew the answer to that. I do not think that anyone has the capabilities to comprehend exactly what goes on in the head... and sometimes heart of another. All we can do is guess. My guesses are always wrong. God is an intelligent being. He created something that even the most advance of technology cannot read and comprehend. He created individual minds. He created individuality. He created each of us to be different.

Differences. How do we actually differ from each other besides the obvious physical outlook that each of us have? Character. That is the only thing. And that is the only thing that we cannot fully comprehend. How I wish that I can utilise more than that measly 5% of my brain. Maybe then I can know what goes on in people's mind. Maybe then I can know what I can do. Maybe then I can finally be sure of myself.

There is always more to life than being who we are. We should always try and learn to be more than who we can be. That way, life will truly be worth living. Life will truly be lived.

The Secret

2007-05-24T09:28:00.000+08:00

I have lost even before I start my battle.

I am currently reading a book titled The Secret and it basically says that you have such cosmic powers that everything will come true for you if you just 'ask for it, believe in it, and receive it'.
I am doubtful but trying it have made me a happier person. It made me smile a little bit more than I usually do. It encourages you to live in a world of make believe and that one day, all your imaginations and fantasies will spawn into your life, making it all real. All you have to do is believe in it. Think of it and believe in it. Sounds easy doesn't it? It's not. How do you imagine or believe something that you know is so impossible? It is indeed really fun to believe in. It is even fun to read as you feel that for everything that you want, there is a chance for you to have it. It's a little bit like religion, all you have to do is believe in it and maybe have a little faith and you go to heaven into the arms of God when you die.

I cannot give you an account on whether it does truly works or not. I am trying. To no avail.

Congrats Leanne and Benjamin

2007-05-22T09:20:00.000+08:00

CY and I went out for a drink yesterday night to meet up with a friend. Main purpose: Meet up with her. Secondary purpose: Collect weding invitation. She has already signed the papers and so, legally, she is married. The whole ceremony will be held on the 9th of next month and I really wonder how it feels like. Leanne and Benjamin have been going out for 5 years before they decided to tie the knot and I am sure that it is not an easy decision to make.

I met Leanne when I was still in form 4, you see, we attended the same tuition class. She, among the three other girls in my class, was closest to me. After high school ended and we moved on to college, technology bridged the distance between our friendship and we kept in touch from time to time. She then went on to pre-university and that was where she met CY and in Uni, CY and I got to know each other. Hard to believe that it has been so long.

Congratulations Leanne and Benjamin. Hope that your marriage will be blessed and showered with love and mutual understanding.

This is me

2007-05-15T10:14:00.000+08:00

In a lifetime, there will be that someone that comes along and change you. My friend told me that. I wonder if that person changed for the better or the worse. I have done so many wrong things. I have hurt so many. Karma? Maybe. Regret? Yes. Repent? Hopefully. I need to rest. I just feel like going off somewhere and stay away from the world for a while. I need to be alone. I don't even have the energy to lash it all out at a punching bag. Everyone sees me as being fine and all that because I always appear to be happy and all smiles when I meet them. At least I try to. That is who I am. I am born that way. This is where the non-smiling me is. This is where I sulk and this is where I show the bitter and grey side of myself. This is also where I get more people pinning me down and where people come out at random to give me another kick. They can do that. That is who they are. Life needs more variety, some weak, some strong, some nice and some with toes stuck up their ass. I sometimes just wish that, just hope that people may look at things from a different point of view. Maybe I need to do the same.

Some friends are for keeps. They try to understand. They understand that I have my faults but they do ask me why I do what I do. They may not agree but at least they ask. They try to understand me. Maybe emphatize with me. They do not judge me, at least not before they know what happened.

After what happened, others have lost but have I gained? What if I lost the most? Would people know? Very few. Life, as seen through my eyes, still have a long way to go. The question is, will you guys stick out your feet to trip me or would you stick your hand to help me? That was rhetorical.

Got Drinks?

2007-05-12T09:31:00.000+08:00

What do you get when you cross Red wine and champagne and whisky?
An idiot pretending to be busy and updating his blog the next day at work.

I have come to realise that I am somewhat very powerful in price negotiations as I have the knack to make sales rep face a dilemma as to whether they should give in to my request and face the possibility of being sacked by their boss for giving so much for so cheap or whack the crap out of me, take my wallet and salvage all the coins that I carry with me (I am a poor kid with no notes in my wallet. Please do not check my left back pocket. Thank you). I woke up with a headache, had breakfast with a headache and came to work with a headache. I proceeded to check my mails with a headache and tried to think of something to type in my blog with a headache. Besides all the headaches, I think that I am still quite functional.

Please just bear with me because I do not even know what the fuck I am rambling on about.
Oh ya, I wanted to talk about how I squeeze the last drop out of those sales reps but I guess that it is not that interesting.
Lets talk about people being bitter. Lets talk about people criticising you and not facing you. Lets talk about people showing up and showing you a sour face, as if you raped his/her dog. Lets talk about people telling a big bunch of crap but makes a turn to tell you how great they are. Lets talk about people who are born rich, born with 20 cents in their diapers. Lets talk about good versus evil.

Oh well, I guess I shall just talk about the last one. Good versus evil. I once talked about how I could relate to the spiderman in the black suit, being stronger, being more egoistic, being more powerful as a whole but those in exchange for having a temper. Having a really really REALLY fucked up temper. A debate ensued and it is said that good always tower over evil. It goes something like this:

Charles : I dun only wanna be king. I wanna be GOD.

Her : Then I wanna be Lucifer.

Charles : My soldier kicked your ass into hell.

Her : So you see, good always triumph over evil.
So you should not be like you are wearing the black
suit because you will be evil and evil never wins.

Charles : Wrong, I am GOD.... with the black suit.

Her : ....................

Sigh.... enough of talking cock and singing song. I will continue to be non-productive and chat with the born rich Clement and the getting-richer-by-the-day Chee Leong.

What a saga...

2007-05-11T09:23:00.000+08:00

Quite a chapter wasn't it? These kind of things happens often on my blog and so as a conclusion, many people hate me, that is if anonymous is not a single person, or many people who likes me does not show their support in anyway besides the few who called and left some comments in my defence. I needed that. I needed someone to push me over the edge and make me lose it once more and it is now that I know, I realise or maybe the more appropriate word would be, I re-realised what drove away those whom are important to me. My temper.

I have written a few posts regarding my temper and I have always said that I would try and change for the better but those were always words. Maybe this time, the moment has really come for me to change. I have more comitments towards my work and there are many people that I would have to meet and if a mere comment like that would bring me down and flare me up, I guess that I would not make it very far. I learnt that being strong does not mean that I have to always be aggresive, always be oppressive. Instead, there is strength in forgiving, in staying calm and in patience. Now I know I can grow stronger. I sincerely try to be a better person.

Slap on the face with a glove

2007-05-09T09:35:00.000+08:00

Dear all,

I am officially issuing a fucking challenge to you fuckers out there who are fucking hiding in your fucking tortoise shell, being anonymous and all that crap. You have an issue with me, come and say it straight to my face and do not for once think that you portray yourself as a noble bastard by trying to step me down on my mistakes because you still are to me, nothing but a piece of flaming piece of shit with miniature balls. Own up you bloody motherfucker. You know what, I think you fuck your own brother just because you are such a fucking coward.

Last piece of advice you son of a bitch, grow some balls and then maybe you don't have to wear that skirt that your mother forced you to wear to school and the bright pink panties with lace since you don't need room for your balls and dick. Reason? You have no balls and your dick is on your head.

One more thing, if you are not a man (literally), please stop being a dumb whore and continue standing on the curb and hope that you get another 12 bucks that you charge per hour you dumb whore.

Come on, own up, I dare you.

Sincerely,
Charles

Love vs Infatuation

2007-04-27T09:24:00.000+08:00

I read Cynthia's blog titled Love vs Infatuation and it made me think for a little while as to how much all of us comprehend what love even means. What is the demarcation of love and infatuation? I have to admit that I still do not know despite all the times that I have been in a relationship. Infatuation could stem from the love of the same song or the dislike of the same colour but it definitely takes more than that to create the sensation of love betwen two people.

Infatuation hits us hard and it often occurs during the first few meets, where people term it as 'love at first sight'. There is no such thing, there is lust at first sight but never love. There is like at first sight and then there is just plain infatuation. I have tried hard to understand but I guess I always screw it up, not being able to differentiate the true meaning behind those two words. On my last post, very little people know what it is all about and thus I can guess who actually put those last two comments. I do not blame anyone. I know that I only have myself to blame.

What the hell is love anyway. Is it convenience? Is it the butterflies in your stomach that you get when you get close to someone? Is it the feeling of wanting to live together for the rest of your life? Is it the mutual understanding and respect and space given to each other? Does all that constitute to being love? Honestly, I do not know. To be in love, I guess, we have to fall in love, and falling in love takes time to understand each other and accept what the other party has to offer. I have always been straight forward with my feelings when it comes to my blog and I guess that there is no need hiding as everyone miraculously know what happened to me in the course of my stay in Melbourne. I do not wish for sympathy or anyone to understand me. I just need 'you' to understand. I just need 'you' to know why I did what I did. I know that I have been cruel to you and what I did was indeed selfish but is being selfish always wrong?

You asked me for a reason as to why I did what I did. It's the feeling that hit me so hard that I do not have a clear and undistorted view of what the future will bring for us and I do not want to continue dragging you down this path. I am trying to be rational and fair but all I get is judgments and criticism from people. Tell me this, should I drag on something which I know will not have a happy ending? Is that a noble act? Will that make me selfless?

There will be no more posts for quite some time but that is rarely the case is it not? I do not know what I wish to achieve anymore and for everyone who cares, thank you and for those who do not understand, try not to because I do not as well. Take care everyone.

To those who wishes to lash out at me, feel free. My blog has always been an avenue and platform for people to tell me how much I suck. Only thing that I ask for is for you to leave your name so maybe the next time I see you or hear from you, I can ask for your forgiveness and maybe even tell you why I did what I did when I truly understand the whole situation myself. To all my friends, try not to accuse me for being an ass if you wish to only hear one side of the story.

To 'you', I am sorry. Do not for an instance think that I do not appreciate what you have given me. Maybe they were right all along, I am a sucker for losing out.
To my friends who still, maybe, kinda, hopefully, doubtfully have my back, thank you. For those who thinks that I am an asshole, please take care and hope that you guys will be able to see things from a different side.

.....................................................

2007-04-24T09:14:00.000+08:00

There are days where the sky seems darker than usual and you get totally engrossed by the feeling of being lost and the great sense of uncertainty that rains on you from the clouds that should be white and cotton-like. The sky stretches to infinity and as far as the eyes can see, the dark clouds have encompassed it all, your vision is blurred from the droplets that hang to your eyelashes. Your eyes become heavy and with a jerk you wake up. You breathe a sigh of relief but only to discover that you are still where you are.

For every darkest day, there will be a brightest minute, a tiny ray of sun that penetrates through the thick merciless dark clouds. It would be the only source of wamth, the only good thing in that situation. I am looking for that ray and even if I could find it, I need to decipher what it means.

Thank you for all the times you shared with me. Good bye. Take care. I hope we get to meet again. When we do, I hope that it would be with a smile and with no reflection of that dark cloudy day.

Just for the fucks of it.... I mean the fun of it

2007-04-23T09:59:00.000+08:00

I got this in my e-mail from a friend of mine and it's kinda funny so I wanna share this with you guys. Maybe you guys have already seen it somewhere before, and for those who have not, please do enjoy.

MEN & WOMEN EQUATION

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employe e = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________
SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he
needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item
that she doesn't need.
_____________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until
she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future
until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more
money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find
such a man.
_____________________________

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must
understand him a lot and love him a
little.
To be happy with a woman, you must
love her a lot and not try to
understand
her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single
men do, but married men are a lot more
willing to die.
______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he
will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that
she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any
argument.
Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU
ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at
weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the
same thing to them at funerals

Barley III : The Final....... whatever larr

2007-04-17T09:59:00.000+08:00

Hopefully, this will be the final installment of my Barley posts. From where I left off, I was supposed to include the pictures of monkeys, monkeys being friendly with me and monkeys attacking me, so please do enjoy.

Come here monkey.... eat this LSD

Give me more of that shit, you human

Monkey: Is that two little bananas on your hand??
Charles: Just dun fucking bite me you son of a monkey

Ok, I know that the third picture looks stupid, I admit that but I was fucking scared so just shut the hell up and let me live with it with deep regret and remorse and have myself hide in the corner of my room with a blanket over my head.

Tanah Lot was the next destination. The view in Tanah Lot was really picturesque, not the market itself of course, but the cliff and the sea and the sun. The weather then was great, it was a little cloudy and thus providing us with the much needed shade and the cooling breeze was so welcoming.

The saddest thing about that day was that we could not watch the sunset as it was too cloudy and in the market place, Reagan, my colleagues and I got ourselves fake tattoos, wanting to pretend to be macho and all. Some of you have seen it and some of you have not but it is almost all gone now. All faded.
I am really sorry that this post is getting boring, something happened and just spoiled my mood so I guess that I will just post up the remaining of the pictures.

Just thought of ending my post with one of my favourite pictures. Well, that sums up my trip to Bali and there are many more things that I actually wish to share but not in this post. There are many funny images and such which I will put up in due time. I know this post ends rather abruptly but I am just not in the mood so please do forgive me. For the guys, I hope that picture made up for it and I think just to be fair, I need to have something for the girls as well and so I will post up a picture courtesy of my brother....

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Barley Part II

2007-04-16T11:47:00.000+08:00

I did not freaking know that blogger had a limit as to how long the post could be... well the previous post covered day one and day two. That night we stayed at a hotel called Kuta Paradiso, apparently a 5 ***** hotel but it looks shoddy, it looks like a has been 5 star but the good thing is, it is located right at the heart of Kuta city.

Third day was a blast, we had so much fun that we did not wanna go home. It was such a great day with perfect weather and the wind was blowing through my long hair making it dance with the breeze. Then I woke up and realized that I was still on the bus towards our destination and my hair was short. Third day was indeed better than the previous days due to the fact that we went to Turtle Island and also to a place called Tanah Lot, and a scary place filled with monkeys roaming the grounds freely. Turtle Island, as you may have expected, is an island with turtles, in captivity of course and Tanah Lot is a place where you play hard to get.

Let me break it down for you. The trick to have a successful bargain is to fucking push the price unreasonably low and sometimes, you get the deal. I shopped around and they were selling those funny bracelets made from wood and such. They asked for Rp8,000 which costs approximately Rm3.20 so i offered her Rp6,000 which is equivalent to RM2.40 which I think is worth the money and so I took 3 of it, for Rp6,000. As I said, you have to push the price ridiculously low. I bought a pair of earrings which costs about Rp200,000+ but after a little bargaining, I got it for Rp7,000. Crazy? You got that right. Now, the place filled with monkeys, and I meant that literally, not as a metaphor to describe my colleagues, was a scary scary place because a monkey fucking bit me. Yes, it fucking bit me and if it wasn't because that the place was swarming with those unevolved primates, I would have already kicked it's ass back to where it belonged, probably Bali but the point is, I will kick it's ass. Pictures coming up.

It did not turn into a princess

TMNT

My brother takes lousy photos

Kinda cooling to have a snake around your neck

Eighty cents coconut

Monkey place was next and it was scary. Lets just say that they bite and they attack.

I would have to continue some other time due to some problems with blogger. I am not able to upload those photos for the time being so I think it will have to wait. See ya and hold on for part III.

I wanna be a part of it......Barley Barley

2007-04-13T10:53:00.000+08:00

Hey ya'll, I'm finally back from Bali and although it may be a shopping haven and a holiday paradise for many, it barely cuts it for me. The weather was catastrophic I could barely breathe, the sun gave me constant migraine (or maybe the massage, I don't really know) and the rain gave me cough and flu. It was bloody indescribable even though I just described it. The only good thing about that place is the beach. The only good thing about the beach was the people. The only thing good about the people was that they dress very skimpily, what did you expect, it's a bloody beach. Anyway, the trip started well as me and my brother arrived later than the rest of the group due the the difference in flight schedule but it was all good.

The first resort that we went to was excellent and it looked really good. It was a 3 star hotel but the feel to it was great. There are two swimming pools and due to the reason that it was night time, the lighting created an amazing romantic atmosphere. It was called the All Seasons Hotel located towards the outskirts. Our room had a balcony overlooking the swimming pool but sadly, there weren't any ladies doing the nude swim and not even a single one moon bathing in the nude. What kind of country is that? It does not make sense. How can they not swim in the nude and moon bathe? How can they have the heart to not feast my eyes?

After dinner and a shower, we went out for a stroll. Cigarettes costs us around RM4 and the same goes for a big bottle of Heineken. The stroll was a pretty mundane one until I came across this place and honest to god, there are so many people that crossed my mind when I saw it. I will admit that I will be a part of it. Aptly named for all my friends. Fingers will not be pointed and names will not be mentioned but you guys know who you are exactly and if you don't, just ask me if you are in that list you fucking posers.
The local beer there was not that bad and I can only remember two, one which I tried and the other which I tried before, Bintang and Bali Hai respectively.

The second day came and we did a few things, nothing much to shout about. We watched one of their cultural shows and it struck me so hard that all of the characters portrayed looked fucking evil and scary. I have no idea if it was a depiction of their ghost or just a metaphoric representation of evil but they look scary and towards the end, they tried so hard to add in some comedy, it turned out to be something close to what we would expect from Senario. A bunch of idiots being try-hards. The only thing funny about them was them looking funny and sadly, I did not mean that in a good way.

Bloody disturbing ain't it? I would have whacked the shit out of them if I ever did see them, or maybe I would just faint and crap in my pants either way, none is good. We also went to a factory that produces batik and has an array of paintings on display but of course, none of that crap captured my interest. Batik? Paintings? Fucking hot weather? I think I'd rather have a beer and a couple more beers. Hey, what can I say, beer is cheap, did I also mention that beers are good for rehydration? I made that up but just shut up, I did not ask for your opinion.

People working on Batik... boring

Paintings.... boring

The best sight to look at in that place

We then headed for lunch and then to a place where they sold sculptures and small souvenirs somewhere along the way. The items there were kinda catchy, those that I liked, I could not afford and those that I could afford, I would rather spend it on more Bintang beer. Where we had lunch, it overlooked one of the biggest volcano in Bali and no, it did not erupt. I forgot what the place was called because I seriously don't give that much of a shit regarding volcanoes unless of course, I saw smoke coming out from it's peak, then I am sure that somehow the name of that place will be stuck to my mind, for a very long long time. Lunch, as always, was buffet style and by buffet I do not mean anything close to Shangri-La standard, think more along the line of Kayu Nasi Kandar. Later that evening, we went to a temple where people, ladies included, stripped and took a dip in some sort of spring water clad in nothing more than sarongs and maybe their bras. Did i mention that more than 90% of their population are made up of hindus? The dinner was memorable, not because of the food but because of the place and setting. We had dinner on the beach where tables were set up and the source of light was from the moon and candles on the table, and of course to spoil it all, there were the fluorescent from the main restaurant itself. Oh well, nothing is perfect. Pictures coming up.

The Volcano... Quite nice view

Sculpture of one of their myths

One for the ladies.... also a myth I am sure

At the entrance to the temple

Cleanse yourself off your sins you sinners

Another Temple, another entrance

In the cave ya'll

Dinner with mum and dad

Daydreaming...

2007-04-02T10:00:00.000+08:00

Where does creativity stems from? Is it a gift that some of us are blessed with since the day we were born? Can creativity be cultivated through exposure to comics, cartoons, novels, magazines and other mediums of communications? If it was like that, it is not creativity anymore is it not? We get hit by creativity in the strangest of manners. In my line of work, there is little involvement of paperwork and time spent in the office. My job is to think, propose, plan and execute. Easy? I wish. What if I have no ideas? Then are there any promotions or events that will take place? What if my planning go astray? Will there then be anything going on for my company? Nope. Many people told me that I have an easy job because they see me out very often and that is true. What they do not see is my time spent in the office and the gruelling hours of meeting that I have to attend and chair. In order to do what I do, I have to be able to churn out ideas for promotions and event for the whole year. I have to seek out sponsors and persuade them to part with cash or products for the little thing that I could give them back which is termed advertisements and exposure. Back to creativity. Some people are hit with their best ideas in a drunken stupor and some just right before they sleep. Some hit their peak ideas when they are sitting in the toilet and some when they are daydreaming. Mine is the latter of the latter. I daydream a lot and to those who knows me through and through, I will come up with random explanations and descriptions of events, to bullshit to my friends.
You can ask me what is the story behind April Fool's day and I can tell you that the story actually takes place 3,ooo years ago in a tiny village in Italy called NuakNuak. People there are very cautious as they are deemed extremely superstitious and there is this one day when a man called Alfie proposed to his neighbour, whom by this time you should have guessed, named April. He knocked on the door and when April opened the door, he knelt but to his dismay, he did not notice that he was under a ladder and a black cat just ran between his legs, being caught off guard, he fell to the side and broke seven mirrors which equates to 49 years of bad luck (if he was living in my country, I do not think that he will see the existence of the so called 'one nation - one race' even until the time his bad luck runs out). That very instance, a storm hit NuakNuak and from afar, they could see a whirlwind coming towards their tiny village. Not realising what is happening, Alfie was hit so hard by a cow that was thrown at him by the whirlwind and he has since became mentally retarded and regarded as the village fool. April felt a surge of guilt and married him and thus he became April's fool.
My mind works in a way where I make things up as I go and that is how I get ideas. I could sit in my car, in a parking lot and just start to imagine how things would be and how the whole event is going to be like. The ideas will always be extravagant and very exaggerated but it does create a basis for me. One of my favourite daydream that I have very often is the thing which I would wish for should I come across a genie. I only need one wish.

Charles: Genie, I wish that everything that I say aloud three times will come true.
Genie: Done. You now have cosmic powers beyond anyones comprehension.
Charles: All genies cease to exist, all genies cease to exist, all genies cease to exist.
Genie: You bitc........*poof*

Think of the possibilities. Think of the wealth and power that you would garner. You could live your life exactly how you have always wanted to. You can have the person you truly love, the house and family of your dreams and your enemies and foes will be transported to a town filled with man-eating trolls and they only have tooth-picks to defend themselves. Creativity does not always involve rainbows and butterflies. I know for a fact because I had to remove one of my entries. Where can I find a genie? Where do I find the magic lamp? Creativity is always very subjective, no right or wrong, no good or bad, just a reflection of what goes on in our mind. I just realised that I would be a tyrant, a warlord and a great friend as I would bestow upon all my friends nothing but greatness. By then, we will all be swimming in Champagne so remember to bring your goggles because it might hurt your eyes.
Some people are just born to think, some to plan and some to execute. I am born to dream.

Bunch of Cocks

2007-03-30T10:44:00.000+08:00

My blog. This is what it is. I have fucking deleted my first entry and as you might have guessed, it is my most recent post, the one about me re-enacting a scene from The Hostel. I have received calls from several just to tell me how sick I am, I have been asked to take it down as it was disturbing and I have friends telling me, during tea, that I am crazy and they are afraid of me. If this is how it is, this is how it would be. The next update will happen when something nice happens to me or when I have something worth mentioning such as how I have REALLY killed someone and not just write about it. If no posts ever comes up, then you guys know how you guys are treating me. Just a note, I don't think that I have been that judgmental to anyone of you guys. Thank you.

I am who I am

2007-03-16T09:18:00.000+08:00

Looking back since I started writing, this is already my 81st post. It is not all that many of a posts, I know but come to think of it again, since the first day I started to share my life and my thoughts online with you guys, so much has happened and it just made me realise how quickly time passes us by. We are all different now. We have grown up and have faced so many challenges and obstacles that we have to endure in life. Ultimately, I would not say that it has made us, let me correct that, I would not say that it has made me a better person but one thing's for sure, life has definitely made me stronger and it is that strength that is feeding my ego and confidence. I have become arrogant and I have become selfish, I admit that and I never deny the fact that there is no one above me as I take my own well-being into consideration first before anything else. Just the other day, I met up with an old friend and lets just call her by the name 'Rachel'. It has been quite a long time since I last saw her and that is why she can be a good judge to tell me how I have changed through time since she was not hanging with me through the transition of my transformation. I asked her as to why she liked me before, the qualities that I had, the characteristics that made her like me in the first place. She told me that when we started last time, I was like a plain piece of paper, still innocent and naive. At this point, many of you guys who are reading this will be laughing and honestly tell me, was I not someone like that? Trust for me was not something extremely valuable before and so I gave it out to everyone, every single one. That piece of trust that consists of only five alphabets have had caused me so much disstress before and it was from there, paranoia, doubt and stereotype enveloped my life, as a form of self defense mechanism if you will. She said that I have changed, no longer the Charles that she knew and if given another chance, she would not wish to be with me again. Comments were based on my temperament, my ego and my distrust in everyone. Everyone changes so there's not much of a surprise there but mine has been drastic. For those who knew me long before I am who I am today, you guys know how I was like. Is it not funny how people around you can mould you to become someone that you yourself are afraid of? I have been made this way by people around me and honestly, I am afraid of myself because what I lack now is self control. I am afraid that I might do something that I might regret later in the future. Vicky commented about me as well, saying that I will blow up just because of minor issues, that I will react in anger even if someone rudely cuts into my lane while driving. Is that not good? Will it be better if I keep it all inside and try my fucking hardest to suppress it and when it fails, I fucking erupt and the aunty that is half blind who just renewed her licence and who just cuts into my lane without her indicator signal will get the beating of her life, her legs broken and her throat punched repeatedly? I didn't think so. So when I have minor anger burst, just let me be and everything will be ok. When I have major anger burst, stay away and just let me be and everyone will be ok. I actually wanted to write about movies and how it will apply in our lives. I wanted to write about how I would torment and kill the other person if there was such a thing as The Hostel. Maybe in my next post. Cheers guys and have a fuckinglicious weekend.

Pig on my butt

2007-03-14T09:54:00.000+08:00

Maybe it is just me. Maybe it is just my paranoia acting up again. Or maybe I just need to wind down a little bit and go take a dump in the middle of the dessert and hope that my pile of shit will start creating an oasis. I know my shits won't bring about any good besides the fact that I contribute a little bit more to the toilet paper and water expense. Due to sensitivity and restrictions on my own behalf, this post may just very well turn out to be 'just another post'. Or it may not. Lets see.

The past few days has been somewhat of an emotional roller-coaster for me and I am beginning to hear stuff like "Oh my fu*king god, Charles is gonna start whining and bitching and get all wussied up talking about emotional stuff which is gonna turn this whole post into an emo post". Not so. This post will contain serious matters in which I wish to share and discuss with the people I know and those who do read my blog and hopefully each and everyone can contribute their ideas to actually help me solve a problem that I have been facing for the past few days and maybe, just maybe, you guys can help me rid my problems off me. How the hell should I bloody style my hair so that Cindy won't laugh at it as if she has seen a baby elephant coming out from a giraffe's ass? My god. Anyways, I have not had the priviledge to actually post for the past few days and this is due to the reason that the internet connection in my office is trying to act like King Xerxes ( which is like a pussy) and deprive me of the oh so very important internet connection that I need. The crew somehow manage to stick together went through the worst of times and this does indeed brings joy, very much of it, to me. Just a few days back, I thought that this would be the end of everything. To you guys, we have started out together and stuck to each other since, we have grown a little in number, everyone close and dear to us were added into the group and now I believe that we have that bond to tie us together. Lets stay this way shall we? We may be small in number but adequate in love and care. There may be a little unfairness in the distribution amount of love in the group and that is acceptable. For example, Cindy does not love me all that much compared to..... because I have a funny hairstyle. But all in all, I know that she still loves me and if you see a next post from me, it is confirmed that I am somewhere in her heart because she has not come to with with a sledge hammer and a chainsaw. The original click five has begun to morph into something which resembles LMF (LazyMotherFuckers) in terms of number and the language used.

I have something funny and disgusting to share and do not worry, the two stories are not related. First off, the disgusting story.

I was having my breakfast and there was a baby roach in my fucking noodle. Ok, now moving on to the funny story.
Just two days ago, I went to my gym and firstly, I will admit that I do not pack my own gym bag and it is all done by my maid whom Darrell totally digs and hopes to have sweet, passionate sex with. Anyways, I got changed and went for my workout and there is so much that you can learn from the idiot box. I was on the treadmill with my headphone on and my eyes fixed on TV number 5 which was showing The Simpsons. Ned Flanders' sons, Gay Flanders and Fag Flanders asked theid dad a question and I FUCKING BEG YOU GUYS NOT TO BLAST ME BECAUSE I AM JUST SHARING SOMETHING THAT I LEARNED. I AM NOT TRYING TO STIR UP RELIGIOUS OR RACIAL ISSUES. The conversation goes something like this:
(They were trying to act out a scene from the bible)

Gay : Dad, if Kane and Abel are the only children of Adam and Eve, how did they have more babies?
Fag : Did they have babies with their mother?
Gay : Or with each other?
Ned : Speak of no more sins Gay and kill your brother.

And so there we are. Oh fuck... OK that was not the story, I got sidetracked, back to the story. After my gym session, I went to take my shower and it always feels good to have a hot shower after gym as it relaxes you. Then came my horror. When I opened my bag, I saw a pair of fresh, bright red underwear and as a cherry on top of the scoop of chocolate sundae of embarassment, there was a print of a pig at the right butt cheek. I had no choice, I walked out of the shower donning the bright-red-underwear-with-a-print-of-a-pig-on-the-right-butt-cheek and walked towards my locker, heads down. And if you guys are wondering, both heads are down. It was embarassing. I know that people were looking and it was the most awkward situation that I have been in since I went to gym.

That's it for today boys and girls. Cheers.

In the spur of the moment

2007-03-06T09:26:00.000+08:00

Many things are done in the spur of the moment and we tend to regret it for a very long time. It does not involve kerosene and a match on a roof or a kitchen knife across someone's throat or a nail and a hammer and someone else's eyeball but something less serious but nonetheless hurtful. I am talking about infidelity. In the spur of the moment, the action taken may seem so trivial but the consequences are indescribable and downright hurtful that is enough to make you regret for a long long time. I do emphatize with both the victims, yes, both of them are victims to consequence. Infidelity, stereotypically speaking, often occur with the man being found guilty, awaiting death sentence with his head on the guillotine. I, on the other hand have experienced the reverse situation whereby the lady is the guilty one and I will not state who out of respect for her reputation or what's left of it. The people that I know are not all that bad and yes, maybe some of us have been labelled 'playboys', ok, everyone in the group that I hang out with ARE labelled playboys but how far is it true? We may be a little bit of a philanderer but besides being a little bit more crafty with our words, we rarely do wrong to the people that we are with.
People may say things like "You deserve it." or "He who plays with fire gets burned". It may be true but there are times when guys become a little vulnerable and falls victim to emotions. Rationale no longer holds control and when emotions takes over, it is usually when the wrongdoings of 'spur of the moment' happens. It may stem from true feelings or purely infactuation but what has been done has been done and when it cannot be saved, we will have to face the music, be it the guillotine, be it the gas chamber, be it the steamroller, let it come and when it is over, there will be a new beginning.

*Post is not about the author or anyone in particular. Any similarities to anyone, dead or alive, are pure coincidences.

Professor Charles

2007-03-02T10:12:00.000+08:00

There comes a day when we all realise that we have a beast living inside us. It is just a matter of time before it surface and momentarily take over our conscious mind and make us act like how we would never normally do. Even my dream was laced with violence. In my dream, I had a fight, and that fight was with a friend, I do not clearly remember the cause but there was a fight. I woke up feeling like shit, thinking that it was impossible for me to pick a fight with a close friend of mine. I dare not promise that but as I said, I think it is impossible. I have been proven wrong and it was there I shall learn to control.
Every single one of us enjoy some form of violence. It's true. Violence make people excited, it makes people happy and it energizes. Some people enjoy watching wrestling where people inflict pain on each other and although it was all planned and maybe even choreographed, but the image that is being portrayed and sent out consists of nothing but violence. We all remember scenes and clips from America's Funniest Home-videos where there are kids swinging a baseball bat straight into the balls of their father and we found that amusing. In other words, we find pain amusing. It is nothing to be ashamed of actually. That is how we really are. We are violent creatures and that is why we are on top of the food chain.
In reality, our mind is segregated into three different categories which is the Id, Ego and Super-Ego. Id is the primal state of mind where there is no control over anything. Basic instinct, immediate response and reaction for a given situation, those all fall under Id. No restraints, no conscience involved. When you feel like you need to shit, Id tells you to shit. Then there is ego. Ego is the reality that is imposed on the Id. It takes into consideration many things such as other people's wants, needs and feelings. When you feel like you need to shit, your ego tells you that you need to take off your pants and not shit in it. Super-ego is the phase where ethics and morals and conscience and all those things come in. When you feel like you need to shit, your super-ego tells you to go to a toilet and shit and not make too loud a noise because that would be disturbing and cause distress to others.
The reason I explained all that is because, besides the fact that I can, I wish to point out that there are ways that we can block out ego and super-ego when the emotions becomes too overwhelming. When you get too angry and disstressed, your ego and super-ego will be turned off and you are left with your Id. What would your Id tell you to do when you are very angry?
I don't know what's my point of writing this entry but just felt like it.
Cheers.

CNY- short post of no significance

2007-03-01T10:15:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year is almost over and there comes a time when we say goodbye to celebrations, holidays, excessive drinking and gambling like a high roller. I always look forward to Chinese New Year but it is mainly because of the holidays and the red packets and the way i look at it is all wrong. I am no longer feeling the mood of festivities but instead only the little perks that comes with it. Chinese New Year no longer bear the meaning that it used to, that is to me at least, all I know is that it is the beginning of the new lunar year. I drank, and I drank a lot. I gambled and there were so many ups and downs but all in all I lost. I lost fucking 5 bucks. I am not in the mood. Not this year. I am not even sure about the determining factors to me feeling this way. Maybe it is because I am already grown up and all these do not play a significant role in my life anymore.
I remember that when we were much younger, we all sat in daddy's car on the first day of Cinese New Year and drove to my uncle's place and we would stay there from morning til night where our dad and uncles will be playing mahjong and mum and aunts will be chatting and the younger ones will be drinking (soft drinks and packet drinks) and mix around, a once in a year activity. But now that everyone has grown up, we still go to my uncle's place but in a few different cars as we will head of after a spending a few hours there. The meaning of Chinese New Year and the purpose of it has diminished as we age and there is only so much of it left which is not superficial. Meeting up once a year and having to go like " Wah... long time no see, how are you?" while smiling like a fucking buffoon when you know that deep inside that neither side gives a shit. You have your life and I have mine, or I would like to believe that I do.
Nothing really significant happened except for that one time that the explosives that we set off went sideways and if we were any luckier, it would have given a chance to one of the tenants in Sierramas to renovate their house. I don't even know if this Chinese New Year has been a happy one. I cannot be sure. There are so many things that I am no longer sure of anymore. I am not even sure of myself. Again, I am lost. I have developed an addiction to have my fist on people's face.

Valentine's Day and the Car Door

2007-02-13T10:40:00.000+08:00

It's that time of the year again when that small little fry with his little wings and his tiny bow and arrow start to shoot people with his love filled heart shaped arrow-heads. That small fry is the Cupid that we see so much in comics and cartoons and from watching the Hercules series last time, I learnt that he is the son of the goddess of love Aphrodite, pronounced as Afro-Die-D. That arrow that he fires usually come with a great price tag and has the ability to burn many many things. Burn past hatreds, bad memories and a fucking gigantic hole in your Gucci wallet. The reason why we celebrate Valentine's day is just to justify to the other party that during Valentine's this year, he or she has been chosen to be the special one and in turn hope that he or she will be the one you celebrate with every year. In my thorough research, Valentine's day is actually created by someone called Santa Claus and he used to be a florist and he thought to himself one fine day, "How the hell am I going to try and rip off those suckers to buy my flowers at at least ten times the price? Ah ha, I know, I will create a day to celebrate love. Those who does not celebrate it will be seen as un-romantic fuckers and will get bitch slaps and maybe get dumped." Now that we know whose fault it is, I suggest that we abolish this stupid day where everyone is out to rip you off. To celebrate love, everyday is a good day, why just February 14th? Does celebrating this 'love' day even prove that you love that person? February 14th makes is compulsory, makes it mandatory, makes it an obligation even for you to even try harder than you always do to prove your love to that special someone. Does it all not seem so fake and fucking superficial? What is the point of creating a day for you to prove that you love that person more when you can do it any other day or when the occassion is right, when the time is right, when the moment is right, when the setting is right, when the mood is right, when the music is right, when the lighting is right, when the car seat is adjusted just right, when the climax of the movie is right, when the schlong in your pants is parked right? What if you are in the middle of your Valentine's dinner and you suffer from stomach discomfort and needed to shit badly? Would that not spoil the evening?

I ran a promotion for our own retail chain called The Undershop to celebrate Valentine's day and it was aptly called The Undershop Valentine's Day Promo. I don't want to over-complicate matters because I know that there are many not-so-bright people out there and hence the simple and straightforward tagline. It is a promotion that I feel is very special and attractive but the whole things is ruined by those overpaid-lazy ass- motherfucking- asshole promoters who did not do as they were told. What I tell them to do, they must do. Why? Because this is my promotion and I am a higher ranking dude. FUCKING ASSHOLES. I do not abuse my power and my authority but when they do not do as they were told and fuck up my whole promotion, I am bound to be pissed off and when I get pissed off, it is never a pretty sight. I have fucked them up nicely a few times and yet they are not doing anything. My next step, fire all those motherfuckers and yes, I dare say so because I have the influence to make them all get fired. Bastards and whores. Ok anyway, the promotion was that when you buy RM50 and above in a single receipt, you get to have your picture taken with your partner and posted in front of the shop and at the end of the promotion, 3 couples will be chosen as the winners (by me), and will have prizes amounting up to RM2,800.
They will first have to collect their Smart for Two where they will get to drive it for a week, then go for a free haircut by Michael and Guys in Times Square, then go get their free clothes amounting up to a thousand bucks per couple from Philosophy for Men and Salabianca. Then dinner will be at Mojo in Asian Heritage Row. The whole idea is to create a hassle free Valentine's day for three lucky couples and they are lucky alright.
I remember that I wanted to say something in the beginning and I just lost it. Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day to everyone out there and go ahead and splurge your salary away.

Oh ya, now I fucking remember. As usual, my temper has been a source of many of my problems and I punched a fucking taxi not too long ago. It was a funny incident. I was driving and those cars coming out from the left and wanting to cross over to the other side of the traffic was blocking the drivers (me) who wanted to go straight and they are so inconsiderate that they have the knack to block a smooth flowing traffic just because they are idiots with an IQ of a fucking cat with it's head smashed by a sledge hammer by some demented kid who looks like that fuck face from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. After the two idiots passed, I was already damn pissed off, this fucking taxi just sped ahead and blocked the traffic again and I almost crashed into him. I did things the civilised way and honked and he showed me the "what fuck?" handsign, the one with the back of his palm facing me. If he was not civilised, then I shall not be one. I got down the car, walked towards him and motioned for him to come out. He looked scared, that I am sure and he just ignored me. I love attention and since he is not giving me any, I punched his car door and he finally got to drive away. Lucky bastard. I went back to my car and my knuckles fucking hurt. It was in pain for 2 days. God damn fucking car doors. God damn fucking taxi drivers. FUCK LARR.

Happy Valentine's Day everybody. Have a fucking good one.

Smoking a dead dog's vomit...

2007-02-05T10:08:00.000+08:00

Good morning dearest family members, friends, people who pretend to be friends and also my dearest nemesis, foes and enemies. I have a story to share. (Do not worry, it is nothing like what the title of the post suggests).
A story that started on a morning with clouds of dark threatening the day with rain and thunder. Monday morning has always been the source of despair for many as they dread to work after the weekend. Many people on the other hand long for Mondays as their workplace is the place where they will actually get to feel alive, feel that their productivity brings meaning to their existence and this happens to those who does not have a social life. I have drifted off and I apologise. Let the story begin shall we...

After finishing off his cup of coffee, Charles and his parents went to their respective cars; Charles into his Smart for Two and parents into dad's. Charles finally got the hang of the miniature machine that he has been driving around for sometime now and with the level of comfort that he shares with the car, he controls the semi-automatic transmission car pretty well. Worse than monday blues are monday greys. The cloud hovering above Charles as he peered through the sun roof was thick and does not at all look friendly. It was a dark beginning to a whole new week. Charles has always tried to be an optimist but this surely dampens his spirits but he knows that with the remaining days to come before Friday says 'hello' again, he has got to stay strong. The traffic, as usual was a drag. He wound down his window, lighted a Marlboro Light and took a long drag. Up until now, he still does not know what's the great thing about smoking a cigarette but he finds it hard to quit. No, he finds it impossible to quit. He took another drag and inched his little car forward. The radio was turned up to drown the noise of the traffic but to no avail. He gives up, lean back and closes his eyes for a little while, expecting the cars in front not to move for another ten seconds or so. He soon reaches the roundabout after ten minutes, a trip that will ususally take ten seconds when there is no traffic. Halfway to his workplace, Charles noticed something rather disturbing, there was a blood trail on the road and he knows what it was: road kill. He immediately wound up his window and he noticed the lime green Hyundai Matrix in front of him, hands out, window down, cigarette in hand. Charles wonder how he could stand the smell and and inching forward, he saw it. The animal was unrecognisable with it's entrails all out as if it was giving a free biology exhibition. Judging by the size of it, Charles came to a conclusion that it was a dog, or one big wicked cat but he stuck to believing that it was a dog. Charles looked in front and saw the driver of the Hyundai jerked and somehow struggling in his car. It was getting exciting and Charles decided not to follow too closely, but close enough to get a clear view of what was happening. The car in front of Charles stopped completely and Charles did the same and finally, after sometime of 'jumping' in the car, the man in the Hyundai picked up a still lighted cigarette and threw it out the window. Charles laughed so hard at the sight of what happened and thinking about it made his day brighter. Thinking about others' despair will make you feel more fortunate. Hyundai man apparently dropped his cigarette on his seat and it rolled and burned and caused some pain to him but what happened next could never in a million years be forgotten. The image haunts Charles even until now and makes him feel sick. After throwing the cigarette out, the man noticed that he was right on top of the road kill, poor fucking dog. He did what all manly man would do, he struggled somemore, looking left and right and as if in a trance and asking for help, he seemed very agitated. Through the wound down window, Charles saw a stream of what seems to be vomit being projected out the Hyundai and barely missing the car next to it. He did that a few more times the cars to his right all moved further to avoid getting a free vomit car wash. Charles was not in a hurry and did not bother to change lanes but instead, he sat patiently and watched the man show how much more he could spew out from his throat. Hyundai man finally made a smart decision and moved further up so that his tyres would not be on top of the dog's head and stopped once more before emptying his stomach. Charles, in a funny way, felt satisfied that there was someone having a worse day than him. He feels so much more positive now and it is now that he found his spirit once more to battle through the week.

So now my dearest friends, when you find yourself in a bad mood or in a grave situation, think of those less fortunate and you will then feel better about yourself. Try it, you'll love it.
I need to go and take a dump now and this is just a 'btw-by the way' news, I read somewhere that our Prime Minister Mr. Abdullah BADawi apparently got a yatch or boat or sam-pan which costs approximately USD 8 million? Hmmm. I love my country.

Bush don't know so many things... it's a fake!

2007-01-29T13:46:00.000+08:00

I received this from some whom I cannot remember who and for that I am sorry. Sincerely sorry. I cannot give due credits to the person who sent me this piece and so credits to everyone who reads my blog and bothers even a little bit about my life... or what is left of it. I have had this in my draft for the longest time and I just found it again and so here it is.

In November 2006, President George W Bush is visiting several Asian countries including Indonesia and Singapore.

Bush: Well Condi, is there anything you need from Singapore that I can pick up for you while I am there next month?
Rice: That's very kind of you, Mr President, but no, there's really nothing I need right now from there. But Laura will certainly enjoy the shopping there, sir.

Bush: Ah yes, she's been talking about it. Lee's wife has promised to take her shopping at the newly opened Vivocity.
Rice: I'm sure she'll enjoy a trip to Sentosa too. Especially now that the haze from Indonesia has more or less lifted. Talking of which, you're going to Indonesia too, aren't you sir?

Bush: Yes I am, and while I'm with Susilo Bambang, Laura will visit Acheh and give away a cheque to the tsunami victims.

Rice: How sweet. Would you be dropping by Malai Shia, sir?
Bush: Naw, giving them a miss.
Rice: Don't blame you sir, they have some rough motor cyclists there.
Called themselves "Mad Ram Piss" or something.
They think they're the Asian equivalent of our Knievel. They would certainly scare Laura to death.
Bush: Nah, Laura is made of sterner stuff. But that's not the reason why we're not going to Malai Shia, Condi.
Rice: Oh. Then it must be their traffic jams. They even have monorails that run off the tracks and dangle in mid-air.
And highway pillars that crack.
Bush: Really? Incompetent, that's all I can say. But no, that's not the reason why we're skipping Malai Shia either.
Rice: Oh I know. You don't want to distract the Prime Minister right now, isn't it?
Heard he's getting some shitty stuff from his predecessor telling him off like a kid.
Bush: If Clinton did that to me, I'd personally throw him off an F-16.
But no, that's also not the reason why we're skipping Malai Shia.
Rice: Must be the floods then, sir? It's the monsoon season now and it floods bad after just two hours of rain. Landslides too;

bring down houses but then people there build 4-storey bungalows without approval.
Bush: Naw, the rain wouldn't bother us. That's also not the reason for not going there.
Rice: I give up. Why are you visiting Indonesia and Singapore, and yet not go to Malai Shia, Mr President?
Bush: The reason, Dr Rice, is that I don't want their Religious
Department people banging on our hotel room door in the middle of the
night,
demanding to see our marriage certificate. Now THAT would scare the hell out of Laura....

The Best Post

2007-01-27T10:48:00.000+08:00

I just came up with a fucking brilliant new idea for my fucking incredible blog. Oh my god, I can't believe that it took me so fucking long to think of this. Who the fuck am I kidding. I have no new ideas of any sort. Fuck it. My blog is becoming boring with entries being more mediocre and as a reflection of my life, my blog says that I am a sad pathetic fucker with nothing much going on and thus nothing much to write about. I don't fucking care. I want to pretend that there is so fucking much going on for me. I WANT TO. I HAVE TO. AND BECAUSE I CAN.

Who the fuck am I fucking kidding again. I can talk about work but work should be left in the office. I can talk about politics but I guess that the government is actually fucking people up their arse if you talk about "sensitive issues" such as race, religion, politicians and how the government is fucking up our fucking economy by spending money on things which does not benefit the fucking people of this fucking country. Let me explain why I feel so strongly about this issue.

The government being the great leaders that we, maybe not we but our parents and elders elected, are a bunch of sentimental people who puts the image of the country first. That is why they decided to build a RM400,000,000 palace for our beloved king. There is definitely nothing wrong with that besides the fact that with RM400,000,000 you can fucking build a fucking village and does it, honestly, take RM400,000,000 to build that Istana? My best guess is that half of it or more will go to the retirement fund for a few individual. I am only speculating of course and hope that no action will be taken and that I will not be summoned to court. I like typing down so many zeros. 400 fucking million, that is what I call a worthwhile investment, a chance for visitors to come and take a few photographs outside the gate with those guards on horses and voila, Malaysia will be known worldwide by everyone because the visitors will spread the news that Malaysia spent a whopping RM400,000,000 on a palace so that a few people can stay in it and everyone will be so hyped up that they will call their agent the second they heard the news and get tickets to visit Malaysia just to see it. This will in turn generate publicity for our beloved country and also revenue because foreign monetary injection means expansion for our country's economy and if everything turns out fine, the government will have another RM400,000,000 to build another palace right beside it, but this one's in white and will house our prime minister and his family plus his cats. Malaysia will be the proud owner of the twin tower and the Twin Palace. I can see that our country is moving towards great achievements.

Of course there is the bridge for Penang or some place like that where they will spend many zeros also. This bridge is so great that there are designated areas for people to stop their car and have a view of our beautiful straits of Malacca which truly reflects on the identity that Malaysians have accustomed with over their lifetime, TEH TARIK. Maybe not so bad but something similar. Maybe not similar but we definite see no fishes swimming there and good fucking luck trying to find Nemo in there. What are all those for?

There are mosques sprouting up everywhere as well. I am not trying to stir any controversy regarding race or religion but come on. How many do you need? There is a new one built along Jalan Pudu, as if the traffic there is not congested enough. I wonder how people will get through that area during the Friday prayers. Is the government allowed to build chinese temple or indian temple? Are we not classified as Malaysians? Is it because we are the minority? Oh well. What can I say? I am just a minority.

My point is, there is no point but just that MY BLOG FUCKING RULES AND I HAVE LOTS GOING ON FOR ME. WOOOHOOOO. I love my country. I love you guys. Love me too.

Update:
The comments that I have received actually suggests that I am a racist and if you do read my blog carefully, I am merely stating the inefficiency of how the administration is doing their job and about the unfairness of the government towards the minorities of the nation. I have my fair share of Malay friends and acquaintances and please do not take it the wrong way. In my post, I did not discriminate the Malays but instead, the officials who are Malays and not doing their part for other races. Comments are welcome but please do not, in any way, stir up any racial disharmony among the readers of this blog. Thank you.

p/s: I will reply any comments should there be further dissatisfactions.

A Post With a Title

2007-01-25T10:16:00.000+08:00

The first month of 2007 is coming to an end. January has always been the time where everyone will have set their goals and visions and have a list in their mind of what they wish to accomplish in this coming year, same goes for me. It was never easy for me to set goals for myself, be it for career, friendship, relationship and all the other factors that constantly play a part in moulding my life and make me who I will become. Each of us will set a guideline to follow, a guideline to lead us to where we want to be for the next coming year but very often, things do not turn out the way we initially plan it to be. There are too many external factors or unforeseen circumstances that will plague our way throughout the year and we will just come to the decision to just take things as they come and make the best out of it.

Throughout the 23 years that passed me by, I have learnt so much just by the company that I am with. Even in this blog itself, so many things revolving around my life have been documented, from my love life, to the failing of my love life, from friends getting married, to friends falling out, from celebrations to the mourning of my grandma's departure from us. I started this blog in 2005 and I don't even remember when the exact date was ( I know that I can check from the date of my first published post but I am lazy), and now, 2 years already passed me by. Maybe 1 year half because I remember that it was somewhen in June or July that I started writing. By comparison, many blogs have already become so damn famous but being a blog where only my friends will view, I am content that you guys still come and pay this blog a visit once in a while. This is where I share the happenings of my life, the ups and downs and the lefts and rights. This blog has opened myself to criticism and verbal bashing one too many times but at the end of the day, those are all words of advice from my friends, telling me to be a man, telling me not to be a whining bitch, telling me that my temper is like the goddess of mercy when she just woke up and found out that her magical water lily transport has been stolen, ( in short, it means that my temper sucks big time) ( Goddess of Mercy is a figure in Buddhism teaching who goes around helping people while staying afloat a gigantic water lily).

This post does not have a specific purpose but I just wish to thank everyone who has stayed with me through all these times. Be it through my blog or staying by my side. I thank you. And it is also one of my new resolutions to forgive and forget everything that has happened. Thank you once again.

Next post, my trip to Hong Kong. There is nothing special about it so lets just forget about that crap. Bye bye

Moving on to 2007

2007-01-12T10:05:00.000+08:00

It is inevitable that the feeling repeats itself each and every new year. The feeling of "Oh my God, another year passed when last year's Chinese New Year was just like yesterday. I could still taste the after-taste of vomit from having too much alcohol in Cindy's house last year February".
Time is something that we cannot buy back and through the passing of time, we are bound to make many mistakes along the way and maybe even hold a certain number of regrets. Turning back time is impossible and thus the only thing that you can do is make up for it and learn. Learn to not make the same mistakes again, learn to appreciate, learn to drive like a sane human being, learn not to want everyone who pissed me off dead and lying in a gutter somewhere with monkeys masturbating and ejaculating on their face just to make them feel lower than they already are, learn to keep friends, make friends and turn enemies into friends. So many things that we can learn but whilst doing that, we should also learn to realise, repent and of course re-evaluate ourselves.

For me, I strive to be better than last year and hope that next year will be better than this year but there are many things that I can only work hard for and many unseen circumstances that I am sure will prove to be a barrier to me but I take that all in great stride.

Fuck it, writing serious matters has never been my forte and I do not pride myself as being a gifted writer but it has always been my platform to say what I wish to say and vent whatever feelings that I wish to vent. My blog will go on running as long as I have feelings, or until something stops me from blogging. I do not know my purpose of writing this post actually but I guess it's due to the reason that I have not updated for sometime and I kinda miss the feeling of people scrutinizing my writing and my life. Well, not many people actually scrutinize my writing but my life thus far has gathered enough opinions and feedbacks to allow myself to label myself under the many unpleasant adjectives that you can come across for a guy.
Ladies, Gentlemen and those in between, presenting to you, the top 10 adjectives that stuck on to Charles since 2006 and all which are based on true events:
1) Player (I know its more of a noun but shut up)
2) Jerk
3) Selfish (One of my favourite)
4) Hot tempered
5) Fat (Another favourite that pisses me off)
6) Flirtatious
7) Ungrateful
8) Disloyal
9) Forgetful (As in forget friends when I am attached and this always ticks me off)
10) FUCKING GOOD LOOKING

I added the last one because I could not find a positive adjective that people used to describe me. This is all too disheartening and maybe it is true. Maybe it is all true that in the eyes of many, I am someone who is like that, who fits the first 9 adjectives above and people will also call me a liar because of adjective number 10. Well, it is a good thing that I learned not to care what people think of me anymore because I don't even want to know how they judge me because I am so fucking sure that most of it will not be positive stuff.

Anyways, I would like to take this chance to wish everyone a Happy New Year if I did not already have because I am lazy to check my previous post and indeed if I already did, then just stuff this down your throat. I would also like to say sorry to everyone that I have offended and just want you guys to know that I am trying to improve on all my short-comings. I would also like to entend a big, warm, sincere FUCK YOU to those who offended me and did not bother to apologise to me but being the "great guy" that I am, I will try to find it in my heart to forgive you. Unless I don't feel like it then you will have to beg me for forgiveness and I will look down upon you, spit into your eyes, stab a pen through your throat and stuff a car-jack through your asshole and start to tear it apart.

My favourite part of this post.... yeah.... New Year's Resolutions:
1) Change the top 10 adjectives decribing me to positive ones.
2) Try number 1 again and again if it fails again and again.
3) Limit Caffeine intake
4) Limit Nicotine intake
5) Limit Alcohol intake
6) Remember number 3 to 5

Happy New Year everyone.... there, another one to stuff it down your throat.

Happy New Year 2007

2007-01-08T09:58:00.000+08:00

This is my first entry in the year 2007 and my year did not start out well. On the first of January 2007, my Grandma passed away and it dealt a great blow to everyone who was close to her. She was 76 when the clock struck 12, when the fireworks lighted the skies and people scream about shouting "Happy New Year" while exchanging hugs and kisses, while some others exchanged blows and punches. Not a good way to start off a new year but in time, we have all come to realise that it was actually better for her as her health was constantly deteriorating and often in pain. At least now she seems serene and tranquil.

She has always been the great grandma that everyone knew. She got along with my friends, my girlfriends, my brothers' girlfriends and friends and everyone who stepped foot in my place, she greeted them with a smile. On the day she departed, many weren't there with her during her last minutes besides my parents and a few aunts. My mum fell asleep around 1.30am when my Grandma was still alright and then it was at 2.00am that my mum got a message from my brother in Australia that woke her up, which was also when she realised that my Grandma was no longer breathing. I was in a club at that time and when my phone rang with 'papa' (my dad) on my screen, I knew that something was amiss. I answered and then I hung up and suddenly it all kicked in. I called my dad again to reconfirm the news and then rushed back home. Many were already there, uncles, aunts, cousins, as I stumbled into my house like a fucking drunkard, trying my best not to cry. I went straight to bed. It was all I could do. I went straight to bed.

One whole week passed after her demise and she is still sorely missed and always thought of. Many came to pay her a last respect and for that I thank you guys. Should there really be a heaven, I am sure she's there. I have seen many tears during the funeral and many self-induced tears at the same time but nonetheless, she is loved by many and even though some may be insincere, being the great person that she was, I am sure that she will forgive.

Goodbye my dearest popo. I know now that you are in a better place without sickness or pain. Please watch over us and bless everyone with happiness like you always did. I never had the chance to say this to you before and although it is all too late, I love you.

I could've killed...

2006-12-29T09:03:00.000+08:00

I have never felt so afraid of myself. I am literally afraid of what I can and want to do in the face of adversity. Two nights ago, I wanted to kill. If I was alone in my car, I might already have. Many people told me about my lack of control over my temper and I do start to agree. I find it hard to believe that I am so far from whom I once was, the person with little temper or fury. I really wish to find out what happened to myself. I am losing control and that is never a good thing.

Let me tell you guys a story that happened two nights ago that not only made me afraid and paranoid of motorcyclist but instead, made me even more afraid of myself. Here goes.

After the launch of the ODM watch party in Zouk, I fetched Vicky back to her place and as we were driving, we were talking about ourselves, past and present. Conversation was not over yet when my car stopped in front of her place and so I decided to stop across the street and park in front of a row of shops, a row of very well lit shops. We sat and chat. Her back facing my dashboard and I stayed put facing the steering wheel. Four people on two motorcycles went pass us and I did not think much of it and after a few moments, Vicky turned to me and said something in the context of “Do not lend it to them”. I was a little lost as it was totally out of context and she was looking straight out my side window. I looked and was rather taken aback that there were two malay guys on a bike right beside me and the assigned rider reached over and tried to open my door. Driving a car with automatic transmission, I shifted the gear to D and stepped on the accelerator and sped off and that was before the pillion rider managed to take a swing at my side door. My assumption is that he wanted to smash my window to gain access to my car. At a safe distance of approximately 200 meters away, I looked at my rear view mirror and saw them staying where I left them. Vicky told me that they made a hand sign of a lighter, as if asking me to lend them one, thus her out-of-context comment. It was then I lost it. And by losing it, I meant I wanted them to die. I took a turn and headed in the opposite direction which means that I was going towards them. Pissed off and frustrated is an understatement and it was then that I wanted to end their life. I have never believed that two fuckers on a bike can survive if my Scarlett knocks them down with considerable speed. I wanted to so bad and I lost all sense of judgment and all I wanted to see was two corpses lying on the floor. Better still, the two guys half dead and I can fucking break their fucking knees with fucking bricks. Better still, their other two friends who might have wanted to try and defend them being in the same position. I sped and that was when Vicky got afraid and held on to me pleading me not to do stupid things. Having the responsibility for her safety, I decided to forgo the plan. I was considerably pissed. She was trembling and trying my best to comfort her, I could not get the image of those two fuckers out of my mind. Driving on, stopping at a traffic light with a few other cars, I saw the two bikes with their lights off in front of me and not wanting to make Vicky worry, I silently stepped on it and wanted to see them fall and skid. They noticed and they took a turn thus ending my chase. I really wanted to bump into them again and so I drove around the neighbourhood but to no avail. Finally, I sent Vicky home and then headed home, always wanting to see them again. Scarlett is scarred. It was this incident that made me realize that I really need to re-evaluate myself. I am afraid of myself. I am sure that with this, others will be afraid of me too. I wanted to kill and this might be the first time I have had this feeling. One of the first at least.

I did not kill and I am fucking glad. What would I have lost if I did? Everything.

But secretly, I wish for them to die. I wish for them to be run over by a lorry. I wish for them to lie on the road bleeding, gasping for air and everything around them turns dark, before another lorry runs over their heads. And a dog peeing on what is left of them, just for laughs.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2006-12-26T09:42:00.000+08:00

It's the time of year again when people dress up in red and go around town shouting "MERRY CHRISTMAS" when the clock strikes twelve exactly on the 25th of December and I suspect that this year is the same as it would be for many more to come. People now prefer to take it to the streets where they will spray passer-bys with their obnoxious cans of cancer inducing, retard inflicting and balls rotting 'fake conffettis or snow or whatever'. They like to redecorate cars, showcasing their talents in graffiti using those cans of 'stuff' and making life great for car-owners as their cars have turned from plain to 'themed'.

I don't even know what the hell I am going on about but MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.

This will be a fucking random post...

2006-12-11T10:15:00.001+08:00

And I fucking mean it. I just need to get it off my chest. I just need to. Sigh... I have no idea what I wanna whine and bitch about so I will just tell you short experiences as I go. I just need to feel as if there is someone that I can talk to, that there is someone that I can have something to express my feelings.

- Dear Ice-cream man, SHOVE THAT POPSICLE UP YOUR ASS YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. It has been a long time since I had ice-cream and thus this line is not directed at any specific ice-cream man.

- After breakfast today while walking to my car, I saw a 20cents coin lying on the floor. There is a chinese saying which goes something like (loosely translated) "Getting a fortune from the ground, You will get nothing even if you ask heaven and earth". It means that you are lucky to have gathered fortune from the ground and thus have good luck. I left it lying beside my car's front tyre. For all you know, that 20cents might have fallen out from my car. Fuck... I will be having bad luck... hehehe SUCK MY BALLS YOU FUCKERS WHO... INFLUENCE PEOPLE'S LUCK.

- I just got an invitation to Atrium on the 20th of this month from Vmag. Located in Asian Heritage Row, it means that I will definitely be fucked if I drink as the exits are always plagued with roadblocks. FUCK YOU BASTARDS IN HELMETS WHO SET UP ROADBLOCKS. But thanks for accepting bribes.

- My colleague sitting to my right handed me a copy of chinese magazine called SISTERS... I wish it was Penthouse or Playboy or Hustler instead. My colleague sitting behind me is fucking someone up through the phone... way to go girl. FUCK YOU THAT PERSON HIDING INSIDE THE PHONE AND TALKING, MAKING ME THINK THAT EVERY PHONE CALL IS ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH CABLES UNDERGROUND OR TRANSMITTED VIA SATELLITE.

- I went to KLCC yesterday night to collect 2 altered EVISU jeans and the fucker just asked if I was Charles and when I said yes, he just handed them to me without having me produce any receipts or identification. Idiot. FUCK YOU FOR BEING A STUPID MORON DUMBASS BITCH BUT COURTEOUS AND WELL MANNERED GUY.

- As I was driving to work, I realised that the traffic was unbelievably smooth, unbelievable as in the existence of a smart George W. Bush, the existence of a pink anaconda with purple polka dots prints with 13 heads and 23 tails, the exintence of smart investment plan by the Maraysian government, the existence of someone who loves me for who I am, the existence of girls without temper and admit to doing wrongs when they did, the existence of good government servants kind of unbelievable. Then I realised that Selangor is having a holiday. FUCK MARAYSIA FOR NOT GIVING K.L A HOLIDAY ALSO DAMN IT FUCKERS WHO ARE UNBELIEVABLY UNFAIR.

- As I approach the last traffic light before turning to my office, the car in front of me stopped in the middle of the road and dropped off her friend. That was not the end of it because they stayed at where they were, with the passenger out the door and the driver looking like a whore, chatting while I was, although the only car, behind her waiting. I waited for a while (15 seconds) before I got impatient and sounded my horn, soft enough to reflect myself being cultured but loud enough to send the message that she was a dumbassbitchcrackwhorecocksuckerasslickerteabagged
gangrapedpubliclygropedheadsmashedonthebasin who should get the fuck out of my way. Her friend cast an unfriendly look at me which I could only politely accept and stare back at her with my not so happy look and if she could lip read, she would have got a message in the form of me saying "chee bye". Then as if scolding me, she walked off and her friend drove off but not before showing me the fucking finger through the window of her pathetic white kancil. I took it all in good stride when I miss my turn and drove up to her and as she drove straight while I took a left, I conveniently found a can of Yeo's green tea in my car and it just magically broke her left tail light. I drove off to another day of work. Funny thing is, she was wearing a tudung and I thought she was supposed to be holy. HAHA WHAT A PRICE TO PAY FOR SHOWING THE FINGER TO A GENTLEMAN DUMB BITCH.

- I do think that I have a problem controlling my temper. So guys, those who were offended my one of my previous post, I apologise. I realise that my temper is bad so if possible, please give me moments to rest and do not aggravate me until I can let you call me fat without me having the thought of fucking smashing your head against the fucking road and drag you face down until the unevenness of the tar road scraped off all the skin from your face. Thank you for understanding.

- I think that today is just going to get better. I hate lady drivers who shows me their middle finger thinking they are some big shot. They are only opening up an opportunity for me to make them cry. Unless they are like Cindy, then I will be too afraid to mess with her but if not, please don't, I repeat, don't fuck with me.

- I shat yesterday and my shit was green. Not in a shade of green but literally green like brocolli. Damn.

Dear Diary

2006-12-09T08:59:00.000+08:00

Dear Blog,

I would like to thank you for being a good listener. There is something else that I want to tell you and please pay attention. 2006 is coming to an end and this means that I will be turning 24 very soon and being 24 is close to being 25 which someone once told me is being in the mid-20s. I find this fact rather disturbing as I am growing older, I am not getting my priorities right. For example, I need to shit so badly now but I am wasting time pretending that I have something to type just to look productive... after all, it is a working Saturday.

Well, the time has come to make a decision but the thing is as I type, I could have easily walked to the toilet, unbutton my jeans and then start doing what I do best which is to crap. This, of course fits the context whether I meant it literally or metaphorically. I could very well be holding a cigarette in my hands and the shit hanging from my asshole right now but I choose to procrastinate. Why? I have no fucking idea. Maybe I enjoy the cold air-conditioning in the office which, to a certain point, torments me immensely as the colder I feel, the more my shit wants to break out from captivity.

Anyway, let me tell you guys a story that once made me laugh like an idiot. And don't ask me why I am doing this and why I feel the story is funny eventhough many heard it and looked at me with awe, thinking that I must be some kind of retard to even find the story remotely humourous. Maybe my sense of humour is failing me. Maybe it is just getting out of control. I need to shit so badly now. I am sorry I digressed. Moving on to my story...

Once upon a time, in a beautiful land called Maraysia, there lived many people in many houses. Some big, some small, some yellow, some blue, some round, some square. Then one day, the Prime Minister of the country scoffed at the previous Prime Minister, saying that he wasted so much money, bringing the country's reserve down. Maybe he was right. The ex-PM spent so much money building the twin towers which is only the tallest building in the whole of the entire of the modern day world during his reign. He also built a F1 track which is only a racing track where racers from many prestigious teams and different countries will come to race and thus making this land called Maraysia known to many. He invested a lot of money into SMEs (Small Medium Enterprise) which has no use except for creating more jobs thus incresing the spending power which in turn will generate a more rapid flow in the economy which will only create more demand for products which will then create more job opportunities which will again encourage more spending which basically means the economy will move and grow. The current Prime Minister of Maraysia has bigger visions. He is sending two people into space on board other people's rocket so that they can make teh tarik and play batu seremban there. That is what I call a worthy investment. He also planned to build a sports facility in the U.K so that the atheletes will get used to fighting for their country in cold weather which is such a noble idea. You never know, they might start having the Olympics or Commonwealth games or ASEAN games or whatever games during winter. It is always better to be prepared as we will then have the upper hand and advantage compared to countries which do not have sport facilities in countries with cold weather. Let's see how Pakistan will win Maraysia in hockey this time. The atheletes will then be the best in the world. Thinking of that makes me want to be a Maraysian. They do not have agendas regarding differences in races as none of the people in the Parliament are racists. In a place called Kerantan, religion plays an important role where people are not allowed to dress sexily and by sexily I mean no body hugging tops and tight jeans, pants or skirts which will eccentuate the shape of women's rear. No cleavage shall be shown and no tops revealing the navel. Talk about smart and innovative implementation of rules and creative introduction of legislations. Sorry, I digressed once again... now moving on to my joke:

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because Sammi Veru built a highway eventhough the construction caused damages to the houses nearby and ignored the complaints made by the unreasonable residents of houses with cracked walls.

Charles has been promoted

2006-12-06T11:34:00.000+08:00

Nope, Charles have not been promoted to be the CEO of any particular company although he can be considered the Director, Manager, Assistant Manager, Senior Executive, Executive, Clerk and despatch for the Marketing and Advertising Promotions Department as he is the only one there. Things have been bad for him lately and something his friends said gave him great concern of who he is or in fact, who he is turning into.

Charles' temper has never been an issue for him, that is until lately when many things happened due to this natural phenomenon that we all take for granted and rarely notice the changes that occur called 'Temper'. Charles have always been someone who is mild-tempered and even though it can be good up to a certain extent, the fury builds and when it is unleashed, it will be a collective of all the anger, unhappinness, hatred, etc all lashed out at a single person and that person will not be a happy person. As Charles ages, so did his lack of control over his temper and he is beginning to lose it. Friends who are close to him told me that he has been very easily aggravated and extremely sensitive lately. Charles really wanted to know if it was him who changed or is it because everyone around him have been so accustomed to him being nice and all and thus take advantage or take his patience for granted. Not many people have seen Charles lose his temper and I guess fewer have seen him lost it completely.

He does not know what is coming over him, maybe he is just tired of being pushed around and after such a long time, things will take its toll and he will eventually be too tired to tolerate everything thrown at him. Charles do not believe that his temper is really all that bad. He does not even believe that many can take all those shits thrown to them like how he could. COULD. Sarcasm has taken its toll on Charles, so did paranoia and so did trust in general.

People are just not used to the Charles who is not keeping everything in. They expect Charles to swallow everything thrown at him with a smile and just laugh it off in the end. So many things happened that jokes were made at the expense of his ego and self-belief. YOU PEOPLE BELITTLE HIM and still say that his temper is bad? Haha maybe you guys are right cos right at this moment, Charles feels like throwing his fucking laptop on the floor and fucking jump on it but that would contribute to the fact that he has a bad temper would it not?

Charles is now therefore officially labelled as someone who has a bad temper and would bitch about everything that moves, breathes and is colour-blind. You know what, I am beginning to agree to what everyone is saying... Charles is a bad tempered bitch. Oh well, too bad for him. Let's all ditch that ill-tempered asshole and go for a beer.

Signing of with a smile, love and apologies to everyone that have felt the drift of his temper brushing past their delicate face.

p/s: Charles would like to thank everyone who pointed out his weakness and promises to wear a mask and become who he is not, but rather, someone people expects him to be.

p/s 2: Charles is doing this as a joke. HAHA x 1,000,000,000,000

p/s 3: Now out in the market with a beautiful console and wicked games. I am just speculating.

Hangover means being drunk the day before

2006-11-25T12:25:00.000+08:00

I am suffering from hangover.
It is bad.
I swear I smell alcohol in my shit just now.
I reached home at 5.10 last night.
I woke up at 7.15 this morning for work.
In short, I am fucked.
Oh ya, I think I am supposed to go to Velvet tonight.
Conclusion, I am really fucked big time.

Wanna know what's weird?

2006-11-23T18:39:00.000+08:00

- My girlfriend does not read my blog

- I was in a cab with a bunch of Japanese clients and the cab driver asked me if they were from hong kong, I told him they were from Japan and he said, " Oh, no wonder they look perverted"

- I was always afraid of heights but since I bungee jumped, I could lie face down on the slanting window on top of KL Tower restaurant

- "For gay sex, ask for Hisham at Information Counter" written on the toilet wall in Concorde Hotel

Sigh... I am just bored.

I will try not to procrastinate anymore about posting up pictures.

Thank you... sorry...don't zap me...

2006-11-22T09:45:00.000+08:00

It has been some time since I last blogged and I feel that I am beginning get used to the fact that I am beginning my posts with this sentence. The past few days have been really bad for me and my family. My grandma is not showing any signs of improvement but instead, she is beginning to show signs that she might just 'leave' us at any time. SHe has been staying with us for more than 10 years and somehow or rather, I have gotten used to having her around. I used to wish that she would sometimes spend a few days with my aunts so that I can have complete freedom because she is a light sleeper. Everytime I come home late, she would know, and somehow sometimes, my mum will get to know about it. Not that I get any bashing or scolding anymore but somehow, I feel uncomfortable, I felt like there was a surveillance camera spying on me. Typing this alone gives me heartache. I wonder if it is because of my grandma or if it is because of the half pack of cigarettes that I smoke everyday. I have seen so much tears lately that I cannot take it anymore. It is becoming frustrating. Seeing her so frail, I just wish that there is something I can do to set things right. I just wish that I can make everything better again. I have never seen her like this before. She has always been a great grandma. She has. I am glad that I am not alone in thinking this way. There are some rough patches along our acquaintance, mine and hers but deep down, how can someone stay angry at their grandma, even for a spec of a second. I want to tell her I am sorry but I do not even know how to say it. There was this morning when I was still sleeping and my brother woke me up, told me that my grandma wanted to see me. I went into the room and she was sitting upright. I went and sat beside her, and aimlessly, she put her frail and weak palms on my hand and trailed it up to my face. It was then I know that her sight was gone. She called out my name and tears just ran down my face. I tried not to sob, not to make her worry, not to burden her anymore but I guess that my tears found its way to her hand. She told me not to cry and everything will be alright. I couldn't. She could not even see me whom she has been staying with for more than 10 years, but I was sure that she can 'see' me. She does not need to open her eyes to know how I look or see the emotions on my face. We have been seeing each other so often, we just know how we look by listening to our voice.

I have been busy, and that is a good thing. It leaves me less time to think about it. While typing this post, it makes me realise how much pain it can cause just by thinking about it.
I mentioned in my last post that I will be posting up pictures of the sceneries in Taiwan, I will make it in the next. Before I end, I just want to say sorry to my friends who asked me out to which I continually decline. It's just that I am afraid that I may spoil the whole evening for you guys. Thank you to my friends who called to care. Thank you to those who came visit my grandma, it really brightened up her day. Thank you to those who could not come but still called to have a chat with her. She has always been the friendly grandma who smiles at all my friends, never once was I shy to bring friends home because I know she is one hell of a happening grandma. I once told a friend about my wish if I ever saw a genie, just that one wish will make me the most powerful being, more supreme than god himself. I will give up that wish just to stop her pain and suffer.

p/s: Sorry GOD, I was just kidding. I know that you are powerful and I can never beat you... please don't zap me.

MOTO POSR - Shameless.... so so shameless

2006-11-09T10:06:00.000+08:00

As I promised... in this entry, I will showcase the pictures that was taken during my trip to the land of commotion due to the leader Chen Sui Bian, the land where Jay Chow made his debut, the land where A-Mei greeted us with open arms while saying "Welcome to Taiwan". You may ask why the title for this post is called MOTO POSR. Motorola came up with many catchy tags for their products such as Hello Moto, Moto Razr and the latest being Moto Krzr... and that is why I came up with a tag of my own which now Darrell and I use so very often which is MOTO POSR. Judging by the intellect of the very few who reads this blog, I am sure that you guys know what the whole tagline is all about. Yes it is about posers and in fact, it is actually about people who are shameless in front of the camera and there are too many people like that that I know of, me being one of them. But I definitely pale in comparison to many many of them. I thought that I took some decent pictures when I was in Taiwan but sadly, there was actually not much that Taiwan has to offer but the thing that I realised was, thanks to the company there, the trip turned out to be great fun.

Well, ladies and gentleman, let the show begin... MOTO POSR.

Taken from Hollywood "Dude, where's my tree?"

At the MRT Station in ShiLin

I choose West

Ma Lat Fo Wo...

Darrell fell over

...

MOTO POSR 1

Acting cute

Acting cute 2

Yummy...

Darrell is Gay

... :) ...

Chee Yaw is gay too

MOTO POSR 2

In Yehliu

MOTO POSR 3

With Taiwan's police

Thirsty

So happy for what...

In the MRT

Outside the MRT

OK... go vomit now

She's supposed to be an angel

MOTO POSR 6 (look at the poster behind)

L.O.L.O.L.O.L.O.V.E

Xi Men Ting

KLIA before departure

There you have it ladies and gentleman... hopefully I can post up some sceneries for my next post. Till then, take care.

THE MAN, The Man, The Boy, The Girl, the girl and the pussy

2006-10-30T10:08:00.000+08:00

The past few days have been a little more crazy than I have expected it to be. I had to be the driver of a few of my dad's Japanese friends as they came in six, me being the chauffer for three and my dad another three. They are actually quite a funny bunch, being amazed at many things that we take so much for granted like barbequed pork ( char siu) and mango sago (sai mai lou). Getting along with them was not a problem at all, that is until they spoke to me. A couple of them have the basic command of the english language but the rest of them spoke in a hybrid of Japanese and their so called english which to me, I just don't get it. They would talk and laugh and I would just nod and just all of a sudden say, "Sumimasen, watashiwa wakarimasen" which loosely means, "sorry, I do not understand", and they will try talking to me in English which is not even english and I would just have to nod or pretend to laugh when they laugh. I stayed up late for many nights just to accompany them as they are our guests and so the least I could do is show them how hospitable Malaysians are.

My Grandma's condition is not improving and the only thing that I can hope for is that it is not going to be any worse than it already is. She is looking a little better now as she has regained a little of her appetite and energy.

Last Saturday, Meng, Darrell, Amber, Cindy, Chee Leong and I was at the fun fair near One-Utama and we were on a few of the rides. Amber was afraid and we can forgive her as she did not go on any of them because she comes across to me as this sweet little girl who is learning so hard to be a funny-woman. Chee Leong did not go on any of the rides as well and of course we can all forgive him because he is also a sweet little girl who looks funny. Minus the two girls, me, Meng, Darrell and Cindy went on the gravity defying rides which made us scream and our hair looks like......shit. Anyway, four of us were on three rides and it finally came to the last one and it was then that Meng and Darrell pulled out. Looks like there were only two men left in the group, Cindy and me. I queued up for the tickets and the went for the ride. The ride is something like two crescents being side by side and it will swing in opposite directions.....360 degrees and at 180 degrees (which means that you will be hanging upside down), they will even leave you hanging there for a while before it continues. So there we were, two men on the front seat, wanting the best view and excitement, we chose not to be like the other wimps who do not dare to be in front. We chatted for a little because we had to wait around ten minutes before the ride started, and it was then I found out from Cindy that she almost fell asleep on the first ride because the wind blowing on her face was really comfortable!!! The first ride was a circle where everyone will be facing each other and it will be spinning... while swinging to more than 90 degrees on each side so it is something like a spinning pendulum but swinging very high up instead. I broke a sweat. How could she be so calm? The ride started. Halfway up, I felt no fear but screamed to create the atmosphere and the higher it goes, the weaker my knees got. Then I lost it. I was screaming like an idiot because the ride really scared the shit out of me and it was when I was hanging upside down, Cindy turned to look at me and asked, “Are you screaming for fun or are you really scared?” Her voice was almost monotone and serene. I was shocked for a little while, not for the fact that she is not afraid at all, not for the fact that she could talk to me calmly, but for the fact that she could be all that and asked me when I was freaking hanging upside down. Conclusion, Cindy is the MAN.

Next post... pictures from Taiwan.

Just a few days..... it can make or break

2006-10-26T16:15:00.000+08:00

I just came back from Taiwan and everything was fine until I saw my grandma... she looks much worse than before I left. In the 5 days that I did not see her, she has grown so weak and now needs to use a wheelchair. She can't eat and can't stand without anyone supporting her. I pray. I pray for her. I do not know how to feel now... I can see that she is suffering. A part of me does not want her to go but a part of me does not want to see her suffer. She don't even have the energy to speak to me. I went back during my lunch break to see her and bought back some food and desserts. She is so frail. I don't know what to hope for anymore.